Curiously in the Moment

When was the last time you were in a learning situation, genuinely curious, and lost track of time?  I had that experience recently at a Kona coffee estate.  A friend and I -- on the spur of the moment -- decided to sign up for a coffee roastmaster session.  It included a coffee tasting, a tour of the coffee farm, and an individual roasting class that allowed us to create our own signature roasts.

What is interesting:  I have had less than 5 cups of coffee in my life!  I love the smell of coffee but have never acquired the taste or the habit.

Do you remember the last thing you did not know?
(Photo:  Coffee plant and flowers,
Ueshima Coffee Company - Larry Gardepie)

So, during the tasting portion of our tour, it was difficult for me to appreciate the differences between medium, dark, and peaberry!  They all tasted like... coffee!... that hot beverage that I never drank!

Our tour guide explained why Kona coffee is a premium product: the volcanic soil; the higher elevation; the dry days, rainy afternoons, and cool evenings; the hand-picked ripe "cherries"; and the slow drying and roasting processes.

I have been on several wine tours, but I found this coffee experience much different:  there were similarities... but there was so much I did not know.

When are you ready to learn?
(Photo:  Coffee plant and coffee cherries - Larry Gardepie)

Because the experience and information were new, I found myself engaged, willing to learn, and fully present.  I recalled earlier in life when these moments came more often:  I would listen intently, ask questions, and sense that I had truly learned.  The guide was wonderful in that he stayed on script, acknowledged my questions, and wove in answers when the timing was appropriate to the coffee planting timeline or sequence of his presentation.

The willingness to learn, ask questions, and take in new information encouraged my curiosity.

What is your desired outcome?
(Photo: Coffee roasting options - Larry Gardepie)

By the time we went to the roasting session, I understood the differences between a coffee cherry, bean and peaberry, and the importance of waiting for cherries to ripen individually and be handpicked.  This understanding helped me to appreciate Kona coffee and why it is considered a premium coffee.

The roasting had a series of instructions based on the desired result: length of time and constant monitoring.

Do you monitor your progress?
(Photo:  Classic coffee roasters - Larry Gardepie)

How does this relate to dialogue, you might be asking?!

There were several lessons learned in the few hours at the coffee estate:

• Pay attention to what you know, think you know, or don't know.
• Be willing to ask questions... and wait for the answers.
• Test your understanding by sharing any thoughts or conclusions.
• Apply what you have learned and be willing to change any previous conclusions.

After the tour and roasting session, we went back to the coffee tasting area.  The coffee taste had changed... or had I?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Human Complexity

My Iowa grandparents would spend their two-week vacation each year in California with us.  My family would pack into the station wagon and trek two hours north to the San Francisco International Airport. At that time the terminals were arranged in a horseshoe around a circular multi-story parking garage.  There was one multi-lane road into the airport and the garage and one multi-lane road away from the airport.

As time passed, the needs of San Francisco changed:  the airport terminals now surround the garage; an automated train connects the terminals; BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) provides public transportation to the airport; and the road system and overpasses have become more complex.

I saw an aerial view of SFO recently and was amazed at how it's changed over the years.

Has your life become more complex over time?
(Photo credit:  San Francisco Airport - Facebook post)

Complexity, change and inconsistency are the words surfacing in my mind since last week's post, A Confession (click on link to read).  I introduced myself:  "Hi!  My name is Larry G, and I am a recovering dialogue-aholic!"

The situation I encountered last week had to do with the elections: how divided our country is; how complex our lives have become; and how inconsistent we are with our needs or wants.  I am afraid as we try to figure where to go, we are traveling through life too quickly and missing important signs.

WE (individually and collectively) have created the complexity -- in ourselves, our families, and our communities.

Do we acknowledge what humans have created?
(Photo credit:  Highway Engineering - Facebook post)

Examples?  We say we want to slow down... but we take on more.  We say the economy has left us behind... yet airports are hitting record travel above pre-pandemic levels.  We say food and everything is more expensive (which is true), but we've been setting all-time highs in consumer buying (looking at volume not increased prices).  Cost-of-living and gas is high, yet we voted for bonds and tax increases and still buy gas-guzzling trucks and SUVs.  We point to our elected officials and vote them out of office, yet we don't change our ways.

I know these examples are myopic and incomplete, but the surface level disturbs me:  we aren't willing to have civil conversations about what we need or want.  Rather, we label The Other as the problem and create dividing lines that separate us.

Are we part of the problem?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Highway Engineering - Facebook post)

This disconnect became evident when a red-capped woman identified me as a "F------ Liberal" and accused me two days before the election of creating the problems in our country.  I noticed that I listened to the election results Tuesday evening through this isolated experience... I was hurt... I was angry... I was misjudged... I was blamed.

How bad is OUR situation and how isolated have WE become? If one-half of OUR population is upset (no matter which side WE are on), there is a problem!  This is not a WE-THEY issue... WE are talking about US!

Complexity, change, and inconsistency... maybe WE need to talk about it in a civil manner... as Americans... all on the same side... not blaming... but listening... and wondering how to move forward.

 Oops!  I forgot!  "Hi!  My name is Larry G, and I am a recovering dialogue-aholic!"
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

A Confession

Hi!  My name is Larry G, and I am a recovering dialogue-aholic!  I had several encounters this past week where I hit bottom:  I realized that dialogue was not the answer in every situation.

The first instance occurred last weekend.  I was in line behind someone, waiting to check out of a hotel.  Simple task: wait patiently, check out, put the suitcases in the car, and leave.

Where do you see beauty?
(Photo:  Rose Window, Notre Dame Cathedral,
Paris - Larry Gardepie, 2006)

This simple task became complicated when the customer and hotel clerk visited for several minutes.  Overhearing what others are saying isn't always a good thing, especially in this situation when the customer -- wearing a red cap -- began spouting how Liberals were ruining the country and how wearing a red cap often triggers them.

After several more minutes where work wasn't being transacted, we got the clerk's attention.  She asked what we wanted, and we explained we would like to check out and get a receipt.  Several more minutes later, the customer eventually moved away, across the lobby, and waited for the elevator.

What happens when storm clouds arrive in your life?
(Photo: Storm clouds over Panama City - Larry Gardepie, 2019)

Sound okay so far?  Suddenly, from across the lobby, the previous customer started yelling at us, calling us "F------ Liberals" and how we can't stand her wearing her red cap.  Then she began coming towards us yelling more hated-filled speech.

Feeling in danger, dialogue was nowhere in my head!  I yelled back for her to stop and move away from us.  (For those who know me, this is not me!)

When are you called to lofty peaks?
(Photo: Denali, Alaska - Larry Gardepie, 2004)

The customer moved away but kept yelling at us until the elevator doors opened and she left the lobby.  Dialogue was not on my mind when I turned toward the hotel clerk, and angrily accused her of not doing her job, engaging in political speech, and not coming to our aid when the abusive person was accosting us.  She smiled and said she was doing her job by checking us out of the hotel.

The second instance this week?  I am still reflecting on what happened... and will write about it next week!

Hi!  My name is Larry G, and I am a recovering dialogue-aholic!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Anniversaries and Memories

Happy Anniversary!

What?!  Did I miss something?  Are you feeling that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are reminded of a birthday, anniversary, or special happening… which you had forgotten?!

No, you haven’t forgotten… at least nothing earth-shattering… so you can relax!  This post marks the 9-year anniversary of this weekly blog:  November 1, 2015 to the present!  (Click on the link to read the first blog.)

Nine years of musings and reflections on our world and its wonderful moments… and our craziness!  These writings have been a way for me to process what I am seeing, hearing, feeling and thinking — and — to listen to your perspectives shared through blog comments, emails, phone calls and in-person conversations.

What I remember most about these 9 years is the value of perspective:  the different ways that each of us sees and interprets our world; the color that we add to the overall picture; and the sum of our truths that we share and accept.

November 1, 2015 seemed like a good starting point: having finished a 2-year study practicum on dialogue practices, attended the worldwide Parliament of World Religions, and celebrating the feasts of All Saints’ Day, All Souls’ Day, and Día de los Muertos.

It was a time of Remembrance and Gratitude… a time for harvesting ideas and intentions… a way to nurture Thanks Giving.

I am mindful of anniversaries and memories as I wait to attend my youngest brother’s wedding this afternoon:  as Kevin and Colleen gather with friends and family, I am mindful of the importance of love and support, forgiveness and kindness, dialogue and growth… ways to celebrate and remember each year the goodness of life.

As we enter the uncertainty of this next week:

• May we remember and celebrate what is important… self and community, new ways and traditions, freedom to agree and disagree.
• May we discover ways to heal our hurting world… through listening, asking questions, and seeking to understand.
• May we move away from our Win-Lose framework… by working towards solutions that address all of our needs and desires.

I give thanks to you this anniversary… for helping me to learn… and I offer you peaceful memories!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Hidden... Until Revealed

A recent trip was impacted by Hurricane Milton... positively impacted in that our trip was extended!  The most difficult part was rescheduling flights... with very few options available.  We made all of the revised flight times and tight connections... accompanied with the stress and worry in these types of situations.

Sitting back and relaxing on the final segment home, I was reminded of other flights where the clouds parted and I could see the mountains below.

I wondered:  Are there things we do not see clearly when we are in difficult situations?

What is hidden from our view?
(Photo: Colorado Rockies - Larry Gardepie)

Similar thoughts came to mind when I returned home from a weekend of reunions and memories.  Dropping through the coastal clouds near home, I found myself straining to see familiar sights below.

I reflected on the differences between living through trying times and remembering the same events years later... looking for What is Known and learning from What is Being Revealed.

I wonder:  Do our memories soften or harden over time as we gain perspective?

When do we become aware of what is being revealed?
(Photo: San Diego Bay terrace - Larry Gardepie)

The same might be said of our day-to-day interactions with family and friends:

• We focus on what we know and don't see the Unknown.
• We react to the routine rather than respond to the Extraordinary.
• We stay hidden instead of bringing to light our Inner Being.
  

I wonder:  Do we have the capacity to seek what is hidden and celebrate what has been revealed?

Can we reflect clearly what is before us?
(Photo: Reflections - Larry Gardepie

Harsh words may need to be forgiven.  Perceived slights might be questioned.  Misunderstandings could be discussed.

What other ways would you suggest to Reveal the Hidden?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Memories... Like the Corners of My Mind

I know... I am back to memories!  There are reasons for this:

• I visited with an elementary school teacher (who is 98 years young);
• I attended my high school class' 50th Reunion; and,
  
• A friend just died of a prolonged illness.

All are reminders of time passing... precious time and memories!

What is written in your Life Book?
(Photo: North Salinas High School Yearbook Cover)

I am reminded of Barbra Streisand's song, The Way We Were:

"Memories
Like the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were.

Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were."

I am learning several things about these memories: the fragile nature of life... what is important and what we treasure... stability and change.

How do you see yourself?
(Photo:  Graduation Photo - Larry Gardepie)

As I listened to and observed my classmates of 50 years ago, I became curious about the paths people took, decisions made, families and legacies:  what was recalled from days long past and what we made of our lives.

People remembered that I was a long-distance runner... and that I was quiet.  If we are still in touch, they know that I love to travel, family and friends are important, and that I have had a varied career (teaching, youth ministry, seminary, human resources, project management, software implementation and design, consulting).

What are those memories in the corners of your mind?

What has changed... and is still changing... in your life?
(Photo:  Seville, Spain 2013 - Larry Gardepie)

As I returned to my "quiet self" of 50 years ago, I realized that is still part of who I am.... but it no longer speaks of whom I have become.  I am no longer the quiet person people remember.  I -- and we -- are much, much more than the memories!

I believe the gift of reunions and memories is to establish a shared base of what we knew... back then.  The beauty of dialogue is the discovery of how we have changed... and what is important to us now.

This is a lifelong process:  remembering Yesterday's Person while accepting the freedom and challenge to honor Today's Awareness.

This freedom extends to how we see and treat others in our lives... not trapping them in the Memory Corners we have constructed but smiling and accepting today's discovery.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Disturbances in the Force

Fans of Star Wars will understand references to "disturbances in the force."  Why am I beginning with Disturbances?  The upcoming election seems to convey a similar sentiment... something is Not Right or Out of Balance in our communities!

There is one major difference between the movies and our present reality, though.  For the Star Wars movies, we were spectators and could differentiate between the dark side of the force (defined as anger, fear, aggression, and lust for power) and the Jedi (serving the Light and the Living).  For elections, we are called to be informed and active citizens.

Do we allow past grievances to fall away?
(Photo: Hubbard Glacier calving - Larry Gardepie)

Without taking a political side, I wonder if we can see the dark and light sides of the messages our political candidates are offering us?  I would agree that it gets confusing when both sides paint "The Other" with Dark-Force-like Language!  (Political consultants assist in honing the messages to sound bites... and we take the bait!)

I wonder if our dilemma is not having a handle on our own values or not knowing what kind of world we want for ourselves and our Loved Ones.

What helps is looking at Mystery through the lens of our Values!

How do we encounter Mystery and the Unknown?
(Photo: Mysterious Antarctica - Larry Gardepie)

For instance, if I want a world that is kind, loving, and giving...

• How do I live out those values? (Personal)
  
• Can I seek out and encourage people with similar values? (Communal)
  
• Which candidate will support the growth of those values?  (Political)
  

It takes work on our part to understand ourselves, improve ourselves, and aspire to the values important to us.  The Mystery is lessened when we take a step closer toward the World Envisioned through our values.

Can we see beyond the disturbances?
(Photo: Silver Lining - Larry Gardepie

My encouragement is in the Gift to Dialogue: listening, asking questions, and seeking to understand.  If we approach these elections with a Spirit of Dialogue, maybe we can share our value systems and what is important to us... and invite our friend and neighbor to do the same.  In this way we could lessen the boundaries that separate us:  we have heard what is important.

 

May this week provide ways to see beyond the disturbances.  May we become informed and active citizens.  May we enliven the values that guide us -- personally, communally, and politically.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Thoughts of Blue

I joined a faith-based student group while in college.  One evening the seminary student who facilitated us asked, "What color is God?"  The majority of people answered, "White" -- primarily based on art work and photos they had seen since childhood of God sitting on a throne among the clouds.

I sat and listened, embarrassed that my Unspoken Answer sounded silly.  Brad eventually called on me, and I blurted out "Blue!"

How do you color the world?
(Photo: Feathery Clouds - Larry Gardepie)

No one laughed, but I still blushed.  Brad was staring at me and asked me why... something he had not asked anyone else.  I told him how blue filled the heavenly skies and, on a sunny day, reflected itself in the waters of the earth.  It was everywhere... which speaks of God's omnipresence.

Brad smiled, and then went on to the people around me.  At the end of our group meeting, he made a point of coming up to me to talk.

Do you reflect the world's beauty in your daily actions?
(Photo: Ocean Blue - Larry Gardepie)

He noticed that I was shy and quiet in large group settings, and very rarely spoke up.  He then complimented me on my answer to the question -- how original and thoughtful.  He then asked if he had my permission to call on me more often.

It was the beginning of belonging, acceptance of my inner thoughts, and that I had something to offer.  Brad broke through my introversion... through his questions and the respect he offered.

What emerges when we accept others?
(Photo:  Sea of Cortez Sunset - Larry Gardepie)

I still experience God as blue because of God's expansiveness:  we experience God's presence everywhere!  I have learned to trust myself -- and others!  We have something to offer one another.  Sometimes our thoughts may sound different, but they are not silly.

We have a choice to expand our understanding and experiences of this wonderful world.  We can only do that when:

• Leaders listen, draw us out from what limits us, and respect us.
• We accept the challenge to share our thoughts, listen to others, and respect them.
• We reflect our Sacred Worth and Value -- the God-ness -- that is ever present.
  

Here's to a Blue and Expansive Week ahead!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Doppelganger: An Apparition or Double

I traveled throughout the United States as a software trainer/consultant for over three years.  Many friends commented at how lucky I was to be on the road.  I can tell you... it was hard work and wasn't all fun!

I discovered that there are many challenges with business travel:  learning to pack and unpack quickly; protecting your home life; staying connected with family and friends on very limited time; and keeping track at connecting airports of whether you were coming or going!

Have you ever seen someone you thought you knew?
(Photo credit:  LAX Doppelganger - Julia Noonan)

One day I received a text from our VP of Sales asking if I was at LAX.  She was in Los Angeles, assumed I was on the road again, and thought she saw me at the airport.

I happened to be at home for a week before my next assignment, which I told her.  She sent me a photo of the person she thought was me:  "Your doppelganger," she said.  (I love the word, doppelganger, but had to look up its meaning: "an apparition or double of a living person.")

Looking at the photo, I couldn't see myself... and wondered what she saw that I couldn't see.

How clearly do we see our world?
(Photo:  Alaskan Reflections - Larry Gardepie)

Over the years I have wondered about how clearly I see the world:

• Mistaking people or their names;
• Misunderstanding what people are saying;
• Misidentifying problems and solutions.

We each have our own learned way of categorizing people, places, and things... as a friend or a foe; feeling safe or threatened; accepting or rejecting guidance and correction.

And, at times... maybe... we can admit that we see only an apparition or a double of what is Real!

Are we willing to deeply explore what we see?
(Photo: Mirrored Reflections - Larry Gardepie)

Through curiosity and dialogue, I am trying to go deeper:  to listen for what I don't understand; to ask questions where answers are unknown; and to accept that I have made a mistake.  The importance -- for me -- of curiosity and dialogue is the ability to
continue learning:

• I may not have all of the facts.
• I might have missed what was important to that person.
  
• I must become comfortable with mystery and not knowing.

As we look at ourselves in the mirror this week, let's expect to see someone for the first time!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Where Do Memories Belong?

Mom would mutter "That man!" under her breath whenever she pushed her walker past a closed bedroom door in our family home of over 40 years.  The man in question was Dad; the closed door was to the bedroom my older brother and I shared years before.  Steve and I grew up in a light blue bedroom -- very soothing for two young boys!

Years later Dad was sprucing up the house and decided to repaint the room.  The light peach color he selected turned out to be bright orange!  Dad, being color blind, didn't realize how jarring the color was!

Mom's solution:  keep the door closed!

How do you color your memories?
(Photo: Childhood Bedroom Emptied - Larry Gardepie)

Memories of our family home spilled out on the front yard after Mom passed away and later when Dad was gone.  Siblings and friends helped to arrange and staff the yard sales.  Memories Emerged as items were sold or given away and carried down the street... never to be seen again.  The last item to go:  our dining room table where so many meals, celebrations, conversations, and games occurred.

The hardest moment, though, was leaving the empty house for the last time and handing over my house key to my older brother -- the key that provided access since I was 10 years old.

Are your memories ever sold or given away?
(Photo:  Childhood Home Yard Sale - Larry Gardepie)

I recently heard the saying:  "Memories... they don’t belong to the house; they belong to us."  How true!  Years later I relish family memories -- no longer rooted in a place... but in my heart.

Is it the same with you?  Objects may remind us, but memories can be treasured and shared.  They also may prompt pain and suffering.  We may close the door to some memories; others may be carried away and never seen again.

Let us be kind to ourselves and with others as Memories Arise... after all, Memories Belong to us.

Where do your memories belong?
(Photo:  Childhood Home No More - Larry Gardepie)

The rest of the story?  A year after the house was sold, I was visiting Millie, our former neighbor from across the street.  She introduced me to the young couple who bought our home.  Their 3-year-old son picked my childhood bedroom:  he always wanted to live in a pumpkin!  "That man" created new memories for a young boy!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Prickly Situations

I assume that we have had situations where we didn't know what to say: harsh words at home; misunderstandings at work; an inability to find the right words.  I want to believe that this is a human dilemma that we all face.

The aftereffects are the prickly or difficult conversations that often are ignored or avoided... only to discover later on that the issues have not been resolved

Do you focus on the thorns or the flowers?
(Photo: Neighborhood Cactus - Larry Gardepie)

These thoughts were going through my mind as I walked around my neighborhood this past week.  I have been a consultant for a local nonprofit's leadership team for several years.  Supervisors talk through issues where they are struggling to find answers.  We discuss various approaches to their situations, searching for solutions that make sense for them and their employees.

What has surprised me is how often no action is taken: sometimes, the situation resolves itself; oftentimes, it is ignored!

How close do you get to the thorny parts of life?
(Photo:  Wrigley Memorial and Botanic Gardens,
Avalon, Santa Catalina Island - Larry Gardepie)

I wonder why we ignore difficult situations:

• We are overloaded and don't have the time or the energy?
• We hope the problem will disappear?
• We are afraid of making the situation worse?

I would agree that not all problems have easy solutions, and I could be convinced that distance sometimes allows people to step back and consider different approaches.

Can you see beauty in any situation?
(Photo:  Neighborhood Cactus - Larry Gardepie)

What confuses me is when some supervisors describe the same situation over and over... and have done nothing to explore or settle the issue.    Why no action when the issue hasn't disappeared, resolved itself, and is ever present?

In moments of confusion and not understanding, I turn inward and wonder how often I do the same thing!

As we face uncomfortable situations in our lives, maybe we need a family member or friend to point out our patterns... walk with us through these thorny patches... and encourage us to break our cycles of fear and inaction.

Just look at nature:  even the thorniest of plants have beautiful flowers to be discovered... and so do we when we continue to grow and blossom!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)