Illuminating Our Darkness

A friend and I were testing our comfort levels with our first extended trip since the pandemic began.  We talked through the risks; how we would stay observant; and ways we would check in and stay vigilant.  We wondered what our reactions would be when encountering people who might not be physically distancing or wearing masks.  Vaccinations and masks were required on this trip, but was that enough to keep us safe?

Stepping out on this first trip seemed so surreal compared to the months of limited encounters and the ever-changing landscape of what was known and unknown about this virus.  The familiarity of previous trips and pre-planning mixed with the unfamiliarity of exposing ourselves to the unexplored was unsettling at first, but it was nice to have a trusted friend to walk through this situation.

Isn't that actually what life is:  walking with trusted companions on this journey?

When in darkness, do you see any light?
(Photo:  lighted barriers shining on water, San Diego Bay)

This reflection followed me throughout the 10 days we were away:  the swirl of familiar and unfamiliar, the explored and unexplored, the known and the unknown.  I wondered... when in my life had I settled for the comfort of having The Answer, always knowing what was Right, and listening only for what I Want to Hear?

When we returned home from this journey, a magnificent storm welcomed us:  thunder and lightning and moments of heavy rainfall.  Power beyond imagination flashed through the sky, followed by the loud acclamation of Nearness and much-needed rain to quench a drought-stricken landscape.

Before the next storm, where is your focus?
(Photo:  sunset before thunder storm, San Diego)

Is Normal the goal we really want to reach -- such that we can no longer see other possibilities in our darkest moments?  Is that the question we must consider at this uncertain time in our lives?  Rather than only seeing and feeling the darkness of this pandemic -- focusing on the familiar we have lost; arguing over masks and vaccines; defining our opinions through lenses of freedom and control -- what would it be like to have a trusted friend to talk about the darkness and challenge us to see the light hidden in any moment?

As a new day dawns, does the light touch you?
(Photo: San Diego sunrise)

Waking up early one morning, we experienced a beautifully, clear sunrise across the entrance to the San Diego Bay.  The early morning light extended a reflected arm out to us, embracing us with beauty, and shining on the anchored boats in the outer harbor.  The outstretched beacon touched each of the ships individually and in their own time.

That is the way it is with us as well:

• Am I willing today to be in dialogue with another person?
• Can I share the darkness of my fears, concerns, and unknown answers?
• Is there a way -- together -- to walk and explore the uncharted or unanchored regions of our lives?
• Can we release the normal and be able to see new light and possibilities... answers that emerge from our shared journey together?

May the light of relationships disrupt the darkness of isolation.  May loud peals awaken us to the energy of change.  May we be blessed with friends who understand the dry times in our lives... drenching us with trusted waters of understanding and safety.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Stepping Stones to Understanding

Working with a local non-profit, I have been asked to develop a process to address the systemic changes and restructuring they are experiencing.  The CEO mentioned several times that he wanted Stepping Stones to show what might be done at various stages of their reorganization.  Familiar with my dialogue studies of the past seven years, I am aware that any change brings about low awareness.

Just think about changes you have experienced.  There were probably periods of uncertainty and  doubt.  There may have been times when people blamed others.  Not understanding what was happening, We begin to talk about They... the Others causing the problems or asking us to change.  We may have become reactive, mistrusted other people's motives, and became self-absorbed.

What is the first step we could have taken?

What steps do you take to understand change?

The first step for me is Noticing: the act of perceiving, becoming aware, and paying attention.

Noticing creates a Pause that allows questions to surface about the calm or turbulent moments in my life:

• What am I afraid of in this moment?
• Am I open to learning something new about myself and others?
• Am I willing to listen in order to understand?
• Who has information that needs to be shared?

How do you stay focused when journeying
between calm and turbulent times in your life?

 

It seems that Willingness is a key step for me: the inclination or readiness to  do something.  Noticing-Pausing-Willingness are tied together, beginning a journey across the divide that separates me from others.

 

If you've ever crossed a river using the stones scattered across its surface, you sometimes slip or fall into the river.  You learn that some steps are wobbly and need to be approached with caution; other stones are more stable and are easier to use.  Our stepping stones to understanding are similar: as we become more aware, we notice which steps we don't feel comfortable with -- possibly because we haven't practiced that skill or the situation is new to us.

 

The next steps we need to take?

How might you cross the waters
that divide?

When I am uncomfortable with my skill set, I have learned two other steps:  naming the fact that I Need Help and Asking for Help.  These are two very vulnerable and humbling steps!  By recognizing that I Don't Have All the Answers (another step), I find myself more open to Listening and Learning.

 

The project I am working on for the non-profit CEO, defining the stepping stones to change, seems similar to the stepping stones of understanding:

Open to Listening and Learning

I Don't Have All the Answers

Asking for Help

I Need Help

Willingness

Pausing

Noticing

 

What steps help you to understand?

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Forever Touched

Having grown up in the Salinas-Monterey coastal region of California, our perennial field trip in elementary school was the Monarch Butterfly Sanctuary in Pacific Grove.  Gazing up into a forest of trees, all we could see were the gentle brown flapping of "leaves" -- not realizing that we were seeing the underwings of  thousands of butterflies.

We learned about their seasonal migration from Canada-U.S. to Mexico, and how we were connected to these delicate co-inhabitants of this planet.  Monarch butterflies were in our backyards:  they were neighbors traveling through our young lives.

In what ways are you being transformed?
(Photo: Monarch butterfly caterpillar)

It's been disturbing to read about the Monarch's plight these past years:  their numbers have been reduced drastically.  Scientists and researchers are worried about whether they will survive.  To help, we have been encouraged to plant milkweed in our yards - one of their sources of food.  It's not a plant that you want to get attached to!  The Monarch caterpillars devour the milkweed leaves to the point you only have stalks left!  But the leaves come back quickly, waiting for the next round of caterpillars to ravage the plant again!

A delicate cycle with a fragile balance in our partnership with nature.

How can you impact the world?
(Photo: Speckled Wood butterfly, Costa Rica)

I was reminded of this childhood fascination with the Monarchs when traveling in Costa Rica a few years back.  Part of our guided tour was through a rain forest sanctuary for butterflies.  The local people protect the rain forest and have created an eco-business based on sustaining life.  I was impressed at the knowledge and passion our guides had for their neighbors.

I recalled the Butterfly Effect defined in chaos theory: how small changes can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variations across the world.

Are your relationships webs of inclusions?
(Photo: spider web, Costa Rica rain forest)

Dialogue and relationships seem to be endangered in today's divided world.  We are quick to cling to our opinions and conclusions about others.  We label and make decisions based on differences.  We don't always protect an environment that feeds patience and understanding.  We sever ties with our neighbors when we disagree.

Seeing the brown underwings of the Monarchs as a child did not reveal the true beauty of the orange-black neighbors that graced our yards.  Instead, we had to learn the connection between the two, and we had to be willing to plant milkweed to sustain life.

What would happen if we allowed each other room to be transformed, to migrate to new places of understanding?  What action can we take -- no matter how small -- that will affect others?  How can we be forever touched by the beauty of our relationships -- the ups and downs of both sides of the whole?  How can our relationships create webs of inclusion rather than trapping and killing another perspective?

What are ways that we can nourish and sustain our neighbors?

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

This Too Shall Pass

Have you ever had a week where each day is moving toward an activity or event you are not cherishing?  A medical procedure or treatment.  A quiz or exam at school.  A report or presentation where you are nervous and uncertain of the outcome.  An uncomfortable conversation that needs to occur.

Time steadily marches forward as anxiety, fear or dread overshadows every moment.  The primary focus is on what will happen... what will go wrong.  Eventually, we may move towards acceptance... "This too shall pass."

It is as if our mind, body, heart, and soul are struggling for dominance... the human spirit trying to understand and Hope Beyond.

What do you see coming at you?
(Photo: Caldor Fire, California)

Last month my brother and his family had to evacuate their home for several weeks because of the Caldor Fire.  Friends and loved ones took them in, giving shelter and comfort during an unsettling time.  For days, the only connection to the "physical home" were the security cameras that tracked the fire's progress and the efforts of first responders and neighbors who protected the neighborhood.  Home truly did become "where the Heart is" as security and support surrounded them.

Several years ago I was on a tour of Iceland.  Our group walked through the rift between the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates.  It was humbling to walk between two walls of the Earth's crust that had been thrust upward from the destructive energy of clashing plates.  There was comfort in walking through this divide... as a group. 

Who walks with you through the rifts in your life?
(Photo:  Thingvellir National Park, Iceland)

The ability to walk together through dreaded life events may be the important lesson of this time period.  We don't have to journey alone.  Sharing our fears, listening to and comforting others, becoming Vulnerably Human... these may be the dialogue skills that allow our mind, body, heart, and soul to heal.

I relearned this lesson first-hand these past several weeks as I decided to retire and was dreading an upcoming event.  Uncertainty, fear, projected outcomes, and anxiety keep me awake at night and preoccupied my days.  Talking to a friend... and allowing that friend to reach out and walk these journeys refocused what was important.

How can you see beyond?
(Photo: Ocean Scene, Inside Passage, Alaska)

To be honest, it is sometimes difficult to be honest... with myself!  Why do I dread confrontation?  Why do I become nervous with the unknown?  Why do I put off the inevitable?

Reflecting on past events that seemed so negative and dominated me for days and weeks, each turned out better than I expected!  When will I learn that these moments bring growth and a wider perspective?  When will I learn that "This too shall pass" -- and enjoy the journey and surprise at the end?

The rift between mind, body, heart, and soul oftentimes requires the energy of togetherness to realign us:  the ability to see beyond the current moment, seeking comfort and security together, and moving toward the Inevitable Goodness that pervades life!

 
May the challenges of this week lessen as you share your concerns with others.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Seeking Direction

One week into my retirement and I am still in transition!  After a few days away, I found it difficult to return home.  I am finishing a project for my former employer and have a few consulting assignments to organize, but the daily routine of what to do when is no longer the same.

The habits of a lifetime have suddenly been altered with the decision to retire.  What direction shall I go?  What is important today?  How shall I use my time?

Where do want to go?
(Photo:  signpost, Los Angeles' Sister Cities)

All of these decisions are in my hands... as they always have been!  I am noticing, though, that when I was working every day, I was probably relying on autopilot: knowing what to do, what meetings to attend, and how to prepare.  As my skills and knowledge expanded, I added other tasks to my routines and patterns.  Once comfortable with the expanded workload, I sought more challenges.  Change happened, but it was subtle and hidden in the daily workload.

How interesting to be at that time in life where so many of those habits and practices have been erased... waiting to be rewritten with today's surprises, choices, and decisions!

What paths have you chosen?
Which have been erased?
(Photo: beach on Coronado Island)

Was it the familiarity of the autopilot that produced a false sense of security and direction?  Maybe my current understanding of retirement and transitions could have happened earlier:

• Noticing the daily choices that are ever present;
• Consciously making decisions that bring life and connection;
  
• Seeing the bridges that need to be crossed.

It might be that awareness and choice are keys to the transitions we face each day.  Turning off the autopilot and observing.  Having the courage to make choices.  Being open to change in ourselves and others.

Can you see the bridge of connection?
(Photo: Penelope facing San Diego-Coronado Bridge)

The foundations of Dialogue invite us to notice, to pause, and to choose.  Through the interchange of ideas, opinions, and conclusions, we begin to understand:

• Who is important in our lives;
• What values bring direction; and,
• How we want to stay connected and in relationship.

We cannot do this reflection alone.  Dialogue requires a willing partner!

As we begin each day, may we become more aware of the growth and evolution that occurs with each encounter.  May we be willing to change, allowing the other person space and time to adjust.  May we seek bridges of connection and directions toward acceptance as others change as well.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)