Memories Cascading

Memories cascaded throughout the service:  sitting in the same church, same pew, with some of the same church family members.  This time I was a pallbearer.  The previous times I was a pallbearer and a family member.

Memories cascaded as I remembered a life well-lived:  "Mrs. B" -- 99 years old when she died... a neighbor across our backyards... a teacher and role model in my elementary years... a mentor and friend as we both aged.

Memories cascaded.

Do you remember your teachers and mentors?
(Photo: Mrs. Vi Bernard and Sr. Barbara,
Madonna School teachers, mentors, and friends)

As the Fall Season progresses, we celebrate many days of remembrance and thanksgiving: Día de los Muertos, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving -- to name a few.  Days when memories cascade into every day lives.

How do we savor this journey when Past Overflows into Present Moments?  Can we honor and learn from the Past as we are shaped by Futures Unknown?

These were my thoughts as I sat with friends and listened to the Story Lived by Mrs. Violet Bernard. 

What have we learned from our parents and family?
(Photo: Pat and Maury Gardepie, parents)

Each of us has a story to explore, to learn from, and to share:

• How do I embrace My Story?
• Am I willing to share what I have learned and experienced?
• Do I listen to and honor Your Story?

And, in our mutual sharing, Our Story emerges!

How do you honor your heritage?
(Photo: "Bud" and Marje Carroll, grandparents)

Dialogue is about remembering... sharing... listening... honoring... and learning.  The sharing of Me-with-Thee -- and Thee-with-Me -- creates a relationship that, when remembered, honors the Both-And of Past-and-Present.  Dialogue also creates space for Present-and-Future:  that is, if we choose to stay in relationship, Our Story can be written with all voices. 

As memories cascade, let us hold as precious the gifts of family, friendship, and story.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Nature Tells Us: Destruction, Change, and Possibilities

Have you felt nervous or anxious recently?   I have!  It is sometimes hard to escape the negative rhetoric, violent actions, and blame that fills our news these days.  I have noticed at times that I have become impatient or suddenly angry for little or no reason.

Have you experienced this as well? 

Is there something rumbling under your surface?
(Photo:  Thermal Vents, Iceland - Larry Gardepie)

A friend suggested that I pay attention to what my body is telling me:  tightness in my stomach; becoming tired for no reason; stiff neck or headaches.  Nature offers hints of what is happening below the surface.

Living in California, we have learned to document the tremors that shake our world.  Iceland has thermal vents that reminds the people of the enormous energy below their homes.

Nature often warns us of destruction or change, but it also points towards possibilities and hope.

What obscures your view?
(Photo: Icelandic Scenery - Larry Gardepie)

What is troubling about the current political climate is what obscures what is really happening - externally and internally.

Examples:

• Dividing and blaming others. 
• Normalizing bad behavior and words.
• Accepting hate-filled motives and actions. 

If I judge these examples against how I was brought up, I know that my parents would never have tolerated this kind of environment in our home!

The question for all of us, then, might be:  why do we allow these words and actions to become the norm from those who represent us -- who enter our homes with their toxic words and actions?

Do you have wishes for your friends and family?
(Photo:  Dandelion Wishes Ready - Larry Gardepie)

Yes, nature hints at destruction, death, and change, but it also provides daily hope.  As children, we would find dandelions ready to seed, make a wish, blow, and allow the breeze to spread our wish-seeds.

What do you wish for these days?  How can you become the catalyst for positive change?  Where can you share your idea-seeds and allow growth and beauty? 
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

History Tells Us: Where Life Takes Us

An elementary school friend and I have been meeting (virtually) every month for most of this year.  Our families knew each other through the church and our parish school.  We had a similar upbringing but then went our own ways in high school and followed our college interests.  Fifty years later we've reconnected.

When we began meeting, we knew we were different people than our childhood memories... but the question for each of us was: how have we changed? 

Which way is she facing?
(Photo:  Perceptions and Illusions, Facebook download)

Over a course of three months we talked about our family values (foundations), our religious or spiritual communities (inspiration), and the filters that define who we are now.  It was only then that we began talking about the more serious topics that govern our country and influence our worldviews.

We talked about the following guidelines before discussing these topics -- the "sandbox" we created to play in:

• Listening and asking questions to understand;
• Respecting the other person's lived experiences; and,
• Trying not to persuade the other person on one way of thinking.

When do you doubt your confidence?
(Photo credit:  Self-doubt and Self-confidence, Facebook download)

It's been a wonderful experiment in dialogue:

• Can I stay in relationship with someone who may have differing views?
• How do I respond when I feel tension or am uncomfortable?
• What happens when I doubt long-held beliefs?
• Where do I get my information? 

 One lesson I learned:  "Listen for the story." (Thanks, Darcy, for adding the aspect of My Story / Our Story.)

What are your "Don't Forgets"?
(Photo credit:  Don't Forget, Madalyn Beck)

Each of us has a story to tell:  the roads we have traveled; the hardships and challenges; the triumphs and lessons learned.  Being true to our personal values is important: being true to communal values is equally important.

What isn't always discussed, though, is the finite time and physical dimensions that limit us:  what it means to be human!  The only way I can move beyond My Limitations is to move from My Story to Our Story.  This means that I must respect Your Story.  As we listen... and learn from one another, My Story, Your Story and Our Story grow.  In other words, we learn to See Other in other.

Where has your life taken you?  How can I learn from you?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

History Tells Us: Voices From Our Past

Boston is one city that all Americans should experience.  It overflows with voices from our past: ordinary people who lived, breathed, and fought for freedom.  As I walked around the city, American History came alive when I saw Old North Church, Paul Revere's statue, and other places that evoked the Boston Tea Party, the Midnight Ride, and Lexington and Concord.

Our hotel, being located in the midst of these historical sites, contained a series of wall panels with important quotes about liberty, justice, and the Common Good. 

How do you make good use of your freedom?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: John Adams,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

I have been reflecting on these wall panels over the past several weeks:

• Do we listen to the lessons of previous generations?
• Are we able -- or willing -- to change our current course?
• What inspires us to work for the good of others?

Do your actions inspire others?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: John Quincy Adams,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

What troubles me about the recent violence and rhetoric?  We are no longer involved in Civil Discourse.  Leaders and representatives from our earliest foundations disagreed on how to move forward, but they tried to engage in constructive, respectful, and productive conversations. Yes, they represented diverse colonies and interests, but they learned to listen to the needs of the other colonists as well.

What can you do for our country now?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: John F. Kennedy,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

This engagement carried responsibilities that future leaders understood: to perfect this imperfect union (Inspiration); to ask what you can do for others (Service); to learn to live together (Community).

These values and other truths became self-evident.

Are we living together or perishing?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: Martin Luther King, Jr.,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

Questions we may want to consider in the weeks ahead:

• Do I (we) listen to voices that divide... and why?
• Am I (we) living in fear of others... and why?
• How can I (we) listen and work toward healing?

As John Adams asks of us:  Do we understand how much our freedom cost previous generations? Are we making good use of that freedom?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Turning Point: What Will You Choose?

I remember wise people in my life who suggested that I use the time at stoplights to pray, call to mind people who have impacted my life, moments of gratitude, or sitting in silence without music or news.

These suggestions came to mind recently in Akureyri, Iceland.  The town decided that the red light on all stoplights should be a Red Heart!

Stop... to love?  Stop... to care?  Stop... to be kind? 

When do you stop to love?
(Photo: Akureyri, Iceland - Heart Stoplights
- Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Maybe the Turning Point our world needs right now is to Stop... and Make a Choice that draws us together rather than separating us even further.

Another memory from my Catholic elementary school:  when tensions rose on the playground and classmates would shout "I hate you" at one another, the Religious Sister would remind us of Jesus' command... we are called to love one another!

What signals do you give others?
(Photo: Paul Revere statue pointing
at Old North Church window where lanterns
were placed, Boston - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

I wonder what signals we are giving each other: One, if we Hate; Two, if we Love?

• Are we still in the schoolyard yelling at each other?
• Do our misunderstandings say, "I hate you"?
• How do we follow the Golden Rule when we aren't happy?

Or, do we expect someone else to remind us to Stop... and Love... or Care... or Be Kind?  What if... you -- or possibly, we -- are now the adults who are called to stop the hate?

Are you willing to reach across the divide?
(Photo:  Hands Across the Divide,
Derry-Londonderry, Northern Ireland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

It takes each one of us to Notice, Choose Non-violence, and Decide how we want to move forward.  As Sister would say, "You don't have to like everyone... but you are called to love everyone."

Like the citizens of Akureyri, can we change how we see the Red (or Blue or Purple) in others and replace it with a heart that reaches across the divide that separates?

What will you choose? 
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting