Beautiful Change?

How do you feel about change?  Are you a change agent... on the front edge of change or a little more cautious?  We are going through unprecedented changes right now in our country and in the world.  What are your thoughts and feelings?

I came across an interesting photo on Facebook a few weeks ago:  a composite of twelve pictures of the sun over twelve months, taken from the same location and at the same time.

Isn't it beautiful to see the pathway of the sun in relation to the seasons of the year?

What changes do you see when you step back?
(Photo credit:  Beautiful Nature, Facebook group)

This photo demonstrates the ebbs and flows of nature when we step back a month at a time.  It illustrates the changes that we experience but sometimes forget or take for granted.

Change is always happening around us -- whether we admit it or not!

Are there times when life is cloudy and unclear?
(Photo: Cloud-Filled Sea Day, Larry Gardepie)

So back to the changes in our country and the world:  how are you experiencing them?  Moment by moment... or... stepping back and noticing the arc of where we are headed?

Are you concerned about the changes?  Why?  Are you okay with the changes?  Why?

When is change beautiful?
(Photo:  Flaming Sunset at Sea, Larry Gardepie)

Without trying to convince a partner, friend, or work colleague, are you able to:

• Talk about what you are seeing, thinking, and feeling?
• Listen to other perspectives and perceptions?
• Understand how change may be dividing or uniting us?
  

I believe this type of dialogue is necessary: that ability to talk about our fears and concerns, our agreements and acceptance, and where this arc of change may be taking us.

Without sharing our hopes and concerns, we won't be able to step back and distinguish the seasons of change nor the beauty of relationships.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Being Kind... A Wor[l]d Apart

Just wondering: when you hear the word, Kind, what goes through your mind?  What is your definition of Kindness?  How does a Kind Person behave?  Is a Kind Person considered strong or weak?

These thoughts went through my mind as I reflected on the contrast between various Kindness memes posted on Facebook and the reality of how some people express themselves in the Comments section of Facebook or on X ("formerly know as Twitter").

How do you respond when there are disagreements?
(Photo credit:  Facebook download)

Sometimes, there is a harshness and an accusatory nature to people's interactions online and in the written word.  What is off-putting:  The words?  The tone?  The labeling?

Kindness?  Am I missing the kindness in a person's raw honesty?  Or is kindness absent when we disagree?

Do you choose to be kind... all the time?
(Photo credit:  Banksy, Facebook download)

You can see that I have a lot of questions when it comes to What We Say and What We Do!  Oftentimes, kindness, respect, and understanding are missing when we disagree.  We protect ourselves from the other...Person? Ideas? Actions?

The phrase "I guess we agree to disagree" -- even when said kindly -- recognizes the barrier between us.

How do you make others feel?
(Photo credit: Winnie the Pooh Addict, Facebook download)

The dictionary lists many synonyms for Kind and Kindness -- compassionate, generosity, sympathy, tenderness -- but only one antonym -- cruel.

The choice might be very simple as we meet others and listen to their differing experiences:

• Do we want to show compassion... or cruelty?
• Do we want to be generous... or selfish?
• Do we want to sympathize... or ignore their humanity?

The contrasts are stark when looking at words and actions this way:  we may be words and worlds apart!

 We have a choice today: To Be Kind... or Not!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Our Wonderful and Crazy World

People seem to have formed a Love-Hate relationship with social media these days: a need for connection, community, and caring words when tragedy strikes -- versus -- unchecked verbal attacks, misunderstandings, and misinformation.  Some days I want to disconnect and retreat into my own world!

There are several Facebook sites that draw me back into common unity, though:  Danny Hale, an Hawaiian photographer who shares beautiful photos and peaceful videos of the islands; Banksy Arts Fans Forever, celebrating the artwork of "Banksy" - an English-based street artist and political activist; and Family Circus Comics, celebrating life through the eyes of the young and innocent.

Each offers a brief escape from this troubled world -- reminding me how beautiful, creative, and good we can be.

How are you tethered to Love?
(Photo credit:  Girl with Balloon - 2002, Banksy)

Banksy's artwork was originally viewed as graffiti.  But then, as people looked more deeply, his messages became iconic.  So iconic that people would pay thousands of dollars for one of his graphic works.  (If you haven't heard about his "Girl with Balloon" picture that was partially shredded after being sold at auction, click here.)

Messages matter: whether being approved or shredded by others.  Sharing who we are and who we want to become is part of our social DNA.

What do you teach others through your words and actions?
(Photo credit:  Teach Peace, Banksy)

For me, I am deciding how I might survive this craziness:

• What is my life's message: honesty, integrity, kindness, caring, support.
  
• Where is this message rooted: faith, love, community, inclusion, peace.
  
• How will I explore this message: dialogue and listening, challenging conversations, service to others, acceptance of differences.
  

Each of us must answer how much hatred, bigotry, racism, and misogyny we are willing to accept... so our Life Message becomes important.

When will you engage your message?
(Photo credit:  If Not Now, Then When?, Banksy)

Are we happy with the daily news stories?  If no, why?  If yes, why?  Let's talk about what we are seeing and experiencing!

 

Are we aware of good news in our communities?  If not, why not?  If yes, what is happening?  Let's re-balance our focus to share the Wonderful... and not just the Crazy!

 

Mahatma Gandhi's invitation is critical today:  "Be the change you want to see in the world" and its often-quoted variation "Be the good you want to see."

 

Our Crazy World needs the Wonderful-in-You!  Where shall we begin?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Fragile Bubble Ideas Bursting

Cartoonists will use a bubble with words to display the characters' thoughts.  In our western culture, we have been taught to read left-to-right and top-to-bottom, so we read the frames of the comics and the thought-bubbles in that order.

Knowing the Rules helps us understand the sequence of ideas that is conveyed by the artist.  But that doesn't always work in the Real World!  Everything isn't always in sequence and orderly.

Try to read a comic strip from right to left or beginning in the middle:  you won't understand the comic's intent!

To many people who don't know us or our mind-set ("rules"), our thoughts may seem like soap bubbles that are created and float away.

How fragile are your thoughts?
(Photo:  Bubble Man, Sydney, Australia - Larry Gardepie)

Like a wave crashing on the shoreline, thoughts make their mark and then recede, leaving afterthoughts that soon fade away... or not, depending on the force of impact and duration!

Ideas, thoughts, and assumptions are similar.  They are fragile and momentary... until they solidify into conclusions and ideologies forced onto others: misunderstandings and misconceptions that burst forth and mark that other person.

Are there ideologies crashing against your values?
(Photo: Crashing Surf, Kona, Hawaii - Larry Gardepie)

Like it or not, we are living in a world of competing -- or warring? -- sides, each trying to destroy the other's way of thinking.  The issue I find with this approach?  Dialogue to understand another perspective is missing.  We are living in a Take No Prisoners approach!

To be successful in dialogue, we must honor and respect our values and what is important AND, at the same time, respect and honor the other person and their thoughts and ideas.

Are we being called to live with purple bubbles?
(Photo: Glass Spheres, ms Zaandam - Larry Gardepie)

I am struggling:  it seems like we have limited the coloring of our Fragile-Bubble-Making understanding of life with only Reds or Blues.  I am left wondering if we are missing the point of life:

• Transforming ourselves into something better;
• Balancing our views away from extreme positions;
• Seeking a way to move from Either-Or thinking to Both-And.

Is it possible to create rules that expand our understanding -- the convergence and mixing of all ideas -- while honoring and respecting both.

What would happen if our fragile thoughts and ideas were marked with a new Way of Being:  Respect, Honor, Kindness, and Acceptance.

Your thoughts?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Looking Up!

Have you ever noticed how you walk?  That is, do you look down, watching where you are going?  Do you look ahead and acknowledge people passing to your right and left?  Or do you look up and around your surroundings, taking in the world around you?  You may do all of these... and more!

The real question, though, is "Have you noticed?"

What do you see?
(Photo:  Iolani Palace staircase, Honolulu
- Larry Gardepie)

Several years ago, I was walking down a work corridor, looking down at the terrazzo-colored floor.  A work colleague, knowing my Catholic seminary background, saw me walking along and suggested that I was practicing the "custody of the eyes."

For those unfamiliar with this phrase, it simply means "controlling what you allow yourself to see."  What an interesting observation and projection this colleague made of my actions!

How often do you look up?
(Photo: Palm Treetops, Hilo - Larry Gardepie)

In all honesty, I was walking along noticing the many breaks in the terrazzo siding -- where doors once existed and were now replaced.  I was wondering about the offices in this building, how they have changed over time to meet the needs of the people passing through their doors -- some long gone and replaced by others.

It's easy to observe and make conclusions about other people's actions and motives.  We all do it!  How often, though, do we take the time to wonder, consider other meanings, or even ask?

What do you miss when you don't look up?
(Photo:  Winter Flowering Tree, San Diego Zoo
- Larry Gardepie)

For those of us of a certain age, our parents and teachers encouraged us to pull out a big, heavy book called a "dictionary" to look up words that we didn't know or understand.  (There are variations of these tomes online, and many applications allow you to highlight a word and its meaning pops up on the screen.) 

Looking Up is an important skill that is often overlooked.  That is,

• Seeing beyond what is normally accepted.
• Searching for understanding and clarity.
• Noticing what is new and different.

As we notice how we walk through this week, let us look up, refocus our attention, and engage on what is important.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Journey of a Lifetime

Over my lifetime, I have had several mentors, spiritual directors, coaches, and role models who have challenged, inspired, and supported me.  Let's take a moment to recall -- and offer a word of thanks -- to those people who have walked with us and encouraged growth and understanding.

One of my earliest role models was a newly ordained priest who described us as Pilgrim People on a Journey Together.

Who has inspired you on your journey?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Pickles, Brian Crane, 12/08/24)

He described how there would be times in our lives when we would need people to walk alongside us as friends and colleagues... sometimes walking in front of us to lead us... other times to walk behind us to encourage us.  There might be times, he said, when we would need to be carried -- and to be be ready to carry others -- when too exhausted to travel alone.

These images of a Common Unity (community) who is conscious of a Shared Journey, our Vulnerability, and our Need for assistance and direction have stayed with me throughout my life's travels.

How have you prepared for your journey?
(Photo: Ancient Travel, ms Zaandam - Larry Gardepie)

I believe this message from my youth is even more relevant today as we experience:

• Separation and Division... we are called to work towards Unity.
• Hatred and Discord... we are called to remember Love and Kindness.
• Struggle and Strife... we are called to work together for the Common Good.

We don't have to live in a world that doesn't care... we are called to Care!

Where has your journey taken you?
(Photo: Settlement of Oceania, Bishop Museum,
Honolulu - Larry Gardepie)

Our Journey of a Lifetime invites us to:

• Walk alongside... by listening;
• Walk in front... guiding and listening;
• Walk behind... encouraging and listening!

As we carry -- or are carried -- we listen.  We listen for and identify with the message that we don't have all of the answers, we don't have to be right all of the time, and our truth is incomplete without the other.

 

Thank you, Jim, for reminding us that we are Pilgrim People... on a lifetime journey together!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Dirty Windows

How many of you like to clean windows?  As a child, my siblings and I were each assigned various chores.  I had to be in the right mood for windows!

If I had the time and was bored, cleaning the windows filled the time and could be fun... creating designs with the window cleaner and challenging myself to have streak-free windows.  If I was in a rush, windows were frustrating... no matter how careful, each wipe often seemed to create more streaks!

What do you see?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Pickles, Brian Crane, 12/29/24)

Then there were the Couch-Coaches (or Know-It-Alls) offering semi-helpful suggestions:  "You need to use vinegar and newspaper"; "I wouldn't use that cleaner"; "You missed a spot. Can't you see it?".

Dirty windows... I wonder if there is an existential reason for them?

How often do you see beyond the dirt?
(Photo: deck chairs through dirty window - Larry Gardepie)

Maybe the lesson in dirty windows is what Opal realized in the Pickles comic strip (above): what we see and assume about others may not be accurate!  That is, we need to "Never Mind" the judgments we make about other people. 

Rather than internalize these assumptions, it is important to name them -- say them out loud -- and then check to see if they are accurate.  This is where Earl came in:  he cleaned the window... without being a Couch-Coach.

Are there other ways to see beyond the dirt?
(Photo: Copper River window prisms - Larry Gardepie)

As we talk with and listen to others, it is important that we distinguish between facts, opinions, and conclusions.  The assumptions we so easily make are similar to the dirt on the window: it distracts us; it keeps us from seeing what is beyond the dirt and the streaks.

Checking out our assumptions -- without judgment -- allows us to clear up or peel away the layers of misinformation that we have accumulated over time.

Are you in the mood to clean some windows this week?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Revelations

A few years ago, I read a book written by Oprah WInfrey, What I Know for Sure.  She reflected on her life and what she has learned along the way.  Because of her fame, I wondered how different her lessons were from my own.

Let me stick my neck out and share a few things I have learned.

What makes you smile?
(Photo: San Diego Zoo Safari Park - Larry Gardepie)

Life is Good!  This is a phrase a coworker used quite often to describe his experiences of life that day.  For many of us, life is good… but I would add, Life is Better when we think of others and try to make their lives easier.  In other words, my life cannot be good in a vacuum.  We are social beings…. People-in-Relationship, so my life can only be good when yours is as well.  What do you need? May I help?

Where do you find beauty?
(Photo:  Honolulu skyline as seen from the ocean - Larry Gardepie)

Our World is Beautiful!  When I pay attention, I begin to notice the beauty surrounding me: flowers unfolding; insects working; trees breathing; creatures being.  There is a familiarity in what we encounter each day, but there is also mystery when we see our World Anew.  Am I willing to slow down?  Do I anticipate beauty in the world... and in you?

What is good in our world?
(Photo: White Peacock, Isola Bella, Lake Maggiorre, Italy - Larry Gardepie)

People are Good!  As a supervisor responsible for overseeing a department’s effectiveness, the tendency might be to discover what is not working.  I noticed the look on my employees’ faces when I caught a mistake… embarrassment, shame, anger, confusion.  I also felt my own uneasiness. Then I discovered another approach: See the Good — that is, catch people doing a good job, congratulating them on a job well done. In most instances, people want to do what is right — we have to be present and help them notice the difference.  Where have you seen goodness?  How have you supported it?

There are many other lessons I have learned… but I am curious: what have you learned?  Let’s talk about what is good and beautiful!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Hidden Thoughts

Watching a herd of swans in Windsor, England, I noticed they were pressed together, facing the same direction, and waiting for tourists to feed them.  Some stayed calm while the bread was tossed; others were frantically trying to get to the food.  Hunger does that when self-survival is at stake.

This image came to mind as I read today’s news: the struggle for power and the desire for one ideology to dominate another — Self and Survival!

When are you challenged to blend in?
(Photo: Windsor Swans, England - Larry Gardepie)

Another image flashed across my mind:  our elementary and high school need to fit in and be like everyone else…or wanting others to Be Like Me.

Contradictions began stacking up as I reflected on these images:

• When do we truly become individuals… with so much of our commercial and political environments suggesting that we fit in and be like others?
• Can ideas and ideologies coexist… when we are in an endless loop of one way of thinking dominating another?
• Are Self and Survival hardwired… and will Others and their survival be denied?

What do you see from your hidden place?
(Photo: Salzburg, Austria - Larry Gardepie)

Fear surfaces when our language focuses on Us-or-Them. Low awareness tends to build walls to keep others out.  We fight for our survival… not realizing that we may be denying another person their survival.  Does it have to be this way, though?

We remember the schoolyard lessons of competition… Winning-Losing… and we somehow forget the importance of Sharing.

Living in fear requires that we band together, face the same direction, and value like-minded thinking.  Sharing opens us to the possibility that both can exist... and survive!

Is it possible to see beyond your hidden thoughts?
(Photo: Puye Cliff Dwellings, New Mexico - Larry Gardepie)

I wonder where our inner hunger comes from:

• The desire to become an individual with differing views?
• A willingness to accept someone for who they are?
• The need to form a community with varied talents and ideas?

As we move further into this New Year, let’s talk about our fears, seek ways to overcome them, and share our hidden thoughts.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Perspective Matters

As a child, do you remember drawing a picture of your house and your family?  My house was block-ish with its walls and roof but my family members were proportional with my parents taller and each sibling smaller according to their age.  The concept of height and family order seemed to be understood.

Later, in art class, we learned about dimensions and perspective:  drawing an object with various elements larger when closer to us or smaller when farther away.

Are we taught about perspective or do we observe and replicate perspectives?

How do we understand positions further away?
(Photo:  Balboa Park Colonnade, San Diego - Larry Gardepie)

I was reflecting on the matter of perspectives when I was walking in Balboa Park a few weeks ago:  the 1915 colonnades provided a multi-dimensional labyrinth of ideas...

• We judge distance by comparing one object against another.
• Objects are in relationship to one another.
• Can the relative worth of one exist without the other?
  

Is this the same for ideas, opinions, and ideologies:  we compare and contrast; they must be in relationship; existence relies on the other?

Can "like" objects be different?
(Photo:  Wrought Iron Fence, Holland Park, London - Larry Gardepie)

As I played with these musings, I looked at both natural and human-constructed elements of our world... like flowers and weeds (both are plants); boundaries and fences (one defines; the other limits); walls and ceilings (support and cover).

A dependency of comparisons exists that support our thoughts and socially constructed realities (SCRs).  That is, what we:

• Like or don't like;
  
• Value or don't value;
• Consider to be true or not.

I wonder... is our sense of Right and Wrong taught or observed?

What is more important: the walls or the ceiling?
(Photo:  Bath Cathedral, England - Larry Gardepie)

As we begin this New Year, it may be helpful to explore another person's perspective.  What matters to me might not matter to that other person!

 

As we compare our different viewpoints, it also might be important to consider our relationships:

• Is this relationship important?
  
• Do we want to stay in relationship?
• How does this relationship provide perspective and depth?

May these days ahead challenge us to grow beyond our earlier blockish understanding and learn or observe how to appreciate other views.

 

Perspective matters!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting