Wraps Uncovered

Many of the downtown buildings in San Diego are "wrapped" with advertisements leading up to and during Comic-Con International.  Mind you, the city has laws against building-wrap advertisements!

The local news revealed how lucrative this type of advertising is:  the hotels and businesses make far more money in advertising Hollywood blockbusters than the city's fines!  In addition, the city doesn't enforce this law because it wants the businesses, tourists, and conference attendees to have a good experience of San Diego.

I am reminded of something that happened several years ago.  Driving with a younger relative, he made a U-turn in an area where the signage said, "No U-turn."  The reply when I looked over:  "It's okay until you get caught."

Are there certain things you do... no matter what?
(Photo: Marriott Marquis and Marina,
San Diego - Larry Gardepie)

I am not placing a value or making a statement about either of these situations.  Rather, I find it interesting how we describe our society as "Law and Order" yet choose which rules or laws we will follow... and then rationalize our actions based on our belief systems.

The gap between Espoused and Actual Values is sometimes far apart!  We decide individually whether the consequences are worth the risks... no matter the impact on others or society.

When do we stand against violence?
(Photo:  "Comfort Women" Column of Strength,
San Francisco - Larry Gardepie)

There are so many examples in our society where we are inconsistent:

• We teach driver safety... but we are distracted by our mobile devices, and we drive above the speed limit.
  
• We talk about dignity and respect for each person... but we do not stand against violence in our homes and neighborhoods.
• We agree about the importance of safe environments... but we do not protect our children and vulnerable against crimes.

Where do we find beauty and hope?
(Photo: Hanging Cranes, San Diego
International Airport - Larry Gardepie)

What happens when our espoused and actual values stay separated?  The words (or wraps) we have placed around ourselves are seen for what they actually are:  they are only there as outward show.  The core of who we are and who we want to become need to be unwrapped!  Through questions, dialogue, and listening, we can unwrap what is inside -- our innermost thoughts and desires!

Then, the hard work begins:

• What do we do to support one another?
• How do we work toward an integrated personal life?
• Are we willing to live in relationship with others?

Let's begin this week:

• What inconsistencies do you struggle with?
• How do you experience your Column of Strength?
• Where can I be of help?

And maybe more importantly, I need YOUR help!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Smiles... Have You Checked Your Eyes Lately?

Ever noticed people's smiles?  I am sure we all do!  Since we were infants, we learned to watch the faces of our parents and others, looking for acceptance and recognition.  We learned to observe and interpret very young.

That's why I have become interested in people's facial expressions: smiles, frowns, worried furrows, and joy.  So much is expressed to us non-verbally about safety, acceptance, warmth, pain, and love.

What do you see in a friend's face?
(Photo credit: Using Data Science to Tell Which of
These People is Lying, University of Rochester)

Have you noticed that some people have a perpetual smile on their face whereas other people's expressions shift depending on the situation?  Smiles are wonderful -- don't get me wrong! -- but I've always wondered about people who always smile!  What are they hiding?!

I read something interesting recently, how neuroscience is reviewing the connection between facial expressions and the eyes -- especially when eyes and smiles don't match up.

How have you learned to show that you are happy?
(Photo credit: "Smiling Eyes" Likely Don't Signify
True Happiness After All, Carnegie Mellon)

I wonder if this is the disconnect I feel when I encounter someone who is always smiling: maybe the eyes are telling me a different story than the smile?

And, just like the lessons learned as a child to watch facial expressions to feel approval or acceptance, maybe there are other learned behaviors that we have never considered or discussed... disconnects in what we say and do.

Can you align your facial expression with your thoughts?
(Photo credit:  How to Smile with the Eyes, WikiHow)

While going through youth ministry training years ago, one of our mentors would tell us, "If you are happy, tell your face!"  Integrity -- the ability to align our mind and body, thoughts and feelings, espoused values and actual values.  Sometimes we need others to ask about these disconnects.  Sometimes we need to reveal what is happening behind the smile.

Our challenge this week is awareness:  noticing the disconnects in our lives -- when we smile but don't mean it; when verbals and non-verbals are not aligned; when we have not checked our eyes and smile.  If you are happy, tell your eyes!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)