One Event: Do You Feel Boxed In?

One event.  Sometimes, one event makes the difference between.... being listened to or ignored... accepted or rejected... being seen as an insider or an outsider... trusted or questioned.

I noticed I was hearing through a 'One Event' filter while watching the evening news this past week.  I wondered...  What would have happened if this one event had been different?  How might things have turned out if someone had responded with more neutral words?

One event sometimes makes the difference!

One Event:  it can put us in a corner.
(Baby Blues, by Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott, June 29, 2017) 
Click on picture to view larger  image.

Using this One Event filter, I reflected back on a past job:

•  New to the office, I was asked by my supervisor to bring alcohol to an office birthday party.  I found out from a co-worker that the company's policies prohibited alcohol onsite.    I told my supervisor that I could not bring alcohol to the party because of company policy.  My supervisor stopped training me and planned to terminate me at the next review for not knowing how to do the job.  One event, one decision, began a course of action that seemed punitive.
• Knowing the situation I was in, I sought other avenues for learning the software system.  No matter how much I excelled over the next two months, though, my supervisor viewed me through the Lens of Refusal, not following his requests unquestioned.  I submitted my resignation to the director.  One event, one decision, began a course of self-discovery and freedom.
• Not appreciating the full impact of departmental politics, I was asked by the director to explain the real reason for my resignation.  She had a favorable impression of me, seeing me through the Lenses of Acceptance and Trust, and assumed there was more to the story.  One event, one decision, began a domino-effect of position transfers that allowed me to stay on in the department... as the supervisor!

Questions to consider:

• What events in your life stand out?
• Are there events where you were placed in a box?
• Maybe there are events where you placed someone else in a series of boxes?
• Do you find the box lids tightly shut, not allowing you or the other person to escape first impressions or events that have defined how people are viewed?

One Event:  it can put us or others in a box.

One Event... Boxes... and Filters came to mind when NBC Nightly News showcased Boxed.com and its CEO, Chieh Huang.  (Click on the link to watch the NBC video.)  Through the CEO's initiatives, the company or CEO contributes up to $20,000 towards an employee's wedding; provides unlimited parental leave; and pays the college tuition for an employee's children, no matter what school they have been accepted.  In the interview, the CEO explained these decisions through the Lenses of Love, Respect and Solidarity:  how his mother sacrificed for her family.  Specific events and decisions changed his life, and now he has chosen to provide opportunities for his employees and their families.

Questions to consider:  Besides  questions of which events stand out in our lives and where we or others have been boxed in, we are invited to reflect on the events when we have been allowed to escape these containers that confine and limit our choices:

• Can we see beyond the container to other possibilities and options?
• Can we become catalysts to help others by changing our filters of them?

One Event: it can free us!

It is important to acknowledge that it is difficult not to categorize what we see, think, and feel.  Filtering information and understanding its meaning in the context of our lived experience has allowed our species to survive and adapt.  It is a gift!  Slowing down and exercising the awareness that we instinctively filter, allows us time to reflect on whether a particular filter is appropriate.  Slowing down and becoming aware also allows us to see through the Lens of Choice, experiencing freedom to open the boxes and allow new interactions. 

Dialogue helps us to practice the skills of slowing down, becoming aware, and exercising freedom.  And, it invites us to become curious:

• Why have I placed this person in this box?
• How might we unbox one another?

Blessings this week as you celebrate Freedom!  May you notice One Event that could change how you encounter your loved ones, friends and colleagues!  May you unbox the gifts that have been hidden!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting