Locked In

While on a Zoom call last week, Darcy -- a Dialogue colleague -- mentioned that a Lock icon randomly appeared on her new monitor over my image.  Though distracting, it did not seem to impact our conversation.  A series of questions began to emerge:

• When am I locked into my way of thinking?
• What is the impact on relationships when I don't consider other perspectives?
• How might I become more aware when I am resistant to your experiences?

 

When am I locked into my way of thinking?
(Photo credit:  Darcy Wharton)

I don't know about you, but it seems that as I grow older, the information I take in sometimes gets cemented in as Reality, Truth, and My Way of thinking and being.  Family or cultural traditions are familiar -- and safe -- so I cling to what I know.  I return to what is easy and normal.  I don't notice when I am Locked In.  Is it that way with you as well?

Our ability to consider new information is sometimes limited if we don't challenge the conclusions we have made about others.

How might I heal misunderstandings?
(Photo: The Fallas Museum
Valencia Spain, Larry Gardepie)

Therefore, in order to unlock our thoughts -- and feelings -- we must be willing to explain our thought process, how we came to the conclusions and opinions we have.  The willingness to share information -- and to listen to new information -- provides opportunities to reconnect with others.  Generations of ideas that have taken root must be reconsidered.

Can I listen across generations of ideas?
(Photo: The Fallas Museum
Valencia Spain, Larry Gardepie)

Visiting The Fallas Museum in Valencia, Spain, introduced me to the Fallas Festival of this region.  Each year monuments are constructed by local organizations working together to design and build a falla that represents them.  The festival culminates on March 19 with the destruction of these neighborhood monuments by setting them ablaze... but, before the bonfires begin, people vote on their favorite figures.   The two with the most votes are rescued and enshrined in The Fallas Museum.

Working together, creating an image that represents us, deciding what to let go of and what remains... isn't this what dialogue is about?  The ability to unlock our traditional thinking and search for ways that bring us together.

May we become more aware of our locked thoughts and feelings.  May we seek to remove these limitations.  May we explore opportunities that open us to new ideas.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Unlocking Our Hearts

I first saw it in Lisbon, Portugal - at the top of the Santa Justa Lift, an elevator opened in July 1902 as part of the public transport system.  A few years later I again encountered them in San Francisco along Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39.

Locks attached to cyclone fencing:  locks in all shapes and sizes... intentionally left behind... signifying undying love for another person.  Some had names or initials.  Some had miniature photos pasted on.  Others were ordinary and anonymous.  Locks used as public statements about what was in someone's heart.

What do you see: locks, barriers or beyond?
(Photo: Lisbon, at the top of Santa Justa Lift)

Recently, my mind returned to these images.  Not because of undying love for another, but because I have noticed my heart is locked against some people.  I have been walking out of the room when a person whom I disagree with comes on the television:  politicians, activists, news commentators.  Sometimes, I can't stand to hear their voices.  Other times, I am tired of their simplistic soundbite answers.  Most often, I don't want to hear their denials of what I hold to be important.

I wonder how I got to this point - especially with people I have never met and do not really know.  I can count on one hand -- maybe only a few fingers -- people in my life I have had such a strong reaction.  It is difficult for me to get to the point of no return: where I cut off relationships.

I tell myself:  "This is not normal" and "I am not this way."  Or... am I?

How do you show your love for another person?
(Photo: San Francisco, Pier 39 fence)

With dialogue, we are invited to respect the other person and their views.  We are challenged to suspend our judgments and seek curiosity:

• I wonder why s/he believes that...?
• Can you help me to understand...?
• Why is this important to you?

Dialogue opens the door to noticing what we have in common and what is different.  Suspending judgment slows down the reaction to lock out another person, to pause, and to respond by inviting them in.  The words "right" and "wrong" become foreign as we explore... together... how and why we experience this world individually.  We seek to understand the filters that overlay and provide separate meanings to the same event.

What does your heart say about others?
(Photo:  San Francisco, neighborhood mural)

So, why do I walk out on a figure on TV?  Maybe because I don't have a relationship with them?  Maybe I have not locked in my curiosity or desire to get to know them?  Maybe it is easier to walk away from others than to listen?

I now wonder what is worse:  to be locked in or locked out?  What do you think?

May we explore the locks we have publicly or privately set.  May we share with others what is in our heart -- and why.  May we unlock opportunities to discover relationships anew.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)