Gooder Than I Thought

I assume I know the answer to the following question... but I thought I would ask:

Do you ever doubt yourself?

I do!  And that's why I wanted to ask the question:  I wondered if I am the only one that doubts decisions I have made or actions I have taken; questions why I got myself involved in another project; or rethinks why I said what I said to another person.

My assumption is that we all have Little Nigglings of doubt from time to time... lying awake at night... and wondering.

Do you ever wonder how good you are?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Family Circus, Bil & Jeff Keane, 12/25/23)

As these thoughts swirl around and begin to take on a life of their own, I wonder... Isn't there a better way?  Assuming that we all have doubts at one time or another, what would life be like if we:

• Surfaced and reflected on our struggles;
• Shared our thoughts with others; and
  
• Allowed ourselves to be less perfect and more human.

What causes you to doubt yourself?
(Photo credit:  Self-Doubt, Shutterstock)

 

Noticing "nigglings" is one thing.  But, when self-doubt takes on a life of its own and undermines self-image and self-confidence, there may be a problem!  That's where noticing becomes even more important:

• Is this doubt hurting me or others... essentially, separating us?
• Can I move into a non-violent way of talking, sharing, and understanding?

 

That is, when I listen to and surface the self-doubt, I oftentimes find out the situation isn't as bad as I thought.  Bouncing off doubts, worries, and ideas connects us!

(Photo credit:  Finding Freedom from Fear and
Silencing Self-Doubt, Mike Foster)

Knowing that you and others sometimes doubt yourselves opens the door to changing how we respond to one another.  It may be as simple as removing the "t" from "can't":

• I can't believe in myself and decisions I have made -- OR -- I can believe.
  
• I can't listen to you -- OR -- I can listen.
• I can't understand your way of thinking -- OR -- we can get along.

 

Doubt and self-doubt may be a way for us to understand separation.  I am confident that we -- together -- can figure out a way to say, "We are gooder than we thought."

What do you think?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Retiring My Judgments

Over the past several months I have been considering retirement.  I enjoy my work colleagues and friends, and I am challenged by the work I do... so why retire?  With this ongoing pandemic and the fluctuations of what can be done safely, I have noticed that my attention is often distracted by home projects and other interests.  A decision I have put off several times was finally made: I retired from being an employee this past Tuesday!

Watching my parents make this decision is one thing.  Going through the process yourself, though, is much different!  Reviewing your life's journey becomes very personal:  dreams and accomplishments; the value brought to the work environment; whether or not your contributions have been valued; understanding what is lasting and noticing what is important.  These are individual and intimate to each person.

Where do your thoughts take you?
(Photo: Portland, Japanese Garden)

The first few days of transition have been similar to the days preceding:  new routines haven't set in.  Instead, I have noticed an internal letting go of deadlines, a different sense of time.  It's almost like the first few days of summer vacation as a child when you can sleep in!  And the question "What do I want to do today?" takes on new meaning:  the structures of work hours and job responsibilities no longer govern the day's framework.

What I have noticed the most, though, is the gentle clearing of self-image and worth.  I believe that I have fought against being defined by my jobs or career, but I have to admit that these judgments were the container or filters in which relationships were formed.  You are interviewed and hired for a specific need; you perform your tasks as competently as you can; and along the way people begin to see the person behind the job.

What do you see when the the mists clear?
(Photo:  Mendenhall Valley, Juneau)

In this transition, I am beginning to understand the importance of letting go, accepting what is, and using time to pause and consider a new path or response to life.  The facades or shells that form our initial impressions of one another must be let go.  The judgments that limit us to Right/Wrong ways of thinking need to be reviewed... and maybe dismissed.  My fears of incompetency, not having the answers, or not fitting can be relaxed.

Where can you relax your judgments?
(Photo: South Beach, Avalon, Santa Catalina)

The gift of transition is the ability to move further into the Journey of the Heart: discovering the True Self; accepting the True Other; appreciating and encouraging people in the moment; and releasing any fears that keep us separated and alone.

We don't have to wait until we retire from our work.  We can retire our inner and outer judgments right now! 

May we celebrate the transitions in our life.  May we retire the judgments that confine us and limit others.  May we appreciate the one life we have and the one journey we travel together.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)