Our Dilemma

I looked up the definition of Dilemma this week:  "A situation requiring a choice between equally undesirable alternatives."  That makes sense, but then I wondered about our current situation:

• Where the country is equally divided;
• Each side excludes the other in discussions and decisions; and
• We don't listen to or engage in other perspectives.

America finds itself at a crossroads... and possibly, a dilemma... but how do we view the equally undesirable alternatives?

Are you being heard?
(Photo: "No Kings" Rally, San Diego - Larry Gardepie)

I experienced this Crossroads in two different ways this past week:

• I attended San Diego's "No Kings" March (attended by over 60,000 people).
• I posted a politician's speech on my Facebook page.

(I posted the speech not because I agreed with all of it, but the person presented an interesting perspective of what is happening nationally.)

What values do you believe in?
(Photo: Liberty and Justice for All - Larry Gardepie)

Why are these representative of the crossroads we are facing?

• For the march:  it was peaceful; people wanted to belong; opinions mattered.
• For the online post:  some responses were attacks; discussion shut down.

One online comment even recited the Pledge of Allegiance, emphasizing that the United States is a Republic (not a Democracy) and is "One Nation Under God" (Christian).  

Reviewing our almost 250-year history, it can be said that:

• We are a "Republic" AND we are a "Representative Democracy."
• We have freedom to express our religious views.
• "One Nation Under God" in the Pledge and "In God We Trust" on our money weren't officially adopted until the Eisenhower years (1954 and 1956). 

Can we include everyone?
(Photo:  Aerial View of No Kings March, San Diego - Larry Gardepie)

As our country changes and evolves, maybe we need to define Our Dilemma.  It seems that:

• We no longer relate to one another;
• We have lost the elasticity to consider more than two options; and,
• We focus on EITHER-OR thinking rather than BOTH-AND.

If this is true, then we might consider the following questions this week:

• Am I willing to engage in peaceful dialogue?
• Can I seek to understand other perspectives?
• How do I move beyond a "choice between equally undesirable alternatives" to choices of Possibility, Potential, and Opportunity?

These questions are BOTH individual... AND... collective.  Will I (and we) choose to reflect on and share our responses?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

 

Bridges or Walls?

Every day is a reminder... of how fragile life is... of hope and resiliency... of the need for love and kindness.  Also, every day can be a reminder that we have a choice... to do good... to do no harm... to help and support others.

Pope Francis' life and people's reflections on his death are a testament to his choices... and those that he encouraged from all of us.

He often used the image of bridges and walls.  In his words of October 31, 2024:

"Communication should aim to build bridges where many build walls; to foster community where many deepen divisions; to engage with the tragedies of our time, where so many prefer indifference."

What walls encircle you?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Waterson)

Bridges or walls?  Community or division? Engage or ignore?

These are a some of the choices we encounter every day in our responses... to someone in need of assistance... to a person seeking asylum... to a world struggling to breathe.

Unless a bridge is old, no longer useful, or needs to be replaced, you very rarely hear of a bridge being torn down.  It serves its purpose year after year.  Bridges connect.

Has your communication created bridges or walls?
(Photo credit: Vatican News)

Walls, on the other hand, are built to protect, separate, or divide... whether for our homes (protecting family or animals), between countries (defining boundaries), or dividing cities (East and West Berlin).

There may come a time where walls also need to be torn down:

• In the words of President Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"
• When boundaries change or expand.
• After we become isolated or helpless.
  

Where can you replace a wall with a bridge?
(Photo credit:  Internet download)

As we watch or participate in the public mourning of Pope Francis, let us:

• Become aware of the walls and bridges between family and friends;
  
• Welcome the opportunity to tear down walls that separate or divide; and,
• Choose to build bridges that connect.

Our choice this week?  To do good... to do no harm... to help and support others.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

GPQ* (Growth Potential Quotient)

I once worked for a supervisor who believed that -- at a certain age -- people no longer change.  Being in Human Resources at the time, I thought this a strange conclusion!  I was younger and still idealistic, so I challenged her by pointing to the many ways that employees were adapting to changes the institution was making.  Our conversation ended in a stalemate when she listed many instances where people were resisting these very same changes.

Over time I have wondered if there are answers... Do people stop changing?... When do we stop changing?

Do you recall what life was like when you were younger?
(Photo: Salmonberry, Ketchikan, Alaska - Larry Gardepie)

The only hints I have noticed come in the form of Choice:

• Change can be forced upon us... so we have a choice in how we respond.
• Change can stimulate us... we have a choice in how much change to seek out.
• Change is always present... choice allows us to accept its inevitability.

In these, and so many instances, choice seems to be the constant.

Where do you blossom?
(Photo:  Wild Blue Flax, Juneau's Salmon Creek
- Larry Gardepie)

Besides choice, there are other Life Ingredients that nurture us and encourage us to grow.  (Think of family, faith, and fun.)  When taken out of certain environments, we may not do as well.  Again, there is a choice of noticing who and what encourages us to blossom and flourish... and then seek out these people and places that support and inspire potential.

It may even mean being challenged by situations we don't like!  Remember... we have a choice in how we respond!

When do you feel at peace?
(Photo: Alaskan Lupine and Kenai Peninsula
Mountain Range - Larry Gardepie)

This week I have been in touch with four friends who are in different stages of health issues challenging their concepts of life, mortality, death... and change.  Their Life Reviews have centered on personal growth, potential, and loss.  Each struggle eventually has been visited by Peace:  not a decision to stop change, but a choice and a surrender to accept Life on its terms... not theirs.

I wonder what my GPQ is or will be?  Can I respond in a healthy way to the changes that are already occurring?  Will I reach a peaceful resolution that change happens to all of us... all the time?

 

Keep changing!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

Choice Points

Remember back in high school math and science classes when we were learning about formulas, memorizing and exploring theories, and conducting cause-and-effect experiments?  What I recall is the sense of discovery and exploration: what is true and known versus what might be and needs to be tested.

I was soon bored by the predictable, structured experiments because we already knew the results as we poured one chemical into another.  But, the What Ifs intrigued me!

Do you know the outcomes of the decisions you are making?
(Photo credit:  Chain Reaction Definition
in Chemistry and Physics, ThoughtCo)

That is, what would happen if we did it differently?  Yes, we could predict the outcome based on the knowledge we already possessed... but "What If" beyond the structure encouraged us to test and learn about the Unknown!

This memory came to mind when a friend told me about a workshop she attended with business school academics and economists.  The guest lecturer was presenting another way of looking at business when asked, "Are you saying business models we have been teaching are incorrect?"  The presenter responded with a "Yes" and then explained that the original business assumptions were based on self-interest and competition and not on human shared social aspects of collaboration and trust.

How much time do you take to make a choice?
(Photo credit: The Two Ways Tradition, Cheryl Mason)

I wonder:

• What assumptions have I made about other peoples and cultures?
• Do these assumptions create misunderstandings in how I see their customs, experiences, and ways of living?
• Am I willing to pause, test my assumptions, and be willing to experiment with new ideas?

We encounter many choices every day -- Choice Points -- in whether we react predictably to what we see and hear or whether we pause-test-respond in a new and "pro-social" Way of Being.

Do you believe that you have a choice?
(Photo credit:  Your Choice Makes a Difference,
Susan Gunn Solutions)

When encountering another person or making decisions about our relationship to our world, the choice is ours!  It's a matter of moving from our Cause-Effect rote-action and making choices that will move beyond self-interest to collaboration and trust.

 

This takes reflection and dialogue -- the ability to look inward at our needs and wants as we face outward to the needs and wants of others.

 

What choices will I -- we -- make this week?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Undying Roles

Tributes.  Condolences.  Memories.  Undying respect, admiration and love.  These were the words and sentiments that swirled around us as we learned of the death of our elementary school principal.  She was one of those positive forces in the world who encouraged, challenged, and inspired us to become better people.  Her role as teacher and principal transitioned as we graduated and set out on further education, made career choices, raised families, and became global citizens.  She became our mentor and friend -- always present and ready to listen... until she wasn't.

I have been thinking about roles and responsibilities this week:

• What we take on;
• How we inspire and encourage; and,
• The impact we have on others.

Who is at the center of your life?
(Photo: Flower Arrangement - Larry Gardepie)

Life presents challenges.  Sister Barbara demonstrated how to accept, smile, and look for the positive.  Even this last year when she was battling health issues, she planned for the future -- an alumni reunion in September.

 

Choice was a word used often with her:  we can choose how to respond to the back-ups in life; we can take the road less traveled; we can set out and explore new ways of being present.

Which is a better choice for you?
(Photo:  Traffic Jam in Victoria,
British Columbia - Larry Gardepie)

Though busy and working into her late 80s, she had time to sit and listen.  What a gift:  to have someone listen to you, ask questions, and help clarify the choices!  Perspectives changed as we shared what was happening or on our minds:  what was burdensome and tiresome was transformed; life became reinvigorated; energy was found to climb to the mountaintop -- we wanted to see beyond what was happening now.

 

Having a mentor-friend and being a mentor-friend to others are two different roles:  both are important; both respect the infinite loop of giving-and-taking.  We become the ones wanting to listen and ask questions.
. 

Do you have time to sit and listen?
(Photo: Park Bench near Empress Hotel,
British Columbia - Larry Gardepie)

Dialogue asks that we understand our impact on a situation:  how our role as parent or sibling, lover or friend, supervisor or co-worker, spiritual advisor or mentor affects what is said or perceived.  Dialogue also invites us to sit on that park bench... with Beauty Surrounding... waiting for someone to sit with us... listening, asking questions, and influencing one another with time and Sacred Presence!

Do you have time to sit and listen?  As Sister Barbara would say, "You have a choice!"

Thank you to all of the Mothers and Sisters who have nurtured, inspired, and challenged us.  Your roles are important!  Happy Mother's Day (next Sunday)!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

Webs We Weave

Walking along Ketchikan's historic Creek Street, I was paying attention to the many bright colors of the houses and shops around the creek as well as the salmon swimming upstream in their final journey of life.  I was reflecting on this sunny and warm day -- how nice it was to be outside following the torrential downpour the day before in Sitka; how different life is from day to day and moment to moment!

In many ways it's what catches our attention that seems so important:  the sun and warmth; the rain and cold wind; the joy and consolation of family and friends; the frustration and uncertainty when we don't know what to do.

What catches your attention?
(Photo: Creek Street, Ketchikan, Alaska,
Larry Gardepie)

At several points along this reflective walk, I would turn a corner and almost walk into a spider web situated in our path -- gigantic and beautiful constructions with the spiders still busy in their weaving.  My thoughts shifted back home to the health of our hedge, our neighbor's backyard construction project with its noise and disruptions, and work and goals unfinished.  I am so busy weaving meaning and stories that I don't always see the larger scene before me:  Life is Good!

When do you feel trapped or entrapped?
(Photo:  spider web, Creek Street, Larry Gardepie)

I wonder how often I:

• Feel trapped by a situation?
• Assume ill intentions of the other person?
• Entrap myself and others in the webs of exclusion, intolerance, and disinformation?

It seems that sometimes I am so ready to ensnare the other person that I cannot escape my own webs that I weave!

Which web catches you?
(Photo: one of the many webs in the trees along
Creek Street, Larry Gardepie)

I walked around the Creek Street spider webs, letting the industrious spiders continue their day's work with the knowledge that I was free to stay and watch or move on and let go.  At the end of this famous boardwalk street, I noticed the too-early autumn foliage of a tree.  As I approached, I took out my camera to capture the sunshine, tree and leaves as a memory of this beautiful day.  Refocusing the camera, I discovered the tree was full of webs!

 

We have so many ways to weave our intentions or journey around what entangles us.  The choice is ours:  what meanings we attach... if we want to refocus... and how we want to see our world and one another.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Life is Good

Whether at home, work, or leisure, we seek out what is routine and normal: those Patterns of Familiarity which bring comfort and a sense of security.  Just think of what soothes you throughout the day:  your typical wake up time; the morning beverage and food that starts the day; steps taken to ensure Loved Ones are prepared for their day; the route to work or what is completed before work begins… so many comfortable or normal patterns that define our days.

I wonder if that is why so many people felt uprooted or unnerved these past few years as our “normal” days were changed… we were afloat… life’s ordinariness beyond our control.

Where is your focus?
(Photo: Hawaiian Sunset, Larry Gardepie)

As these pandemic-affected years have given way to a different normal, I have found the need to break free from my day-to-day life, a desire to vacate the routines — “vacation from” these norms.  My solace is being on the ocean, a routine familiar before COVID… but also changed.  Each day is recognizable, but there are Moments Inspired — beyond my control — that distract me from the norms and usual rhythms of a day at sea.

Sometimes a breakthrough occurs as I encounter a new situation, cross paths with a companion traveler, or catch site of a beautiful sunrise or sunset.  The day seems different because of these unexpected encounters:  life is changed!

What rays of hope do you see on the horizon?
(Photo: Sunset over Pacific Ocean, Larry Gardepie)

 As I grow older, I find that I need both the familiar and the unexpected… the normal and the extraordinary… and I have limited control over what happens next!  Life is Good when I handle what I can, and then go along for the ride when the unexpected happens.

Seeking balance sometimes means letting go of my perceptions of how life should be — how I want it to be — and realize that others are experiencing much different realities than mine.

Can you see the goodness in yourself and others?
(Photo:  Sunset over Sea of Cortez, Larry Gardepie)

 
For instance, the war between Russia and Ukraine has unbalanced many of our lives.  Am I willing to let go of my frustration and anger over higher prices and realize that others are suffering much greater losses than I am?  Can I listen to a larger global message and realize that wars between nations and difficulties between individuals have similar roots?  Can I see goodness in others even when our norms are not aligned?

May we focus on the unexpected.  May we accept when future horizons cannot be controlled.  May we find a Willingness Within to see goodness in others.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Our Choice to See Beauty

Over the past several months I have had the opportunity to slow down:  retirement does that, I guess!  This new pace has allowed me time to review and reflect on what I may have missed while working:

• What I did not see as I hurried past someone
• Ideas I might not have heard or understood
• Solutions in a situation not considered

This period of reflection has given me time to re-notice the beauty around me:  the sunrises and sunsets; the changes in weather and the seasons; and the diversity of possibilities before us.

One realization:  each day begins with a Choice -- the choice to slow down and pay attention.

What do you see at the beginning of each day?
(Photo: sunrise over San Diego harbor, Larry Gardepie)

 Even in the darkest of moments we have a choice:

• Do we react instinctively to what we see, hear, or experience?
• Are we willing to slow down, search for options, and respond out of the depth of who we are, what we value, and what is the best for everyone?

The darkest moments become brighter when I look with intention:  the ability to see the beauty and worth of each person encountered and inviting them into the solution-finding.

Do you see possibilities in the darkest moments?
(Photo: luminous clouds before a storm, Larry Gardepie)

Intention -- purpose or attitude -- opens our minds and hearts in how we see others: through the lenses of history and routine, skepticism and fear, doubt, and uncertainty... or... can we intentionally set aside these distractions and anticipate a new encounter, invite a new dialogue, and expect to be awed by the richness and beauty of another person?

Can you recount the beauty of this day?
(Photo: sunset at sea, Larry Gardepie)

Whether a daily or weekly review, during major changes in our lives, or throughout the seasons of our life, reflection invites us to be honest with ourselves.  What is equally important is the opportunity to share these thoughts with others: where I think I have changed; the changes I have noticed in you; and the choices we make to remain in relationship.

May you choose to see beauty this week!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)