Quick To...

Okay... here's a fast word association game:

What is the one word that comes to mind when you hear this incomplete sentence:

I am quick to...

Do you have a word that completes: "I am quick to [your word]"?  Write your word down, and set it aside.

In what ways are you quick to respond?
(Photo: Comic Con street scene - San Diego, 2019)

To be honest, the word that completes my phrase is Judge... as in "I am quick to judge."  Even now, I am judging why that word came to mind first!  I have this built in -- or learned behavior -- to make a quick assessment or conclusion about a situation; I place a value on what I see or hear; I want -- or need -- clarity and boundaries.  In essence, I want to know if I belong or am safe.

I have noticed another word emerging in our world today:  people seem to be "Quick to Hate."  I wonder what is generating this emergence:  misunderstandings, inaccurate conclusions, fear... or maybe a desire that you BLM ("Be Like Me")?

How would you like to respond?
(Photo: Comic Con street scene - San Diego, 2018)

I wonder how many of us had different "Quick to..." words, like Love, Compassion, Respect, Accept, Bless, or Understand?  Did anyone say, "I am quick to be Curious"?

In past blogs, I have mentioned Chris Argyris' Ladder of Inference. (Click here to read MindTools' description of the Ladder of Inference.)

Can you respond in creative and life-giving ways?
(Photo: Sand Sculpture Contest - San Diego, 2018)

The Ladder is a tool to help us notice and understand many of our autopilot reactions.  A situation occurs -- which is based in reality and facts.  We begin to filter reality by selecting what we understand or can relate to.  As we move up the rungs of the Ladder, we interpret, assume, and make conclusions based on our selected facts.  We reinforce our beliefs and act accordingly.

Moving up the Ladder -- in my case -- uses my "Quick to skill":  I judge others.  To move down the Ladder and back to reality and the facts, I must develop other skills:

• I must become curious.
• I must discuss, understand, or accept other people's viewpoints.
• I must become compassionate or non-violent towards myself and others.

I wonder what your "Quick to" word is -- the word you set aside earlier.  And, what skill could be practiced to come down your Ladder?

Maybe we can set aside our "Quick to" words of judging, hating, and misunderstanding -- and practice new skills together of compassion, respect, and curiosity.

What do you think?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Sense and Sensivity

Do I share this suggestion -- or don't I?  Am I breaking confidences when talking about a situation that involves me and others?  I am not sure how to handle this -- I need advice.  Which is the best path to take and still maintain relationships with others?

Do any of these questions or thoughts sound familiar?  This whole week has been filled with these moments! 

Like Jane Austen's book, Sense and Sensibility, where people learned to balance common sense and emotionality, we are invited to be sensitive.

When have you been involved in a fragile situation?
(Photo credit:  The Uplifting Science of
How Dandelion Seeds Stay Aloft, Nova)

From the moment we are born, we need the love and comfort of a core group of people.  This social unit can take many shapes and sizes.  No matter how it looks, we tend to grasp at places of safety that allow us to grow and nurture.

In this fractured world, many people are seeking love, comfort, and safety.  What happens when we deny others these nurturing components of what it means to be human?  What happens when we are denied one of these?

Where do you grasp for comfort and safety?
(Photo credit:  Complete Guide on
Your Baby's Hands, FirstCry Parenting)

Social, moral and spiritual threads weave into what it means to be human.  What would it be like if we encouraged love, provided care and comfort, and created safe environments when we connect with others over our human similarities and gently discuss our differences?

An expression that I heard in the 1980s might apply here, loosely adapted:  we are part of  a seamless garment of life -- we cannot warm others without respecting every aspect of that garment.  You are important to me!

What do we do with the wisdom we have gained?
(Photo credit:  What are Some of the Best
Qualities of Elderly People?, Slate)

Questions for us to consider:

• Do we ask questions when someone's idea or suggestion doesn't make sense?
• Have we approached a situation with curiosity and wonder?
• Can we create opportunities to discover another way of thinking or being?
  

Life is full of moments when we can balance common sense, sensibility (emotion intelligence), and sensitivity.

Let's seek out these moments this week!  Let's strengthen the social fabric that is seamless with possibilities.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)