The Power of the Missing

Have you ever labored over a 1,000-piece puzzle over a series of days only to find out at the very end that one piece is missing?!  You search the box, the table, the floor.  You retrace your steps.  You question everyone who has been near the puzzle, and you even suspect the practical joker in your family.  No one is allowed to sweep or vacuum the floor for days.

I know this is beginning to sound like a New Testament parable, but I am not going there!

Do you focus on the missing or the whole?
(Photo:  almost completed Kincade Puzzle - Larry Gardepie)

A mixture of emotions passes through you as you eventually reconcile the incompleteness of your creation.  You look at the puzzle... and focus only on the loss... the missing piece!

I wonder how often we spend on Incompleteness and Missing... What Isn't rather than What Is.  Do we even notice the magnificence of the rest of the puzzle?

This may sound like the Cup-Half-Empty or the Cup-Half-Full, but I am not going there either!

What happens when we don't see everything... or everyone?
(Photo:  Tulips outside Empress Hotel,
Victoria, B.C. - Larry Gardepie)

Sadly, it seems that we sometimes need to miss something in order to treasure it:  like a family member who is no longer present or has moved away; a relationship that ended; or a question that hasn't been asked.  Sometimes the missing or incompleteness helps us to refocus on what is important.

Does this sound like Reconciliation and Forgiveness?  Maybe... but I am not going there either... entirely!

Who would you like sitting next to you?
(Photo:  Tulips and Empty Bench, Victoria, B.C. - Larry Gardepie)

Life's Journey invites us to Notice:  Creation, relationships, accomplishments... and our limitations.  As humans, none of us are perfect!  We are incomplete.  Our understanding is just one piece of a much larger puzzle.

Therefore, it is important that we reconcile that we cannot do everything. And we must search for the missing and understand when we are half... not whole.  In other words, we need one another... and everyone must be included.

The real puzzle is:  How?  Maybe we start with:

• Who do you miss?
• Who would you like sitting next to you?
• What questions would you ask?
• What do you want to learn?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Hidden Among Us

I was an altar server for several years during my elementary and high school years.  Our original church had a small room ("sacristy") at the front of the church off the sanctuary.  For such a small space, it had 3 doors:  one that went outside; one that went into the church proper; and one that went into the sanctuary.

This is the place where the priest and servers put on their vestments and where the chalices, altar wine, hosts, etc. were stored.  At that time, it was a place reserved mostly for the priests and altar servers.

What is hidden in your life?
(Photo credit:  Fun with Puzzles)

One Sunday a woman knocked on the outside door of the sacristy before Mass.  She wanted to talk with the priest.  This was unusual at the time!  I wondered what she wanted.

The priest talked to her for a short time, then closed the outside door.  When it was time to begin Mass, the priest asked me to open the outside door, let the woman into the sacristy, and place a folding chair at the open door that led into the sanctuary.

Do you always find what is hidden?
(Photo credit:  Where's Waldo?, Paperflite.com)

Throughout Mass, the woman sat or stood at the sacristy-sanctuary door, praying along with everyone in the church.  When Mass ended and we returned to the sacristy, the woman was gone.  The priest could see that we were puzzled.  He explained that the woman had agoraphobia - it was difficult for her to be in large crowds.

This was one of many instances in my life where I have witnessed understanding and compassion: being able to listen to another person's story; hearing the fear, pain or loss; and working to alleviate the suffering -- even when going against the norm.

These moments allow the hidden to be revealed.

Can you see beyond the walls we create?
(Photo credit:  Woman Hiding Behind Cubicle,
iStock Getty Images)

What is interesting about this memory:  as a youngster, I recognized this person.  She was very involved in our parish life.  Her revelation to the priest opened in me a new understanding about her - and how scary it must be for her to help others while fighting against her fears.

Isn't that the way it is with each of us?  There are aspects of our lives that are shared with others... and there are hidden areas.  We can be generous and understanding when we are in the realm of what is normal... and we are sometimes asked to go beyond what is accepted.  We are human... and we need one another!

The lesson I learned that Sunday morning?  Sharing our fears and phobias with others can invite us into grace-filled moments of understanding and compassion.  In that way we can live, learn, pray, and remain a community.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Answers to Questions

I have been hooked by the BBC series, Call the Midwife.  It is in its 13th season and is based on Nurse Jenny Worth's real-life stories of working as a midwife in the East London slums of the 1950s.  Vanessa Redgrave is the voice of the older Jenny as she recounts the lessons learned from the brave women surviving childbirth in the horrid conditions of this post-war era. 

One statement stood out at the beginning of a recent episode: "We are the answers to each other's questions."

What questions do you have about our current social
and political conditions?
(Photo credit:  DepositPhotos.com)

We are faced with hundreds of questions every day:

• What do I want for breakfast?
• Who will pick up the kids after school? 
• Can I trust what I read or hear?
• Who do I believe in this situation?
• How will I pay this month's bills?

Some questions have easy answers; others are more complicated.  Some situations are familiar enough where we can choose similar results; other situations have never been encountered and take more thought.

Are you curious about learning new answers?
(Photo credit:  WavebreakmediaMicro)

What I find interesting as I look back at my life is the fact that questions and answers were a part of our early learning:  teachers would ask questions and we would raise our hands to be the first to answer.  We were told that there were no stupid questions... and, if we had a good teacher, we were not embarrassed if we answered incorrectly.

 

It seemed that my younger years were filled with curiosity and exploration.  I wanted to learn.  Somewhere along the way, our Classroom of Life has discouraged some questions... and even some answers!  (And, as we all have learned, there are some topics we are told not to discuss!)

Can questions and answers be given with love and caring?
(Photo credit:  Oculo)

What I have noticed in my dialogue consulting is the importance of questions.  I cannot understand the other person without asking questions.  If I assume I know the answer, I often misunderstand the person's situation.

I have learned -- and continue to learn! -- that I must:

• Ask permission to ask a question.
• Approach every situation with kindness and curiosity.
• Refrain from judging based on my lenses and biases.
  

After all, we may be the answer to another person's question... as long as we understand the question!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

Reflected Reflections

The San Diego Naval Training Center (NTC) where my father went to boot camp after World War II was closed in 1997 and redeveloped into a beautiful combination of homes, businesses, shops, restaurants, museums, parkland, and waterways.  The transformation from restricted government use to public open spaces now draws families, bikers, skaters, walkers and runners to shop, play, and enjoy the views of the airport, downtown skyline, and inlets of the San Diego Bay.

The area is now called Liberty Station, but the spirit of NTC is still present: that is, the renovated buildings and parade grounds have breathed new life into this part of our city... and its rich history is respected.

What transformations have occurred in your life?
(Photo: Esplanade Canal at Liberty Station,
San Diego Bay - Larry Gardepie)

Walking along the Esplanade and looking out over the Canal, I noticed the reflections of the palm trees and downtown skyline.  As I drew nearer to the water, I observed that:

• When the water was calm, the reflections cast a surreal copy of the actual.
• When the wind stirred up the water, the reflections disappeared from view.

So too with our lives and our relationships:  we are either calmed or disturbed by what has happened, what we remember, or what is... where our perceptions can be clear or dimmed by the stories we tell.

When have turbulences clouded your view?
(Photo: Downtown San Diego Skyline,
Esplanade Canal - Larry Gardepie)

Periodically, a jet would take off across the Esplanade Canal and Liberty Station.  The power of the engines propelled the plane above and past us, leaving us with its rumble and noise.  This type of disturbance is expected because we know where the airport runway is and we can look up the departure schedule: we can wait for and anticipate the takeoffs.

It is interesting how I react so differently to unexpected breezes that distort my reflections versus moments when I have anticipated, imagined, or wanted something else.

Do you wait for and anticipate change?
(Photo: a jet leaving SD International Airport
- Larry Gardepie)

As we practice our dialogue skills, we are invited to notice, reflect, and exchange ideas, thoughts, and even assumptions.  Being able to reflectively reflect on our reflections in a communal way helps us to see the transformations that are occurring:

• Reviewing our memories and history together;
• Renovating perspectives and conclusions; and
• Respecting the past, the changes, and the actual.

Like the NTC that served an earlier purpose, life can generate new energy and changes for our future.  Redevelopment gives us freedom -- or liberty! -- to reimagine who we are and who we might become.

How do you want to develop -- or redevelop -- your life?  In what ways can we help one another?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)