Healing Our Divide

The events of this past week reminded me of a trip to Iceland in 2011.  I accompanied a group of people to the Þingvellir National Park.  This park has several features: giant fissures in the earth; pathways through the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates; and a vast plain where rivers connect.

As we were guided through the rock formations and looked out on the water-filled landscape, we were told the Icelandic history of its competing populations coming together and discussing their divergent needs in this harsh landscape.

What divides you from others?
(Photo: Þingvellir National Park, 2011 - Larry Gardepie)

The image of these ancient peoples passing between the walls of these two tectonic plates to arrive at Þingvellir, "The Fields of Parliament," was inspiring.

Here we were, a group of tourist-strangers, following the same path:  passing between two seemingly immovable formations that are constantly grinding away at each other, causing temblors as one gained and the other lost.

Do you feel safe with the people around you?
(Photo: Between Two Continents, Þingvellir National Park - Larry Gardepie)

Did I feel safe being near these open fissures and moving plates?  Yes!  Surrounded by strangers, we were people experiencing the same events.

Were we necessarily experiencing them the same way?  No.  We each had our own lenses of culture, upbringing, values, and needs that filtered and interpreted what the guide was telling us.

Can we see and share what is already plentiful?
(Photo: "The Fields of Parliament", Þingvellir National Park - Larry Gardepie)

This seems to be why Þingvellir was chosen as the site for the annual gathering:  the people from other parts of Iceland resented the power and influence of the southwest peoples; the rock formations created a passage that brought unity; the plains had plenty of water; and the peoples brought food for themselves and others to share.

The annual parliament became a time of listening and overcoming the differences of this emerging island-nation.

Listening to the events of this week, I wonder:

• What resentments have built up between our peoples?
• Are there experiences we have in common?
• Do we feel safe with our neighbors?
  

And maybe a final question to consider in the weeks ahead:  where are we willing to gather, share, and listen to what we have in common -- and what divides us?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Our Next Chapter

As my brothers, sisters and I were growing up, Mom would take us to the local branch library.  It became a Safe and Familiar place to discover different authors, writing styles, and storytelling.  Even when going on weeks-long road trips to visit our grandparents in Iowa, one of the pre-trip planning stops was the library to get a box of books to accompany us.  Maybe it was to keep us busy, but the lesson I learned was the joy of reading and the power of imagination.  (Years later I would work at that branch library as my first real job!)

These memories come to mind as I consider what is happening in our society today:  "the best of times" and the worst of times."

How would you describe "your time" right now?
(Photo credit:  Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens)

The Information Age has inundated us with countless sources and varieties of information.  We are now "entertained" with subtle and not-so-subtle messages in the programs and news sources we watch, the bombardment of advertisements, and the role social media plays in our daily lives.

It is unnerving when I pay attention to the attempts to manipulate my thoughts and feelings, swaying me one direction or another.  The information when presented one way stacks up against another... in simple soundbites that are meant to convince me of their truth.

Where are you getting your information?
(Photo credit:  Library Book Stacks Fabric, Spoonflower)

As unfiltered and unreflected ideas stack up in my subconscious, I notice an uneasiness at the separation I feel:  I no longer feel the safety and familiarity of my home library; I no longer feel Common Unity (community) with those around me.

The story telling and imagination have faded away as others influence what I should think or feel.

Is it the same with you?

Are you willing to rearrange your thought process?
(Photo credit:  Google download, Michigan Library)

George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans), a female English novelist, poet, journalist, and translator, once wrote:  "The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice."

What choices do you (we) need to make as we write the next chapters of our Life Story?  How can we reconnect with our sense of safety and familiarity in the communities we live?  Are we willing to share our stories and imagination with one another in a way that respects all of our Unfinished Stories?

The choice is ours -- in how we gather information, the way we check out our assumptions, and the decisions we make.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Back to Standard

Yes, it's that time of year again:  we fall back in the Fall and spring forward in the Spring to accommodate the sunlight at key times in our calendar year.

From what I have read, the concept in America was first proposed by Benjamin Franklin as a way to align waking hours to daylight hours and thus conserve on candles during the summer months.  It wasn't institutionalized, though, until 1918 during World War I -- and again in World War II -- to conserve on energy during summer months.  This helped the war effort.  Finally, in 1966, the Uniform Time Act standardized DST in America.

Are you ready to standardize?
(Photo credit:  Daylight Savings Time End, Getty Images)

Every Fall and Spring a discussion -- or argument -- arises about continuing this practice.  People talk about the disruption it causes in sleep patterns, confusion with work schedules, and the fact that we are no longer an agrarian society.

A few side notes to consider:

• A common myth is that Daylight Savings Time was created to help farmers.  In truth the farmers have been against this practice from the beginning.
• Ancient civilizations adjusted to daylight hours more flexibly that we do now.
  

Like most traditions and practices there may be misunderstandings on their origins or their value in our current world.

Which raises a few questions:  What have we been taught?  What do we know for certain?  What do we assume or believe as fact?

What standards or guidelines are important to you?
(Photo credit:  World Standards Day 2019, Aristotle Metadata)

As we adjust our clocks and check our smoke detectors, maybe we could also step back and notice our reactions -- positive and negative -- to rules, regulations, guidelines, and standards.

• Do we consider each of these restrictive or limiting?  Why?
  
• Have we had bad experiences with boundaries?  When?  What happened?
  
• Are we selective in which ones we follow (e.g., we use our seat belts but drive above the speed limit)?

When I was young, I heard my parents' and teachers' admonitions as unbending truths.  As I grew older and encountered situations that no longer fit these exact rules, I needed to develop critical judgment -- maybe even wisdom? -- to read a situation and decide what was best.

What creates safety for you and others?
(Photo credit:  Backyard Sandbox, This Is Why I Am Broke)

Now I see standards as starting points for our society to function and understand one another:  that is, rules and regulations serve as boundaries to keep us safe as we play in the Sandbox of Possibilities.

 

If we decide to go beyond socially accepted norms:

• Can we remain safe enough to stay alive?
• Will we hurt anyone else?
• How do we explain our decisions?
  

In essence, rules, regulations, and guidelines create predictability... in a world that sometimes is not.  Understanding the standard (how it came about; why it is in place) is as important as our need to change it.

 

As we fall back and spring forward, let's consider this movement of resetting ourselves... to fall back and listen before we spring forward into action.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Sense and Sensivity

Do I share this suggestion -- or don't I?  Am I breaking confidences when talking about a situation that involves me and others?  I am not sure how to handle this -- I need advice.  Which is the best path to take and still maintain relationships with others?

Do any of these questions or thoughts sound familiar?  This whole week has been filled with these moments! 

Like Jane Austen's book, Sense and Sensibility, where people learned to balance common sense and emotionality, we are invited to be sensitive.

When have you been involved in a fragile situation?
(Photo credit:  The Uplifting Science of
How Dandelion Seeds Stay Aloft, Nova)

From the moment we are born, we need the love and comfort of a core group of people.  This social unit can take many shapes and sizes.  No matter how it looks, we tend to grasp at places of safety that allow us to grow and nurture.

In this fractured world, many people are seeking love, comfort, and safety.  What happens when we deny others these nurturing components of what it means to be human?  What happens when we are denied one of these?

Where do you grasp for comfort and safety?
(Photo credit:  Complete Guide on
Your Baby's Hands, FirstCry Parenting)

Social, moral and spiritual threads weave into what it means to be human.  What would it be like if we encouraged love, provided care and comfort, and created safe environments when we connect with others over our human similarities and gently discuss our differences?

An expression that I heard in the 1980s might apply here, loosely adapted:  we are part of  a seamless garment of life -- we cannot warm others without respecting every aspect of that garment.  You are important to me!

What do we do with the wisdom we have gained?
(Photo credit:  What are Some of the Best
Qualities of Elderly People?, Slate)

Questions for us to consider:

• Do we ask questions when someone's idea or suggestion doesn't make sense?
• Have we approached a situation with curiosity and wonder?
• Can we create opportunities to discover another way of thinking or being?
  

Life is full of moments when we can balance common sense, sensibility (emotion intelligence), and sensitivity.

Let's seek out these moments this week!  Let's strengthen the social fabric that is seamless with possibilities.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Hacked!

"I've been hacked!" seems to be a common refrain in this technical world of ours.  Almost daily I receive a bogus text from a friend wanting me to open an attachment that I might be interested in or clicking a link because I know the person in this obituary.  I also receive follow-up emails from these friends apologizing, explaining that they have been hacked, and hoping that I had not responded.  Passwords are changed, and life goes on!

I can understand our caution and skepticism as we navigate this cyber world:  the preying on people's emotions; the confusion created; the disruption to relationships; the darkness and uncertainty.

How do you respond when you have been deceived?
(Photo credit:  11 Signs You Have been Hacked,
Irish Computer Society)

In a way our relationships are called into question:

• How well do I know this person?
• Why would -- or would -- this person send such a mysterious text or email?
• Do I need to strengthen the words that pass between my relationships?

And, possibly, our thoughts have been shaken as we decide how to respond to these mysterious messages.  Do I check in with the person, asking about what was said and is it true?

Who are you?  How would you describe yourself?
(Photo credit:  Unsplashed)

As we navigate this complex, ever-changing world, it is important that we know ourselves and that we are wiling to share our thoughts, feelings, and concerns with others.  It is equally important that we develop our sense of curiosity about others: asking questions; extending invitations to hear what is important in their lives; resetting the Passwords of Understanding that protect each other.

 

The connections created will allow us to feel safe even when our lives are hacked by those who don't respect and honor who we are.

Where can you create safe environments?
(Photo:  walking together post-fireworks,
Santa Barbara, Larry Gardepie)

A friend and I were at the Santa Barbara beaches for the July 4th festivities and fireworks.  It was new and unfamiliar, yet we felt safe throughout the day.  The Santa Barbara police created a safe environment to celebrate our country's holiday and ensured a safe passage home for people after the fireworks.  It took planning and coordination on their part -- and a long day of interacting with the revelers.

 

Practicing our dialogue skills -- where we listen to understand, are curious to know, and invite connection -- is one way of creating safe environments to password-protect our lives.  We come to know the words that trigger a hack or division and we come to choose words that support and connect.

 

May you be safe this week from hackers who are attempting to disrupt your life.  May you seek out people who support and defend who you are.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)