I first saw it in Lisbon, Portugal - at the top of the Santa Justa Lift, an elevator opened in July 1902 as part of the public transport system. A few years later I again encountered them in San Francisco along Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39.
Locks attached to cyclone fencing: locks in all shapes and sizes... intentionally left behind... signifying undying love for another person. Some had names or initials. Some had miniature photos pasted on. Others were ordinary and anonymous. Locks used as public statements about what was in someone's heart.
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| What do you see: locks, barriers or beyond? (Photo: Lisbon, at the top of Santa Justa Lift) |
Recently, my mind returned to these images. Not because of undying love for another, but because I have noticed my heart is locked against some people. I have been walking out of the room when a person whom I disagree with comes on the television: politicians, activists, news commentators. Sometimes, I can't stand to hear their voices. Other times, I am tired of their simplistic soundbite answers. Most often, I don't want to hear their denials of what I hold to be important.
I wonder how I got to this point - especially with people I have never met and do not really know. I can count on one hand -- maybe only a few fingers -- people in my life I have had such a strong reaction. It is difficult for me to get to the point of no return: where I cut off relationships.
I tell myself: "This is not normal" and "I am not this way." Or... am I?
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| How do you show your love for another person? (Photo: San Francisco, Pier 39 fence) |
With dialogue, we are invited to respect the other person and their views. We are challenged to suspend our judgments and seek curiosity:
- I wonder why s/he believes that...?
- Can you help me to understand...?
- Why is this important to you?
Dialogue opens the door to noticing what we have in common and what is different. Suspending judgment slows down the reaction to lock out another person, to pause, and to respond by inviting them in. The words "right" and "wrong" become foreign as we explore... together... how and why we experience this world individually. We seek to understand the filters that overlay and provide separate meanings to the same event.
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| What does your heart say about others? (Photo: San Francisco, neighborhood mural) |
So, why do I walk out on a figure on TV? Maybe because I don't have a relationship with them? Maybe I have not locked in my curiosity or desire to get to know them? Maybe it is easier to walk away from others than to listen?
I now wonder what is worse: to be locked in or locked out? What do you think?
May we explore the locks we have publicly or privately set. May we share with others what is in our heart -- and why. May we unlock opportunities to discover relationships anew.
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| Larry Gardepie (click on link for website) |
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