Bridges or Walls?

Every day is a reminder... of how fragile life is... of hope and resiliency... of the need for love and kindness.  Also, every day can be a reminder that we have a choice... to do good... to do no harm... to help and support others.

Pope Francis' life and people's reflections on his death are a testament to his choices... and those that he encouraged from all of us.

He often used the image of bridges and walls.  In his words of October 31, 2024:

"Communication should aim to build bridges where many build walls; to foster community where many deepen divisions; to engage with the tragedies of our time, where so many prefer indifference."

What walls encircle you?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Waterson)

Bridges or walls?  Community or division? Engage or ignore?

These are a some of the choices we encounter every day in our responses... to someone in need of assistance... to a person seeking asylum... to a world struggling to breathe.

Unless a bridge is old, no longer useful, or needs to be replaced, you very rarely hear of a bridge being torn down.  It serves its purpose year after year.  Bridges connect.

Has your communication created bridges or walls?
(Photo credit: Vatican News)

Walls, on the other hand, are built to protect, separate, or divide... whether for our homes (protecting family or animals), between countries (defining boundaries), or dividing cities (East and West Berlin).

There may come a time where walls also need to be torn down:

• In the words of President Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"
• When boundaries change or expand.
• After we become isolated or helpless.
  

Where can you replace a wall with a bridge?
(Photo credit:  Internet download)

As we watch or participate in the public mourning of Pope Francis, let us:

• Become aware of the walls and bridges between family and friends;
  
• Welcome the opportunity to tear down walls that separate or divide; and,
• Choose to build bridges that connect.

Our choice this week?  To do good... to do no harm... to help and support others.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

Separated No More

My mind is clearer when I am out on the water -- being able to release day-to-day tensions and projects unfinished.  A separation occurs between Past and Future, allowing me to focus on the Present -- what I am seeing now while floating along the waterways.

This theme of separation was on my mind as we left Hubbard Glacier and sailed out of Disenchantment Bay recently.  (What a great name for a bay!)

When do you feel separated from others?
(Photo: leaving Disenchantment Bay, Larry Gardepie)

Seeing the opening between two spurs of land that define the bay brought to mind the separation I sometimes feel between people:  great beauty is reflected by what is present but disenchantment defines the gulf that separates years of disengagement.

It takes an object like a bridge or a vessel to ferry people, product, and ideas across lands disconnected.  It may be similar with our own separations: we need ways to Bridge and Create Connection.

How willing are you to connect?
(Photo:  Juneau street, Larry Gardepie)

Walking along the harbor and streets of Juneau, Alaska, I noticed alleys that were actually named streets with stairs that connected the lowlands to the buildings hundreds of feet higher.  I marveled at the energy and ruggedness of citizens that braved the dark, cold winters... having to climb these stairs to get to the warmth of their homes.

So too, I reflected, are the distances we must travel when separated from others due to misunderstandings:  we must put more time and energy in taking the high road to discovery and attachment

Can you see light even in your darkness?
(Photo: full moon over Inside Passage,
Larry Gardepie)

As I reflected on the Present -- acknowledging the tensions and unfinished nature of life, I began to realize that possibilities and opportunities always exist to bridge or carry ideas beyond the barriers that separate.

Sometimes at our darkest moments, a Light persists that invites reflection and illumination.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

The Ups and Downs of Language

Language has always fascinated me:  humanity's desire to label objects and thoughts -- often abstract ideas -- to communicate with others.  I have often wondered:  Who came up with that word?  Why is that object named...?  How is it possible that we understand one another?

I am also intrigued by people who study the origin and history of words (etymologists).  Being able to listen to a word and know what words have the same roots (like author and authority or expert and experience), and which languages influenced the development of these words... all in the interest of communicating, connecting, and conveying ideas as our knowledge expanded.

Sometimes I am aware of being on autopilot, though, when speaking to some people:  rather than approaching each encounter as a sacred event of Connection and Creation, I often experience only hot air (emptiness, exaggeration, or pretentiousness).

What effort do you make in the words you choose?

The ups and downs of our communication are further complicated by the foreign languages that we speak: our natural or native tongue from our family upbringing might be misunderstood when traveling beyond our familial boundaries.

A friend of mine served two years in Turkey with the Peace Corps.  He has many stories of teaching English and learning Turkish.  As he was sharing with me simple words like Yes (Evet) and No (Hayir), I noticed my mind recalling a hot air balloon trip I took many years ago.  The pilot would ask if we wanted to go higher.  For me, it would have been easy to respond to this English question with a Yes or No.  I wondered what the pilot would have done if a Turkish passenger had said Hayir (which, in English, sounds like higher... but in Turkish means no)?!

Can you rise above disagreements
and misunderstandings?

As we experience the ups and downs of language, I wonder if we take the time to:

• Clarify what we have heard;
• Share our understanding of what was said or what we interpreted; and
  
• Be willing to adjust our knee-jerk reactions or thought-out responses to the new information shared?

After all, you might be having a good time and wanting to go to the next level whereas my experience might be the opposite:  I might need the situation to gently slow down, get to ground level, before I can move on.  Being on autopilot risks our ability to navigate the currents that direct where our relationships go.

How might we navigate the currents
of different languages and ideas?

The wonder of hot air ballooning is the realization of how quiet it is to float above the noise and chaos on the ground.  When the fire burner is not heating the air, silence and tranquility settles in.  But, as the balloon floats over populated areas, the balloon focuses and amplifies the sounds below:  it is easy to hear a person talking hundreds of feet below!

 

A lesson in communication and dialogue:  the ability to float above the noise and confusion AND to focus on what is being said!

 

May we learn to center our attention this week on the words people choose.  May we listen to what is being shared and not shared.  May we seek to amplify a sense of understanding.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Reflections: Barred or Bridged?

Sitting on our hotel balcony looking out at San Diego Bay, I was aware of the bars that obstructed my view.  I realize the barrier is there for my safety, but sometimes it is a nuisance when I can't see clearly.  I could make an effort to see beyond the obstruction:  I could stand up to be above the barrier!

It's amazing how often I don't exert any extra energy to get beyond my limitations... of assumptions about others; meanings I've attached to what someone tells me; conclusions I've made about the erratic driver on the freeway!

What blocks your view of others?
(Photo:  San Diego Bay)

Barriers come in many shapes and sizes, and I can always rationalize how my reasoning keeps me safe.  But, walking along the shoreline, I noticed something different.  I became aware of the natural barriers around me: the sand that slows me down when I walk; the water that keeps me from the other side of the bay; and the distant mountains that hide what I cannot see.

Looking closer I saw boats scattered on the beach and a bridge that curved across the bay:  boats that could transport me... with effort... to the mainland; a bridge that could connect me to two ways of living (island life and urban sprawl).

What would help me to traverse the mountains in my life?

Do you see bridges or barriers in your life?
(Photo: Tidelands Park and San Diego-Coronado Bay Bridge)

Throughout the rest of the day I reflected on the barriers and bridges that I accept or construct.  Is it possible that I:

• Create the boundaries in my beliefs and attitudes?
• Build fences that separate where I feel comfortable or afraid?
• Limit the information that I take in about you and others?

That evening I was dazzled by the reflected light of downtown San Diego:  the water barrier earlier in the day became the instrument transporting the light to me!  Once we are aware of the barriers in our lives, we are invited to transform those into bridges of understanding.

What reflections touch you?
(Photo:  San Diego skyline)

After uploading this reflected skyline photo on Facebook many people liked/loved it!  We are able to learn from one another when we share our barriers to and bridges of understanding.

The important lesson I have learned is to share the image -- the bars, water, mountains, boats and bridges -- and let go.  Allow each person to choose which image speaks to them.  We can learn by observing what is liked and loved.

Moving from Thanksgiving to Gift Giving, may we learn to bridge the barriers that separate us!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Celebrating Life's Lessons

By now, I am sure that many of us have participated in a virtual meeting or an online gathering.  Zoom, What's App, MS Teams, FreeConferenceCall and FaceTime became household names when the pandemic began almost two years ago:  people needed ways to physically distance and yet stay connected.  Remote work and online learning suddenly became the norm as we were inserted into  "Brady Bunch" grids on our computer monitors.

I wonder, though:

• Was life any different than before the pandemic?
• Weren't we already skilled at boxing people in and keeping others at a distance?

 

How do you stay connected?
(Photo credit:  Brady Bunch, Wikipedia)

I was reflecting on these questions after participating in a friend's 80th birthday celebration this past week.  His wife had arranged a Zoom session where we could gather to share stories, participate in a trivia contest about Jim's life, and offer well wishes to our friend, loved one, and colleague.

Jim served at my church when I was in school.  Over the years he would guide me as a mentor and spiritual director.  We have stayed in touch through Christmas cards, emails, and virtual reunions.  Isn't it amazing when we have people in our lives who watch out, listen to, and challenge us?

What have you learned from others?
(Photo credit:  What Happens When Young
and Old Connect, Greater Good Magazine)

Celebration of Life, for me, has occurred when I begin to recognize the different boxes I have created... for self-protection; safe-keeping of treasures; or to define and limit myself and others.  A box is still a box whether I store memories or create expectations.

What I have learned from Jim and others is the importance of: (1) recognizing the human tendency to understand life by defining and labeling; and (2) letting go of these restrictions we place on life.

In other words, celebrating life is the act of being in the present and accepting the person who is before us:  the person I am right now and the gift I encounter in you.

When do you celebrate life's lessons?
(Photo credit:  Young Helping the Elderly)

As we walk together, it is the reciprocal actions of giving and receiving, guiding and learning, offering and accepting that allows us to acknowledge the gifts of Self and Other.  Knowing that I don't have to be perfect releases me from one boxed-image of myself.  Understanding that I don't have all the answers opens another box.  Hearing, appreciating, and accepting truths you have learned frees me from a binary framework of Right-Wrong, Yes-No, and Truth-Untruth.

Jim described us as Pilgrim People: journeying together -- sometimes leading, sometimes following, and sometimes carrying one another.  Whether physically distanced and remotely connected or being in the same room, the invitation is to reach out, open the boxes that surround us, and celebrate the gifts we discover.

What do you celebrate today?  What lessons have you learned and are willing to share?

Happy 80th Birthday, Jim!  And Happy 6th Anniversary of this blog!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Missing Pieces, Missing Memories

COVID projects!  I am sure you've had your share of them this past year: cleaning out closets, garages, and storage units; unending "Spring Cleaning"; reorganizing and simplifying.  Going through picture albums and deciding which photos to scan in and which ones to discard is one of my ongoing projects.  It's amazing how many people or trips I no longer remember details... names, how we met, why that travel shot was so important at the time.

I have access to or kept cards and photos that were unique and have shaped who I am.

What has shaped you?

The interesting thing about cleaning out and simplifying are the Emotions of Remembrance: who we were; what influenced us; how we lived... in another time and place.  What shall I let go?  What shall I carry on?

It seems that as I remember, I also notice how much I don't remember.  There are missing pieces in my Life Story:

• Was I too young to know the significance of what was being said?
• Did I not have a context to understand?
• Why didn't I ask questions?

Missing pieces.  Missing memories.

What is missing in your life?

As I stumble through my dialogue practice, I am reminded over and over again how critical it is to develop and nurture Curiosity, the desire to learn and know about anything.  The skill of being inquisitive.

 

My grandparents and parents have passed from this life.  The stories that made them unique can no longer be told in their own voices -- what they experienced and understood to be true.  Fortunately, I still have brothers and sisters.  I am sure each has their own memories of Grandpa, Grandma, Mom, and Dad... from their own perspectives.  I must remember that each of their experiences is individual, rare, and true.

When is it time to listen?
(Photo Credit:  The Simple Guide to Caring
for Elderly People, Huffpost)

I am thankful for memories as I decide what to digitize, what to remember, and what to let go.  I now realize how important it is to pay attention to those around me.  Can I ask -- and pay attention -- to the stories that have shaped other people's Ways of Being in this world?

 

Maybe one lesson for our divided world is how we might want to come together -- with a desire to listen, ask questions, and hope to understand what missing pieces another person holds.  Only when we share these lessons can we put together who we were, who we are, and who we want to become.

As we feel the loss of missing memories, may we reach out to others and practice ways to become curious.  May we seek to hear and remember.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)