Innocent Until Proven...

Sitting in the courtroom for jury duty last week, the judge was explaining to us the constitutional concept of Presumed Innocence (being innocent until proven guilty).  The prosecuting attorney must present the facts that showed a criminal act had been committed... beyond a reasonable doubt.

A few jurors asked for a definition of reasonable doubt.  The judge and the attorneys would not give a definition or a percentage of certainty.  Rather, we were told, the jury needed to struggle with the facts of the case and come to its collective understanding of doubt and guilt within the framework of the presented evidence.

My childlike and lived experience of innocence was burst!  In the judicial sense, innocence was a starting point and guilt had to be proven.

When has a childlike understanding been burst?
(Photo:  Bubble Man and Children - Larry Gardepie)

Looking at my daily life I realize that I don't always presume innocence!  Maybe in a new relationship I might give the benefit of doubt to the other person.  As months and years go by and we get to know one another, there is a shared history and understanding that sometimes gets in the way... I jump to conclusions or make assumptions!

In reality, though, I oftentimes react and judge people's words and actions without stopping and trying to understand.  Sometimes, I think the worse.

That's quite different than the constitutional litmus test of being innocent until proven otherwise!

When do you experience the light of understanding?
(Photo:  Young Couple and Sunset - Larry Gardepie)

And, with some political and religious views, I find my mind closed and not willing to listen to another perspective.  I can be nice and socialize, but an icy barrier is present that precludes me from seeing or understanding.  Do you feel or do the same?

I wonder what it would take for us to become curious.

• What questions do we have about another position?
• How did that person arrive at their conclusion?
• Are we afraid that we may need to rethink our conclusions?

Can an icy barrier between you and another person collapse?
(Photo:  Hubbard Glacier Calving - Larry Gardepie)

Last month I was on a small boat within half a mile of Hubbard Glacier.  Several times large chunks of ice broke away and fell into Disenchantment Bay.  The crack and crash were spectacular!  What was equally amazing were the shock waves that came toward the boat!  We rocked for several minutes as each surf-like wave came in contact with us.  We weren't in any danger, but the captain prepared us for the incoming turbulence.

 As we move closer to this year's elections, I wonder if there are ways that we can prepare for the shock and waves of change that might be coming towards us... no matter which political party wins:

• Are we willing to listen?
• Can we practice curiosity?
• How can we calmly explain the values and views that are important?

Maybe, more importantly, can we withhold judgment and presume innocence?

Your thoughts?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

System Update: The Message

Monday morning... and the messages began to arrive:  each of my "smart devices" had to be updated; new security settings needed to be installed.  Agh!  There go my plans for the day!  I felt out of control as I heeded the warnings and downloaded and installed new software on my iPhone, iMac, Apple Watch, and MacBook.

Maybe the message today was meant to awaken me to my dependence on devices -- which were meant to make life easier!

What beacon of hope do you have?
(Photo: Statue of Liberty, morning
light - Larry Gardepie)

Throughout the morning, as I struggled to update and test my systems -- which then meant that other applications also needed to be updated and tested! -- memories from my recent vacation surfaced:

• The days at sea where I could relax and be disconnected;
• Entering New York harbor and seeing the Statue of Liberty at daybreak;
• Encountering immigrant stories at Ellis island.

Each of these events and memories allowed me to update my personal messages and socially constructed realities (SCRs) about relaxation, freedom, and arrival.

Where are you challenged and evaluated?
(Photo: Ellis Island - Larry Gardepie)

For instance, as our ship passed Liberty Island in the early morning darkness, the Statue that symbolizes freedom and a new life for so many people rose through the morning mists.  Hundreds of people on the ship's bow became silent, a sacred moment of hopes and dreams descended on us.

 

Later in the day some of us toured Ellis Island, the gateway for millions of steerage class immigrants to their American dream.  In a few minutes their hopes of becoming Americans would be realized or dashed.

My thoughts about immigration, freedom and justice were challenged on this tour.  Up to 5,000 people were processed each day, and in a six-second evaluation people were categorized as fit to become an American -- or not.  I wondered how many seconds it takes me to pass judgment on another person?

When were you not accepted?
(Photo credit:  Ellis Island, Registry Room
- Ellis Island Foundation)

As I downloaded, installed and tested the new features on my smart devices, I began to consider personal updates that needed to be tested in my life:

• When do I feel safe to share my thoughts?
• What dreams are dashed by another person's opinions?
• How might I slow down my judgments about other people?

Each day introduces us to messages that test our plans and belief systems:  what we want to accomplish; how we approach others that day; adjusting what is important.

May we look forward to the updates that help us this week to change our perspectives.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Wired to Blame

A friend was in a serious car accident recently.  As she shared her story, my mind drifted back 20 years when I was caught in a blizzard as I headed to the Denver airport.  Could I have done anything differently before my car rear-ended the other car?  Did the other driver really pull off the road when the car stalled -- as was told to the state trooper?   My pictures, after all, showed the other car in the slow lane - not safely across the shoulder!

Darcy talked about similar questions:

• What happened?
• Who was to blame?
• Could this accident have been prevented?

Who do you blame?
(Photo credit:  What Happens When a Car Accident...,
Abels and Annes, P.C.)

Darcy noted that we, as humans, seem wired to rush to judgment, to blame, to assign fault, to figure out what happened, and to find solutions.  For instance, friends describe Darcy as a cautious driver -- it couldn't have been her fault!

Accidents disrupt our lives and encourage us to look at this broken world through other lenses as we seek to find answers and the reason behind a situation.

How do you see the world after an accident?
(Photo:  shattered glass barrier,
Amsterdam, Netherlands, Larry Gardepie)

 I wonder:

• Why do we find fault or need to blame?
• What if we have misjudged the situation or the other person?
•  Are we willing to learn something new about ourselves?

Reflecting on and sharing our thoughts will help us to reconcile our need to find fault and blame with our desire for understanding and solutions.
 

Where do you find love and acceptance?
(Photo:  San Francisco Heart, Union Square)

As Darcy describes her physical healing, she is trusting others to remove her neck brace -- anticipating the still-present pain and uncertainty when her neck is not supported.  Security and control is set aside, replaced by the comfort of family and friends who listen and understand.

 

At the time of my accident 20 years ago, Colorado was a No Fault state.  Imagine what it would be like NOT to find fault or seek blame?  Would we focus on healing faster... be concerned about the other person's welfare... and seek connection and answers together?

 

May any mishap this week open us more to a desire to heal a broken world and less on filtering our reactions through fault and blame.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Sun and Rain: Seeking Balance in Life

Walking through Rossio Square in central Lisbon (Portugal) several years ago, I noticed the sun playing off water spraying from a nearby fountain.  The warmth of the sun was tempered by the cooling mist.  A pleasant encounter on this hot and dry day.

I was struck by the Beauty of Balance:  one element offsetting another; not trying to dominate; both coexisting in a radiant display of sunlight on sparklets of water.

Where is there balance in your life?
(Photo:  Rossio Square, Lisbon, Portugal)

If you think about sun and rain, we need both... in a delicate balance.  Too much sun without enough rain will create desert or drought conditions.  Too much rain without enough sun can cause flooding, swamps, and mildew.  When water and sunlight is Out-of-Balance, destruction can occur.

I wonder if being in balance or out-of-balance describes the ability to stay in relationship?  What then can we say about the balance or imbalance in our lives?

What storms overwhelm you?
(Photo:  tropical storm over Panama City, Panama)

Our divided world debates about climate change - whether it is happening or not.  We differ about life and choice.  COVID has opened new fissures about vaccinations and masks:  what is the best way to achieve immunity from an external virus.

I wonder about the virus that compromises our relationships... when we cannot listen to differing opinions.  It seems that we are no longer curious about understanding the facts of a situation.  Rather, we seek to dominate or destroy what is in oppositions to our tightly-held beliefs and conclusions.

How can this new day be different?
(Photo:  sunrise over Pacific Ocean)

For me, the beauty of balance is the desire to stay in relationship.  We may not always agree... but can we keep talking?  Can we replace judgment with curiosity:

• I wonder what you think about...
• I see it this way.  How do you see it?  What is your experience?
• Help me understand how you reached that conclusion.

We cannot ask these questions if we are not in relationship.  We cannot notice a climate of change unless we are open to seeing the change in others... and ourselves.

Rain must give way to sun to create the balance that nature needs; sun must allow rain to feed the new growth that occurs when sun and rain work together; and rainbows -- covenants against destruction -- occur only when sun and rain appear together.

 
What relationships are important to you?  How do you stay in balance with those you care about?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)