More Irish Musings: Across the Divide

Is the name of the city "Derry" or "Londonderry"?  That is one of the questions we encountered when traveling in Northern Ireland!

It's a matter of who you are talking to:

• For the Irish Catholics, it is Derry (or Doire, a monastic settlement founded by St. Columba and dating back to the 6th century);
• For the Northern Irish Protestants, it is Londonderry (renamed in the 17th century when King James I settled Protestants into the northern counties).

To be respectful, our tour guide suggested, we should say "Derry-Londonderry" to any locals we meet.  (Derry-Londonderry is sometimes referred to as " The Hyphenated City.")

When are we separated from others?
(Photo: Peace Bridge (2011), Derry-Londonderry,
Northern Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

A fact of life in Derry-Londonderry: the Catholics live primarily on one side of the river and the Protestants live on the other.  Our local guide mentioned that he has many friends who stay only on their side of the river and have never met people from the other side.

In 2011, a new walking bridge was constructed to connect the two sides.  It's name -- the Peace Bridge.  The bridge has two towers which hold up the suspended walkway.  Depending on where you stand on the bridge or either shoreline, the towers look either separated or connected (crossing over).

This is meant to symbolize how close or far apart peace can be depending on where you stand -- and/or -- if you are willing to move.

Can we see when we are connected?
(Photo: Peace Bridge, Derry-Londonderry,
Northern Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

As you enter town, you cross over an older bridge and pass by the Hands Across the Divide artwork.  It portrays two men reaching out to each other -- not quite touching.  Erected in 1992, these statues symbolize reconciliation, healing, and the hope for peace.  (Note:  the Good Friday Agreement that allowed peace after centuries of struggle wasn't signed until April 1998.) 

Hands Across the Divide (1992) and the Peace Bridge (2011) remind us of the hope before -- and the continued process after -- a bridge -- or hyphen -- of respect, understanding, and peace is created. 

What keeps us divided?
(Photo: Hands Across the Divide (1992),
Derry-Londonderry - Larry Gardepie)

I wonder how many hyphens we encounter in life?  Just think of those little bridges that connect thoughts, ideas, and people's names; ways that we allow more than one belief to coexist; or how we try to respect another person.

This week let us look for hyphens or create bridges across the divides that separate and isolate us.

These hyphens and bridges may be more common than we think!  Let us work for Peace! 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

 

Bridges or Walls?

Every day is a reminder... of how fragile life is... of hope and resiliency... of the need for love and kindness.  Also, every day can be a reminder that we have a choice... to do good... to do no harm... to help and support others.

Pope Francis' life and people's reflections on his death are a testament to his choices... and those that he encouraged from all of us.

He often used the image of bridges and walls.  In his words of October 31, 2024:

"Communication should aim to build bridges where many build walls; to foster community where many deepen divisions; to engage with the tragedies of our time, where so many prefer indifference."

What walls encircle you?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Waterson)

Bridges or walls?  Community or division? Engage or ignore?

These are a some of the choices we encounter every day in our responses... to someone in need of assistance... to a person seeking asylum... to a world struggling to breathe.

Unless a bridge is old, no longer useful, or needs to be replaced, you very rarely hear of a bridge being torn down.  It serves its purpose year after year.  Bridges connect.

Has your communication created bridges or walls?
(Photo credit: Vatican News)

Walls, on the other hand, are built to protect, separate, or divide... whether for our homes (protecting family or animals), between countries (defining boundaries), or dividing cities (East and West Berlin).

There may come a time where walls also need to be torn down:

• In the words of President Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"
• When boundaries change or expand.
• After we become isolated or helpless.
  

Where can you replace a wall with a bridge?
(Photo credit:  Internet download)

As we watch or participate in the public mourning of Pope Francis, let us:

• Become aware of the walls and bridges between family and friends;
  
• Welcome the opportunity to tear down walls that separate or divide; and,
• Choose to build bridges that connect.

Our choice this week?  To do good... to do no harm... to help and support others.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

Separated No More

My mind is clearer when I am out on the water -- being able to release day-to-day tensions and projects unfinished.  A separation occurs between Past and Future, allowing me to focus on the Present -- what I am seeing now while floating along the waterways.

This theme of separation was on my mind as we left Hubbard Glacier and sailed out of Disenchantment Bay recently.  (What a great name for a bay!)

When do you feel separated from others?
(Photo: leaving Disenchantment Bay, Larry Gardepie)

Seeing the opening between two spurs of land that define the bay brought to mind the separation I sometimes feel between people:  great beauty is reflected by what is present but disenchantment defines the gulf that separates years of disengagement.

It takes an object like a bridge or a vessel to ferry people, product, and ideas across lands disconnected.  It may be similar with our own separations: we need ways to Bridge and Create Connection.

How willing are you to connect?
(Photo:  Juneau street, Larry Gardepie)

Walking along the harbor and streets of Juneau, Alaska, I noticed alleys that were actually named streets with stairs that connected the lowlands to the buildings hundreds of feet higher.  I marveled at the energy and ruggedness of citizens that braved the dark, cold winters... having to climb these stairs to get to the warmth of their homes.

So too, I reflected, are the distances we must travel when separated from others due to misunderstandings:  we must put more time and energy in taking the high road to discovery and attachment

Can you see light even in your darkness?
(Photo: full moon over Inside Passage,
Larry Gardepie)

As I reflected on the Present -- acknowledging the tensions and unfinished nature of life, I began to realize that possibilities and opportunities always exist to bridge or carry ideas beyond the barriers that separate.

Sometimes at our darkest moments, a Light persists that invites reflection and illumination.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

The Power of Waiting

It is fitting to celebrate Betty White on her 100th birthday (January 17).  Her life's work is on display through TV reruns, YouTube recordings, books, and charity work.  People marvel at her longevity -- age, a career spanning 8 decades, and her positive focus on life.  In If You Ask Me, she describes how her comedic timing developed:

"I'd be sitting there as a kid, wanting to add to the conversation, wanting to jump right in with an idea, but if I blurted something out it might ruin the moment.  It taught me a lot about the power of waiting." 

Several images came to mind when I read this:

• Standing around a Vancouver's Gastown steam clock waiting for something to happen
• Sitting in the hospital during a loved one's surgery
• Listening to a friend's recent challenges

Are you willing to wait?
(Photo:  Gastown Steam Clock, Vancouver - Larry Gardepie)

I also thought back on the dialogue, mentoring, and mediation trainings I have participated in.  Each focused on the importance of listening... and waiting for a question to arise.  Through these trainings I realized how I am conditioned to give my perspective:  I am impatiently waiting for you to finish talking so that I can tell you about me!

 

The power of waiting allows us to slow down our responses, consider what we have heard, and allow a different interaction to occur:

• What did you mean by...?
• Tell me more.
• Help me to understand.
  
  

What is your perspective on...?
(Photo: San Francisco Mission District Murals - Larry Gardepie)

Waiting does not mean that we are disengaged.  It doesn't mean that we agree with another person's conclusions or decisions.  Rather, our role is to listen for connection and understanding; our responsibility is to respect and accept the similarities and differences.  We try to understand the conclusions and decisions by checking out the reasoning or experiences that influenced those endpoints.

 

The process of waiting gives us time to connect within ourselves as well:

• Why am I reacting so strongly to what is being said?
• Am I being challenged to reconsider my own values and experiences?
• What does this say about me -- in relationship with the person who is speaking?
  
  

What risks are you willing to take?
(Photo: Cliff Walk, Capilano Suspension
Bridge Park, Vancouver - Larry Gardepie)

Waiting is like crossing a bridge, taking a risk that something important is on the other side.  It means setting aside the comfort attached to our own thoughts and conclusions and inviting curiosity:  What divides us?  What can bring us together?  How can we learn to trust again?

Like Betty, may we learn the power of waiting, and may we take the risk to see the world through lenses of humor, caring, and love.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Seeking Direction

One week into my retirement and I am still in transition!  After a few days away, I found it difficult to return home.  I am finishing a project for my former employer and have a few consulting assignments to organize, but the daily routine of what to do when is no longer the same.

The habits of a lifetime have suddenly been altered with the decision to retire.  What direction shall I go?  What is important today?  How shall I use my time?

Where do want to go?
(Photo:  signpost, Los Angeles' Sister Cities)

All of these decisions are in my hands... as they always have been!  I am noticing, though, that when I was working every day, I was probably relying on autopilot: knowing what to do, what meetings to attend, and how to prepare.  As my skills and knowledge expanded, I added other tasks to my routines and patterns.  Once comfortable with the expanded workload, I sought more challenges.  Change happened, but it was subtle and hidden in the daily workload.

How interesting to be at that time in life where so many of those habits and practices have been erased... waiting to be rewritten with today's surprises, choices, and decisions!

What paths have you chosen?
Which have been erased?
(Photo: beach on Coronado Island)

Was it the familiarity of the autopilot that produced a false sense of security and direction?  Maybe my current understanding of retirement and transitions could have happened earlier:

• Noticing the daily choices that are ever present;
• Consciously making decisions that bring life and connection;
  
• Seeing the bridges that need to be crossed.

It might be that awareness and choice are keys to the transitions we face each day.  Turning off the autopilot and observing.  Having the courage to make choices.  Being open to change in ourselves and others.

Can you see the bridge of connection?
(Photo: Penelope facing San Diego-Coronado Bridge)

The foundations of Dialogue invite us to notice, to pause, and to choose.  Through the interchange of ideas, opinions, and conclusions, we begin to understand:

• Who is important in our lives;
• What values bring direction; and,
• How we want to stay connected and in relationship.

We cannot do this reflection alone.  Dialogue requires a willing partner!

As we begin each day, may we become more aware of the growth and evolution that occurs with each encounter.  May we be willing to change, allowing the other person space and time to adjust.  May we seek bridges of connection and directions toward acceptance as others change as well.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Bridges to Understanding

Do I really understand another person... what is being said; the actions taken; the conclusions made?  It's a question I revisit many times during the week.

I try to understand.  I think I understand.  I try to explain so that I am understood.  But, in the end, do I really understand another person's experiences and worldview?  Am I understood?

What don't you understand?
(Serpent Tree, San Diego, CA)

These questions surfaced as I talked with Ann, a dialogue colleague, who recently went through cochlear implant surgery.  (You may recall an earlier blog, What are We Willing to Unlearn?, where Ann is trying to unlearn her lipreading skills.)

Ann mentioned that her speech is improving because she can hear clearly the words she and others are saying.  Friends are working with her: saying a word while Ann repeats what she heard.

At one point in our conversation, Ann shared with me a profound quote and insight:

"I finally understand why people didn't understand why I didn't understand."

Because hearing comes naturally to the majority of people, they don't understand when someone doesn't hear clearly.

Can you build bridges of understanding?
(Golden Gate Bridge at sunrise)

Think of the times when we see or hear someone:  we were so sure that we understood only to find out later that there was a misunderstanding.  Did we even consider we may not be seeing clearly or hearing precisely?  For me, I automatically assume that I understood and was understood!

It almost takes an implant of humility to bridge what we think we understand and the reality of finally understanding:  the dawning or acceptance that we may not be seeing clearly or hearing precisely.

It is at this point of departure where our questions can bridge the differences between thinking and being:  I now understand what I didn't understand!  I am really curious about what you said!

Where do you want to go?
(Astoria-Megler Bridge, seen from Astoria, OR)

Through dialogue we seek to understand, but the bridge to reality must open us to humility and vulnerability:

• What don't I know?
• What am I not understanding?
• How can you help me?

Bridges of understanding require that we risk crossing gaps in what we know.  The fear of releasing long-held beliefs may keep us from seeking another perspective.  Assuming that we have the answer may keep us from asking questions.

Maybe the challenge for us this week is to "finally understand why people didn't understand why I didn't understand"!

What do you think?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)