Sunsetting Another Year

Do you prefer Beginnings or Endings: the excitement of starting anew or the completion and finality when a project or a book draws to a conclusion?  Both have their ardent followers!

Think of the person who is very creative and begins several projects but never finishes... or... the person who is dependable and ends tasks on time and under budget.

Do you see the beauty in endings?
(Photo:  Sunset over Sea of Cortez - Larry Gardepie)

As we enter the last few days of this calendar year, we don't have to choose between the two!  Whether we like it or not, the rhythm of time draws us to end one year and almost seamlessly we enter another.  Similarly, we watch the sun set over the horizon at the end of one day and wait in anticipation for it to rise again the next day.

The difference?  Depending on where we are standing, we must shift our attention from one horizon to another.

Time continues.  We are called to follow.  We are invited to change our stance to release one and accept the other.

How do you experience the rhythm around you?
(Photo: French Polynesian Sunset - Larry Gardepie)

We do have choices in the rhythm of our days and years alive.  We can choose:

• How we approach the rising and falling of our hopes and dreams.
• Whether we engage with young and old who share their experiences and insights.
• If we look with curiosity on the unknowns of tomorrow or next year.

And, we can make a choice in our thoughts and attitudes towards those we disagree:  we can search for ways to release and accept.

What freedoms light your way forward?
(Photo: Statue of Liberty at Sunset - Larry Gardepie)

The freedom we have in Endings and Beginnings is our ability to Redo... Rethink... Reengage when we don't understand.  That is, we can:

• Redo: by asking someone we hurt if we can reword what we said earlier.
• Rethink:  by listening to and questioning the arguments that were put forward by us and others.
• Reengage: by agreeing to stay in relationship and work towards an understanding that we are not the same... and that is okay!

May we use these next few days to reflect on our past year.  May we accept responsibility for any pain we may have caused.  May we look at the beauty of the rhythms of Life:  our ability to Redo, Rethink, and Reengage.

Happy Year Ending!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

A Season of Hope

Only a few days remaining before Christmas...  now the worries set in:

• Have I forgotten anyone in the gift-giving and cards?
  
• Are all of the preparations enough?
• How will I pay the bills in January?

With all of the beauty of the past several weeks in the music and decorations, we sometimes don't relax and enjoy this season.  I wonder why?

How do you enter this holy season?
(Photo:  Christmas Colors - Larry Gardepie)

Several years ago I began to disengage from the hustle and bustle of these holidays:  partly because my parents both passed away in December; partly because I was tired of the pressure to live up to memories.  I began traveling: to be close to friends; to see something new; and to reunderstand the Reason for the Season.

 

I wanted to believe again in the miracle of these holy days.

What do you believe in?
(Photo: Believe Christmas display, Macy's Union Square,
San Francisco - Larry Gardepie)

To believe again... not necessarily in the Santa, elves, and reindeer stories but the wonder and hope of Waiting.  This season is intertwined with the belief that God chose to live among us, the prayers of each expectant parent for a safe and healthy birth, and the dark winter months giving way to light.

 

I wonder... if we believe in God-Among-Us, how do we explain the pain and suffering in the world?  That is, do we treat others knowing that they -- and we -- have Sacred Worth and Value?

Is there reason to hope?
(Photo: World Tree of Hope,
San Francisco City Hall 2016 - Larry Gardepie)

On one of my travels, I came across the World Tree of Hope (click link to learn more).  That year it was in San Francisco's City Hall.  This year it is at Grace Cathedral.  This tree is a symbol of hope, uniting the world in prayer and wishes for a better way of life for all.

As your family and friends share gifts and time together in the next few days, I wonder if it is appropriate to begin a dialogue about:

• Your concerns or worries;
• Your hopes and wishes; and,
  
• How you will help change this hurting world.
  

Maybe this season is about how we give birth to hope.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Time to Decide

Whether hosted by the legendary Monty Hall or the fast-thinking Wayne Brady, contestants have been asked over the decades to choose between Doors 1, 2, or 3. The hope is to make a deal and receive the big prize; the risk is ending up with a dud!

For me, the entertaining aspect of this show is how people dress and conduct themselves throughout their time on the show.  Sometimes when we are asked to decide, we act in uncharacteristic ways!

How do you respond when there are multiple choices?
(Photo credit:  How to Help Clients Who Have Difficulty Making
Decisions: Increasing Tolerance of Uncertainty, New Harbinger Publications)

As a project manager, I learned how to be organized and methodical.  Work colleagues would comment on how efficient I was and always seemed to be multiple steps ahead.  But if they only knew!

In Real Life -- any non-work aspect of being home or with friends -- I can be very indecisive.  Often, I will ask others what they want to do... without a thought in mind of a plan or what I would like to do.  It can be a challenge when no one can decide on a restaurant or movie!

Do you have a defined decision-making process?
(Photo credit: 7 Steps to Effective Decision Making,
UMass - Dartmouth)

This sense of driving a decision -- or being driven by a decision or by others -- can create unintended conflicts between people.  It's as if we always want to make the Right Choice, be rewarded with the Best Prize, or be recognized as smart, intuitive, or lucky.  We fear failing or being left with The Dud that no one wanted.

The fun aspect of decision making can be in the risk: the challenge is how we respond to the choices we have made.

Is time on your side?
(Photo credit:  The Power of Decision Making,
Edward Mungai - Inspire Leadership)

In reflecting on my project management days, the best decisions made were grounded in:

• The time spent in talking through the options;
• Their impact on the end-goal; and,
• What was best for that moment in time.
  

And, if time was available, we could adjust the decision to accommodate the less-than-perfect choice made earlier.  In other words, we didn't frame our decisions on Right-Wrong or Best-Dud.  We focused on talking through a decision everyone could accept and being willing to adjust our thinking.

Let's make a deal this week:  when asked to make a choice, let's open all of the doors by talking through each of our hopes, dreams, interests, and needs... and make a decision on what is best for all of us!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Dead Ends?

Christmas music and decorations before Thanksgiving?!  It's sometimes a jolt to our daily lives when we realize how close the end of the year is -- especially as the weeks of holidays spanning from October through December rush past us with their sense of urgency in meal preparations, gifts to purchase and wrap, and putting up the decorations that make these fall and winter days so festive.

November and December hold many memories for me:  traveling home; family gatherings; reconnecting... and the last days with each of my parents.

Who can you no longer talk to?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Pearls Before Swine, Stephan Pastis, 12/03/23)

We travel this life expecting or wanting there to be no end, living each day with the assumption that the next day will follow... and our loved ones will be at the other end of the phone line or text message.  We wait for a reply... until there isn't one.

Even years after my parents' deaths I still reach for the phone to tell them of what's happening in my life or look in my Inbox for Mom's latest email with a cartoon or joke.  (Throughout college, she would mail me news clippings and comics that meant something to her, helping me to stay connected with what was happening at home.)

Like Rat in Pearls Before Swine, we now get along... and we want to tell them what we have learned.

What is at the end of your road?
(Photo credit:  The End (of the Road), Olli Kekäläinen)

I don't mean to be maudlin or bring the festive spirit down.  Rather, I am reminding myself how important each day is and the conversations that we have... NOW.

Along with sharing the details of what has happened throughout the day, isn't it just as important to tell:

• Our family members: how much they mean to us?
• Our work colleagues: how much we appreciate them?
• Our neighbors and community leaders: how they impact our lives?

Can we see beauty even in dark times?
(Photo:   Mazatlán Sunset - Larry Gardepie)

As we move towards these December holidays, let us balance our preparations by:

• Putting behind any jabs and negativity.
• Acknowledging that many of our hopes and desires are similar.
• Realizing that others may be just as tired, scared and confused as we are!
  

Also, may we reconnect by enjoying this limited time we have together!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Here Comes the Judge!

When the days get rough and uncertain, I tend to watch comedy shows or lose myself in the Comics section of the newspaper.  Sometimes the ability to distract ourselves is the way to survive the harshness of any situation.

Oftentimes, though, comedy and comics shed light on the Real World we are trying to escape:  humor lightens dark moments; we learn to laugh at ourselves; and a different slant on The Real allows us to see differently.

What do you choose to believe?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Pearls Before Swine, Stephan Pastis, 11/04/23)

I was thinking about this a few weeks ago after I read Pearls Before Swine: Rat revealed how he uses select Bible verses to judge others and avoid feeling bad.  Rat's question to Goat --  "Is there another way to read the Bible?" -- might be asked of us in a more general way:  "Is there another way to read this situation?"

As my mind wandered, I thought back on Sammy Davis' comedic routine on the Rowan and Martin show of the late 1960s:  "Here comes the judge!" (Click on the link to see Sammy.)  It was a light-hearted way to look at judges, judging, and decisions.

How often do you play the "Blame Game"?
(Photo credit:  The Blame Game, Free by the Sea)

I wonder if the harshness I experience in this world can be attributed to how others -- and I -- judge others?  Maybe our Blame Game creates an atmosphere where we are always watching -- and waiting -- for Scapegoats, The Fall Guy, or He (She) Did It.

We have so many ways to describe The Other and The-Problems-They-Created!

What skills have you developed to listen -- and not judge?
(Photo credit:  What is Active Listening and
How Can You Improve This Skill?, Coursera)

As I listen to the comedian or return to the Comics, I find that I relax and tune in with a different mindset and heart.  I slowly smile, chuckle or laugh once I identify with the situation and the punch line.

Though we all have a Judge-Inside who wants to come out, maybe our challenge this week is to relax and listen with a blame-free attitude:

• Ready to hear differently;
• Waiting for the punch line... a twist on The Real; and,
• Willing to laugh at ourselves and our "Here-Comes-The-Judge" moments.

 What skills have you developed to listen and not judge?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Today's Challenge: Looking for Goodness

Friends have described insights they have received from journaling or developing an Attitude of Gratitude.  (I've fallen in and out of my own journal writing -- and am currently taking a breather!). Other friends have described their supervisory goal of "catching employees doing good."  (I tried this as a supervisor and enjoyed seeing the surprise and smiles on employees' faces when they were recognized for their ideas and accomplishments.)

Just recently I read about a group of friends who committed themselves -- as a group -- to a Goodness Challenge.  That is, at the end of each day they individually documented the goodness they saw or experienced that day.  Then, they met at a restaurant each weekend and shared what they had encountered and written.

How often does "Goodness Begin with You"?
(Photo credit: Accident Fee Workplace Sign - Cousign)

There are so many ways that we can focus on goodness and gratitude:  what is working versus what is not; what people are doing right versus when something goes amiss; and what is sacred and holy about the people around us versus what is wrong.

In this season of Giving Thanks, we are challenged to:

• Appreciate people for who they are.
  
• Recognize their efforts and accomplishments.
  
• Inspire goodness and great things from one another.
  

Do you reach out in a spirit of welcoming and trust?
(Photo credit: 5 Characteristics to Identify the
Goodness in People - Inc.)

Our actions may start with a smile, a warm greeting, a handshake, or a hug.  Then, the challenge is to let our critical minds relax for a few hours, focus on the goodness of that person, and enjoy their presence in our lives.

Goodness also comes in a Make-a-Wish mindset: that is, listening to the wants, needs, and dreams of another person... and surprising that person with an unexpected gift of friendship and generosity.

When do you smile and with whom?
(Photo credit:  Mother Teresa - Picture Disc & Books)

If you need a few examples -- or need an uplifting moment at the end of a rough day, search YouTube for "Secret Santa East Idaho News" or Ellen Degeneres' "Military Surprise" and "Teacher Surprise" for ways that people are recognized.  We may not have millions to give away, but any way that we can gift people with our presence (time), recognition (focus), and kindness (attitude of goodness) will help us reframe how we see and experience this world.

Our challenge this holiday and holy season is to See Goodness!  Are you ready?!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

What Did You Say?

It's so easy these days to be on autopilot: whether it is driving on the freeway using our car's cruise control; walking across the street as we read our texts and emails; or half-listening to what a Loved One is saying.  Unfortunately, our magnificent brains go largely unused when we don't engage with what is happening around us... like noticing a smile, tear, or the beauty of a sunset -- or -- when we use our smart devices to remind us of what is important and not think of what we may be missing -- or -- when we don't actively analyze the sensory details we take in every moment.

I wonder if that is why we are having so many problems in our world today:  are we on autopilot too often?

What did you say?
(Photo credit:  Hearing and Understanding are
Two Different Things, Chatsworth Consulting Group)

Combined with our auto-natures, maybe we have a tendency to believe (incorrectly!) that Assumptions = Facts.  Maybe we need to be reminded that assumptions are merely times when we are filling in the gaps, answering questions without all the information, or jumping to conclusions.  None of these are wrong... but they are not facts!  For instance, when we are on autopilot, maybe we assume we know what really happened.

Think of recent conversations you have had:  when on autopilot...

• Did you read into... or add meaning... to what was said?
• How much did you already know... or thought you knew?
• How many questions did you ask... out of curiosity... to understand more fully what was being said?
  

How much did you add to what was said?
(Photo credit:  Andy Babitz)

I am fascinated at the origins of some words and how we use them.  For example, people sometimes use conversation and dialogue interchangeably.  Looking at the etymology (the birth and development) of these two words, we see a subtle shift in meaning:

• Conversation:  Latin origins of the verb "conversari" -- "con" meaning "with" or "together" and "versare" meaning "to turn."  In essence, conversation literally means "turning together."
• Dialogue:  comes from the Greek words "dia" (through) and "logos" (word or meaning).  Thus, a dialogue is a flow or exchange of meaning.
  
  

What percentage do you actually understand?
(Photo credit:  What You Say vs. What They Hear, Annette Segal)

The subtleness of these two words might be in the results of the interaction:  Is the objective to turn together to understand the same conclusion or viewpoint?  Or, is the objective the simplicity of exchanging information?  Underlying both of these modes of communication is the importance of disengaging my auto-tendencies, listening deeply for understanding, and asking questions for clarity and out of curiosity?

 

For me, dialogue is not about convincing you of my value system.  Rather, can we stay in relationship in order to hear what is being said and to try to understand the thinking behind the words being said.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

What I Know Now

Meeting with a friend who will be retiring soon, we were reflecting on our respective careers: what we have learned from our work experiences and how these lessons might inform the next stages of our lives.  This friend reflected a common theme I have heard from others:  "I wish what I know now was available to me earlier in my career."

But I wonder how valuable these lessons would have been to us in our younger years?  What do we really know now, and would this wisdom have made a difference then?

What do you know?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Peanuts, Charles Schulz, June 6, 1967)

Our discussion reminded me of a book I read several years ago, What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey.  In this book, Oprah summarized her life's lessons.  I am sure that each of us could list 5-10 important things that we have learned along the way.

Can you imagine, though, of being in a room full of people and listening to their combined wisdom?  Do you think we would absorb these lessons and apply them successfully?

How do you talk to others?  Yourself?
(Photo credit:  Positive Self Talk, Dhruvi Dharia)

True... other people's wisdom might help us along the way or direct our thinking or decision-making, but our self-discovery and deciding What is True seems to stick with us longer.

Maybe the importance of life are the lessons we have learned by making mistakes, saying the wrong words, and misunderstanding others.  As we navigate the Potholes of Life, we learn what is important to others.. and to ourselves.  The Lessons Learned are the celebrations of Lives Lived... the intersection of your truths and mine!

Have you learned to be a flexible thinker?
(Photo credit:  Are you a Flexible Thinker?, Pearson Forward)

The actions of reminiscing and reflection provides time to consider:

• What we used to think or do;
• How we have changed; and,
  
• Where the journey has taken us.
  

This pause to learn and wonder What Could Have Been creates a choice point to apply lessons to What Could Be.  I believe that reflection and sharing is an important step forward... if we but listen to ourselves and others!

What have you learned in your life?  Are you willing to share?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Back to Standard

Yes, it's that time of year again:  we fall back in the Fall and spring forward in the Spring to accommodate the sunlight at key times in our calendar year.

From what I have read, the concept in America was first proposed by Benjamin Franklin as a way to align waking hours to daylight hours and thus conserve on candles during the summer months.  It wasn't institutionalized, though, until 1918 during World War I -- and again in World War II -- to conserve on energy during summer months.  This helped the war effort.  Finally, in 1966, the Uniform Time Act standardized DST in America.

Are you ready to standardize?
(Photo credit:  Daylight Savings Time End, Getty Images)

Every Fall and Spring a discussion -- or argument -- arises about continuing this practice.  People talk about the disruption it causes in sleep patterns, confusion with work schedules, and the fact that we are no longer an agrarian society.

A few side notes to consider:

• A common myth is that Daylight Savings Time was created to help farmers.  In truth the farmers have been against this practice from the beginning.
• Ancient civilizations adjusted to daylight hours more flexibly that we do now.
  

Like most traditions and practices there may be misunderstandings on their origins or their value in our current world.

Which raises a few questions:  What have we been taught?  What do we know for certain?  What do we assume or believe as fact?

What standards or guidelines are important to you?
(Photo credit:  World Standards Day 2019, Aristotle Metadata)

As we adjust our clocks and check our smoke detectors, maybe we could also step back and notice our reactions -- positive and negative -- to rules, regulations, guidelines, and standards.

• Do we consider each of these restrictive or limiting?  Why?
  
• Have we had bad experiences with boundaries?  When?  What happened?
  
• Are we selective in which ones we follow (e.g., we use our seat belts but drive above the speed limit)?

When I was young, I heard my parents' and teachers' admonitions as unbending truths.  As I grew older and encountered situations that no longer fit these exact rules, I needed to develop critical judgment -- maybe even wisdom? -- to read a situation and decide what was best.

What creates safety for you and others?
(Photo credit:  Backyard Sandbox, This Is Why I Am Broke)

Now I see standards as starting points for our society to function and understand one another:  that is, rules and regulations serve as boundaries to keep us safe as we play in the Sandbox of Possibilities.

 

If we decide to go beyond socially accepted norms:

• Can we remain safe enough to stay alive?
• Will we hurt anyone else?
• How do we explain our decisions?
  

In essence, rules, regulations, and guidelines create predictability... in a world that sometimes is not.  Understanding the standard (how it came about; why it is in place) is as important as our need to change it.

 

As we fall back and spring forward, let's consider this movement of resetting ourselves... to fall back and listen before we spring forward into action.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

All Hallows Within

Autumn is a time of change: moving from a season of growth and activity to a season of harvest and slowing down.  In many places, you can feel and see the change... in the crispness of the air, the colors of nature, fall sports, and the clothes people wear.  

Change... a time for reflection.

What have you harvested this season?
(Photo: Autumn Scene, Old Town San Diego
- Larry Gardepie)

In ancient Celtic times, people would dress up in costumes and dance around bonfires to ward off ghosts and evil spirits.  As the Christian faith spread, these pagan rituals were adapted into holy days of remembrance -- remembering those who have gone before us, the Saints and Souls of our Holy Ones. 

It was a reminder of "all hallows": seeing and celebrating goodness; a reminder that all people have Sacred Worth and Value.

How do you celebrate your goodness?
(Photo: Halloween Decorations, Encinitas, California - Larry Gardepie)

But I have to admit, it is sometimes difficult to see the goodness in others!  Our news, movies, TV programs, and stories are built around those ghosts and evil spirits that also inhabit us -- the Good-and-Evil, Win-or-Lose struggle that we encounter every day.  It's as if we have to point to someone else for creating the mess we find ourselves experiencing:  "The Other" who hurt us and continues to cause us pain.

I wonder:  could we use this seasonal transition to reflect on the Sacred-that-We-Encounter -- even in those people who may have wronged us?

Can you build an Altar of Hope?
(Photo: Día de los Muertos altar, Old Town San Diego - Larry Gardepie)

One way of celebrating All Hallows is through Día de los Muertos altars.  Watching people build their family's altar, I have noticed the reverence and respect accorded deceased members.  Yes, death is present, but the focus is on the goodness of the ancestors who gave life and hope to current family members.  It's a celebration of life and the sacrifices made for one another.

Who would you honor in your altar?  What stories of goodness would you share?  How would you experience the Sacred in your midst?

I wonder:  is it time to build an Altar of Hope?

All Hallows to you!
  

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)