Memories... Like the Corners of My Mind

I know... I am back to memories!  There are reasons for this:

• I visited with an elementary school teacher (who is 98 years young);
• I attended my high school class' 50th Reunion; and,
  
• A friend just died of a prolonged illness.

All are reminders of time passing... precious time and memories!

What is written in your Life Book?
(Photo: North Salinas High School Yearbook Cover)

I am reminded of Barbra Streisand's song, The Way We Were:

"Memories
Like the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were.

Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were."

I am learning several things about these memories: the fragile nature of life... what is important and what we treasure... stability and change.

How do you see yourself?
(Photo:  Graduation Photo - Larry Gardepie)

As I listened to and observed my classmates of 50 years ago, I became curious about the paths people took, decisions made, families and legacies:  what was recalled from days long past and what we made of our lives.

People remembered that I was a long-distance runner... and that I was quiet.  If we are still in touch, they know that I love to travel, family and friends are important, and that I have had a varied career (teaching, youth ministry, seminary, human resources, project management, software implementation and design, consulting).

What are those memories in the corners of your mind?

What has changed... and is still changing... in your life?
(Photo:  Seville, Spain 2013 - Larry Gardepie)

As I returned to my "quiet self" of 50 years ago, I realized that is still part of who I am.... but it no longer speaks of whom I have become.  I am no longer the quiet person people remember.  I -- and we -- are much, much more than the memories!

I believe the gift of reunions and memories is to establish a shared base of what we knew... back then.  The beauty of dialogue is the discovery of how we have changed... and what is important to us now.

This is a lifelong process:  remembering Yesterday's Person while accepting the freedom and challenge to honor Today's Awareness.

This freedom extends to how we see and treat others in our lives... not trapping them in the Memory Corners we have constructed but smiling and accepting today's discovery.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Where Do Memories Belong?

Mom would mutter "That man!" under her breath whenever she pushed her walker past a closed bedroom door in our family home of over 40 years.  The man in question was Dad; the closed door was to the bedroom my older brother and I shared years before.  Steve and I grew up in a light blue bedroom -- very soothing for two young boys!

Years later Dad was sprucing up the house and decided to repaint the room.  The light peach color he selected turned out to be bright orange!  Dad, being color blind, didn't realize how jarring the color was!

Mom's solution:  keep the door closed!

How do you color your memories?
(Photo: Childhood Bedroom Emptied - Larry Gardepie)

Memories of our family home spilled out on the front yard after Mom passed away and later when Dad was gone.  Siblings and friends helped to arrange and staff the yard sales.  Memories Emerged as items were sold or given away and carried down the street... never to be seen again.  The last item to go:  our dining room table where so many meals, celebrations, conversations, and games occurred.

The hardest moment, though, was leaving the empty house for the last time and handing over my house key to my older brother -- the key that provided access since I was 10 years old.

Are your memories ever sold or given away?
(Photo:  Childhood Home Yard Sale - Larry Gardepie)

I recently heard the saying:  "Memories... they don’t belong to the house; they belong to us."  How true!  Years later I relish family memories -- no longer rooted in a place... but in my heart.

Is it the same with you?  Objects may remind us, but memories can be treasured and shared.  They also may prompt pain and suffering.  We may close the door to some memories; others may be carried away and never seen again.

Let us be kind to ourselves and with others as Memories Arise... after all, Memories Belong to us.

Where do your memories belong?
(Photo:  Childhood Home No More - Larry Gardepie)

The rest of the story?  A year after the house was sold, I was visiting Millie, our former neighbor from across the street.  She introduced me to the young couple who bought our home.  Their 3-year-old son picked my childhood bedroom:  he always wanted to live in a pumpkin!  "That man" created new memories for a young boy!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

To Let Go or Not to Let Go: Is that the Question?

Many people have used the months of COVID-isolation to reflect, to clean out closets and other storage areas, and to simplify their lives.  Pre-pandemic activities and distractions seemed to melt away as we sought solace and comfort at home... safe from others.

As our social options have begun to reopen, I wonder what we are carrying forward: what have we learned about ourselves from this time of noticing, reflection, and clearing out?

As you return to normal, what have you left behind?
(Photo:  Liberty Station, San Diego - July 4th, 2021)

As I tried to go through boxes in my garage, I would get sidetracked with what to give away, throw away or keep.  Memories of family activities, elementary school friends, high school awards, and college assignments surfaced.  This Life Review opened appreciation for parents, teachers and mentors who have guided me; family and friends who have encouraged me; and work colleagues who have challenged me to grow in skills and knowledge.

It was as if I was looking back at distant corridors of my life while at the same time seeing openings of opportunities still available.

What path will you choose to take post-COVID?
(Photo:  Liberty Station, San Diego)

The initial goal of clearing out the garage has become an on-going discovery of Life's Riches and Rewards reflected in the willingness to be curious and learn.  For instance, the questions I am now considering are:

• What baggage do I carry around with me from relationship to relationship?
• What memories are attached, and do these memories keep me from letting go?
• How do I decide what to hold onto and what to let go?

It seems that as we emerge from our COVID survival mode, we have a choice:  do we want to see the Windows of Opportunity reflected in the lenses that still illuminate our lives?

What do you see reflected in your life?
(Photo: lighthouse lens from
Point Loma Lighthouse, San Diego)

I wonder, do we... or why do we... want to Return to Normal?  Is it that we don't have to reflect on or notice the baggage that burdens us?  Is being on autopilot a mechanism that keep us from facing our memories?  Or is it that we don't know how to let go?

 

Whatever is happening, our lives are reopening.  We have choices to make on how to rebuild and refresh our relationships.  As a friend recently reminded me, maybe the file folders I have about people in my life -- those perceptions and conclusions I have made and filed away about you -- need to be reviewed.

 

Opening our Windows of Understanding will allow fresh air to come in and remove the staleness that has been undisturbed for too long.  What is the question you face today:  To let go? Or not to let go?

May we begin to see the baggage we carry.  May we reflect on the burdens that weigh us down.  And may we make choices to let go of past misunderstandings, misconceptions, and missteps.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Listening for Understanding

Another milestone: 500,000.  Not just a number, but people -- family members, friends, neighbors, work colleagues -- no longer blessing us with their presence, stories, jokes, and support.  Watching CNN's memorial service, "We Remember 500,000," I was thinking of the Dialogues Lost: we are no longer able to ask questions or listen to another person's experience of life.  Gone... but the memories.

Whether in May 2020 (100,00) or September (200,000), November (300,000), January 2021 (400,00) or February (500,000), the fabric of our society is being torn asunder.  Pieces of who we are as a nation are being removed from our midst... silently and in isolation.

How do we remember and grieve?
(Photo credit: President Biden Delivers Emotional
Remembrance of 500,000 COVID Victims, Getty Images, NPR)

Through prayers, individual stories, and music, we were allowed to remember -- and grieve.  Rather than encouraging action and moving on, we were being asked to slow down, listen, and try to understand the significance of what this past year has wrought on us... as individuals, local communities, a nation, and the world.

One person said that our minds go numb with what is happening: the numbers are too huge to grasp; the grief is too deep.  But remember, we must.

In what ways do we memorialize
lost relationships?
(Liberty Station, San Diego

I wonder if Relationships Lost creates a similar numbness?  Do we retreat into the recesses of our memories, expectations and assumptions, unable to cope under the loss?  How do we memorialize the Time Lost when we move too quickly into action -- and forget to reflect, to seek awareness, and notice other pathways to explore?

What corridors of our memories
are we willing to explore?
(Liberty Station, San Diego)

COVID has reminded me of the Sacredness of Life -- all life: the unborn and the living; those whom I agree with or disagree; people in my inner circle or those beyond that boundary.

In the midst of a number -- 500,000 -- it seems that we continue to look for blame: what should have been done earlier; who is masking or not; who are being vaccinated or not; what political party has the answers or not...

I wonder, wouldn't it be easier if we:

• Slowed down;
• Reflected on the losses; and
  
•  Listened for understanding? 

As we move through our numbness and grief, may we seek peace in these losses... and hope in what we have gained.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Missing Pieces, Missing Memories

COVID projects!  I am sure you've had your share of them this past year: cleaning out closets, garages, and storage units; unending "Spring Cleaning"; reorganizing and simplifying.  Going through picture albums and deciding which photos to scan in and which ones to discard is one of my ongoing projects.  It's amazing how many people or trips I no longer remember details... names, how we met, why that travel shot was so important at the time.

I have access to or kept cards and photos that were unique and have shaped who I am.

What has shaped you?

The interesting thing about cleaning out and simplifying are the Emotions of Remembrance: who we were; what influenced us; how we lived... in another time and place.  What shall I let go?  What shall I carry on?

It seems that as I remember, I also notice how much I don't remember.  There are missing pieces in my Life Story:

• Was I too young to know the significance of what was being said?
• Did I not have a context to understand?
• Why didn't I ask questions?

Missing pieces.  Missing memories.

What is missing in your life?

As I stumble through my dialogue practice, I am reminded over and over again how critical it is to develop and nurture Curiosity, the desire to learn and know about anything.  The skill of being inquisitive.

 

My grandparents and parents have passed from this life.  The stories that made them unique can no longer be told in their own voices -- what they experienced and understood to be true.  Fortunately, I still have brothers and sisters.  I am sure each has their own memories of Grandpa, Grandma, Mom, and Dad... from their own perspectives.  I must remember that each of their experiences is individual, rare, and true.

When is it time to listen?
(Photo Credit:  The Simple Guide to Caring
for Elderly People, Huffpost)

I am thankful for memories as I decide what to digitize, what to remember, and what to let go.  I now realize how important it is to pay attention to those around me.  Can I ask -- and pay attention -- to the stories that have shaped other people's Ways of Being in this world?

 

Maybe one lesson for our divided world is how we might want to come together -- with a desire to listen, ask questions, and hope to understand what missing pieces another person holds.  Only when we share these lessons can we put together who we were, who we are, and who we want to become.

As we feel the loss of missing memories, may we reach out to others and practice ways to become curious.  May we seek to hear and remember.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)