Below the Surface

A large portion of an iceberg is below the surface (up to 90% according to the U.S. Geological Survey).  That statistic is one of those Jeopardy-esque bits of information that floats around my mind.  It became REAL to me, though, last month as our ship navigated cautiously around massive icebergs that sometimes dwarfed our ship.

Our onboard Ice Pilot explained to us Newbies that it is important to respect the icebergs: if you cannot pick them up, you stay away from them!

What do you respect?
(Photo: Antarctic Icebergs - Larry Gardepie, 2023)

Gazing out at these castoffs from the ice shelves and glaciers was other-worldly.  I had to remind myself that the Beauty Seen was only surface-level.  There was so much more to this object than what I could see:  there was a depth below the surface that could only be imagined.

At times we caught glimpses of what was below: the ocean waves brushing along the edges; the change in water color near the ice; the play of water, ice and light allowing us to see a few feet below.  How much more cannot be seen... unknown to us without assistance from navigation instruments that could read the depths?

Where do you find beauty?
(Photo: Antarctic Iceberg - several times larger
and longer than our ship - Larry Gardepie, 2023)

A few times our vessel crept close enough to see more:  the surface AND what was hidden.  This closeness sometimes seemed too dangerous, too intimate... especially with memories of the Titanic's fate on our minds!

At that instant I wondered about relationships and dialogue:

• How much of another person do we actually see and experience?
• What remains a mystery to us?
• When do we invite closeness and share vulnerability?
  
• When should we respect distance if a situation is too big to carry?
  

What is below your surface?
(Photo:  Antarctic Iceberg - Larry Gardepie, 2023)

As the icebergs drifted past and we moved on to other vistas, I reflected on the melting of these gigantics: how long would it take to become manageable?

I guess part of our inner work these days is to look at what we hide below our surface and how often we invite honest and vulnerable dialogue to melt the distance between us.

Just wondering:  how much is below your surface... 90%?... and how much do you reveal of yourself to others?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Frozen or Missing the Connection?

Our world relies so heavily on being connected: phones, computers, mobile devices...  And since COVID, internet speed and stable video connections have become critical for team meetings, online classes, church services... and Happy Hours with friends!

Recently, a friend and I were having an online meeting when one or both of our images would freeze and the audio would become garbled or would go out entirely.

At first we weren't sure if it was an individual router, if it was system-wide, if it was the video conferencing service...  The list of what could be the problem and how to troubleshoot seemed endless!

How do you know when communication is frozen?
(Photo credit:  Top Icy Faces from Canada's Winter
Running Scene, Running Magazine)

   

But, what was the most frustrating: after we corrected the issue the first time, we assumed we had a good connection and continued with the meeting.... then it would happen again.  We would troubleshoot, fix the problem, assume we had a good connection and continue with the meeting!  After the third or fourth repetition, we stopped and talked through other options.

Reflecting on our situation, we noticed that neither of us said anything early on.  We would become distracted, trying to fix the problem on our side.  We did not immediately tell the other person what was happening.  In fact, on my part I even tried to piece together the part of the conversation I heard... and started filling in the blanks of what I did not hear!

Do you ever wonder what is below the surface?
(Photo credit:  The Largest Icebergs
in History, The Active Times)

  

It wasn't until one of us shared that our connection was freezing and we had missed whole parts of the Story Told, that the Story Untold was revealed:  the issue wasn't individual but was shared.

I wonder:  how often, when we encounter a problem, do we immediately describe what we are experiencing?  Or do we try to solve the problem individually?

 

After all, there may be more going on below the surface!

Is it time to unfreeze any relationships?

 In Moments of Vulnerability we begin to realize our need to:

• Share what we are seeing or what is happening individually.
• Recognize that more may be happening below the surface.
  
• Acknowledge that a broader solution may be needed to reconnect.
  

Just think:  if we choose to sit individually with a problem... we just might become cold, wet, and frozen... together!

As winter weather settles in, may we learn to connect by warming up our relationships -- inviting people in, sharing food and drink, and allowing vulnerability to reconnect us!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)