Fleeting Moments

Have you experienced moments of pure joy or happiness... when everything seems beautiful and Just Right?  You want to stop time, stay in that moment, and savor the joy, happiness, and beauty.

One of my friend's repeated phrases is "Life is Good!"  That phrase crossed my mind as I climbed aboard the Mexican Navy's training vessel, Cuauhtemoc ("one who has descended like and eagle").  San Diego was the first stop for the crew of 261 officers and cadets as it began its round-the-world ambassadorial journey of friendship and outreach.

When do you reach out in friendship?
(Photo: ARM Cuauhtemoc, Mexican Navy
training vessel visiting San Diego - Larry Gardepie)

When we arrived at the Embarcadero, long lines of San Diegans were waiting to tour this tall ship.  Officers and crew were located throughout the ship welcoming us and answering our questions in English and Spanish.  You could sense the pride and excitement -- both from sailors and tourists -- about this beautiful boat.

Time stood still on this warm and sunny day -- imagining centuries of sailing similar vessels across the waters... exploring, trading, and encountering new peoples.  I felt connected across time and cultures!

What moments have surprised you -- where you stopped and marveled?
(Photo: Deer at Asilomar, Pacific Grove, CA - Larry Gardepie)

I began to reflect on this technology-driven world -- so different from this sailing vessel:  though we can be connected in a fraction of a minute with news, posts, and texts, in many ways we are no longer really Connected -- united or linked -- with Nature, with one another, or with what is important about Life.  Ideologies separate us, and we are distracted by our smart devices, sound bites, and overburdened schedules and responsibilities.

It takes these "Life is Good" moments to remind us of our shared humanity, our fragile mortality, and our real connections -- relationships of beauty, friendship, and welcoming.

Can you see the fragile nature of this moment in time?
(Photo: Soap Bubbles Dancing in the Sun - Larry Gardepie)

These fleeting moments remind me of our Sacred Worth and Value -- something we have in common!  These moments also can remind us of the importance of hope:  we can welcome; we can cross barriers and cultures; we can become ambassadors of friendship through outreach and caring.

This week, let us hope for and savor moments of fleeting joy, happiness, and beauty... and let's share these experiences with others.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

All Hallows Within

Autumn is a time of change: moving from a season of growth and activity to a season of harvest and slowing down.  In many places, you can feel and see the change... in the crispness of the air, the colors of nature, fall sports, and the clothes people wear.  

Change... a time for reflection.

What have you harvested this season?
(Photo: Autumn Scene, Old Town San Diego
- Larry Gardepie)

In ancient Celtic times, people would dress up in costumes and dance around bonfires to ward off ghosts and evil spirits.  As the Christian faith spread, these pagan rituals were adapted into holy days of remembrance -- remembering those who have gone before us, the Saints and Souls of our Holy Ones. 

It was a reminder of "all hallows": seeing and celebrating goodness; a reminder that all people have Sacred Worth and Value.

How do you celebrate your goodness?
(Photo: Halloween Decorations, Encinitas, California - Larry Gardepie)

But I have to admit, it is sometimes difficult to see the goodness in others!  Our news, movies, TV programs, and stories are built around those ghosts and evil spirits that also inhabit us -- the Good-and-Evil, Win-or-Lose struggle that we encounter every day.  It's as if we have to point to someone else for creating the mess we find ourselves experiencing:  "The Other" who hurt us and continues to cause us pain.

I wonder:  could we use this seasonal transition to reflect on the Sacred-that-We-Encounter -- even in those people who may have wronged us?

Can you build an Altar of Hope?
(Photo: Día de los Muertos altar, Old Town San Diego - Larry Gardepie)

One way of celebrating All Hallows is through Día de los Muertos altars.  Watching people build their family's altar, I have noticed the reverence and respect accorded deceased members.  Yes, death is present, but the focus is on the goodness of the ancestors who gave life and hope to current family members.  It's a celebration of life and the sacrifices made for one another.

Who would you honor in your altar?  What stories of goodness would you share?  How would you experience the Sacred in your midst?

I wonder:  is it time to build an Altar of Hope?

All Hallows to you!
  

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Feeling Boxed In?

Have you ever felt trapped -- or "boxed in"?  Recently, I read an article and watched a video about the difference between cats and dogs when it comes to boxes.  Cats are attracted to boxes: the confined space provides a sense of safety, security, and warmth.  For dogs, as social animals, the box separates or isolates them from their "pack."

I wondered about these differences and times when I have felt trapped by:

• Social constraints or stereotypes;
• Past mistakes or missteps;
• Friends and neighbors not respecting social boundaries; and,
• Deadlines or projects that restrict my freedom.

 

Do you find comfort by how you are defined?
(Photo: credit:  5 Reasons Why Cats Love
Cardboard Boxes, YuMove)

Each situation is unique: under some conditions, we may feel safe and derive comfort -- people know us because of our history and relationships; other circumstances may make us feel isolated or alone -- people misunderstand and confine us to unproven or outdated conclusions. We sit and stare in disbelief as as are left behind.

How do you define yourself?
(Photo credit:  Take the Great Box Challenge and
Strengthen Your Bond with Your Dog, American Kennel Club)

I came across another video, Don't Put People in Boxes (click on the link to watch).  Though this video is Christian-based -- which could be a box for some people or isolate others -- the message warns us about the effects of boxing people in:  that is, when we limit our relationships, we are defined by Us and Them; we become separated and defensive; we protect our way of being at the exclusion of others.

By changing the questions -- or trying to find better questions, we begin to see ourselves through the lens of We with:

• The same or similar experiences.
• The ability to encourage and support.
• The realization that each person has Sacred Worth and Value.

 

When have you felt separated from others?
(Photo credit:  Don't Put People in Boxes, NewHope Church)

Therefore, the challenge for us when we feel boxed in, separated or isolated is to change the questions that we ask ourselves and others:

• What experiences do I (We) have in common?
  
• How can I (We) encourage and support?
• Do I (We) see the other person as Sacred?

 

Please let me know if (when) I box you in.  Let's get to know one another -- as we are:  Sacred and Valued!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Step By Step

Traversing the Panama Canal by water is an all-day event.  First, the ship must have a reservation (date and time) to enter the canal zone.  Second, as you approach the southern locks on the Pacific side or the northern locks on the Atlantic/Caribbean side, the captain and crew are directed by pilots and canal workers to the correct locks.  Third, tugboats (for the new locks) or "mules" (locomotives for the older locks) secure and guide the ship through the three chambers that raise you a total of 85 feet to the level of Gatun Lake (going into the canal) or lower you 85 feet (leaving the canal).  The lake -- created over 100 years ago and renewed each year with torrential rainfall -- powers the canal system and allows passage over the Continental Divide.

It's a day of Steps Choreographed for safe passage, and as a tourist on a cruise ship, I am in awe at human ingenuity that envisioned a way to slice off almost 8,000 miles on a sailing from New York City to San Francisco.

Who has mentored or guided you?
(Photo: moving into 1st chamber of Agua Clara locks,
Panama Canal - Larry Gardepie)

Between 40-45 vessels a day use this 50-mile canal to get products to various parts of the world... that's 14,600 to 16,425 a year!  In fact, the Panama Canal is the most traveled canal in the world... and a wonder of this modern world!

Why am I using the Canal in a dialogue-focused blog?  I had a lot of time to think while walking around the ship: noticing how the ship and land crews communicated; observing the tugboat guide the ship and hold us in place as tons of water rushed into or out of the chambers; and moving to different vantage points to witness this event.

How do you address unequal dynamics?
(Photo: water in the 1st and 2nd chambers equalizing,
Agua Clara locks, Panama Canal - Larry Gardepie)

In many ways, practicing dialogue is similar:

• Step-by-step moving into new or familiar relationships;
• Noticing what is important as people guide us with their words and actions;
• Observing when we feel safe -- or not safe -- as we negotiate equal -- or unequal -- power dynamics; and,
• Moving physically or evolving mentally to see different points of view.

Also, we cannot expect a closer or more intimate relationship until the doors are opened and we are invited in.

Do you wait for opportunities to open up?
(Photo: moving into 2nd chamber of Agua Clara locks,
Panama Canal - Larry Gardepie)

I would suggest that dialogue is awe-inspiring as well: that is, when we approach another person with respect, take a Long Loving Look at the Real, and acknowledge that person's Sacred Worth and Value, we are ready to remove months of misunderstanding and mistrust.  And, we are ready to listen when we approach one another with willingness and humility to be guided into safe places for communication and acceptance.
 

What steps will you take this week to understand a loved one?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Who Stole What?

Holiday music and Christmas specials are filling the airwaves, jostling for our attention as we navigate this post-COVID "new normal" world that we live in.  San Diego's Old Globe Theatre is presenting two favorites, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Ebeneezer Scrooge's BIG San Diego Christmas Show" -- favorites that draw in children and adults alike.

Memories of Christmas Past bubble up at this time of year:  family and friends, darkness and cold weather, festive lights and inner warmth remind us of what we have... and may no longer have.

What do the holidays mean to you?
(Photo credit:  How the Grinch Stole
Christmas, Dr. Seuss)

The Grinch and Scrooge teach us of the transformation that can happen when we listen and consider:

• Why we remember important moments in our lives;
• The role family, friends and community have in shaping our beliefs; and,
  
• How we want to live and respect other traditions and peoples.

These stories suggest that even the meanest and most cold-hearted can change.

 

Where are we chained to in the Past?
(Photo credit:  Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol)

But even in the midst of this holiday cheer, there may be feelings or struggles that challenge us:  the frenetic energy and busyness of getting everything done; comparing What Was with What Is and wanting more; or missing people who are no longer physically present.  Sometimes an emptiness pierces our well-being, reminding us... that we are human!

Is there a way to pierce the darkness
with Light and Goodness?
(Photo credit:  Rare Cosmic Event
Beamed Light to Earth..., CNN.com)

 What I have been learning at this holy time of year:

• Be Kind... to Self and Others.
• Listen and Consider... that we are all doing our best.
• I -- and We -- have Sacred Worth and Value.

Happy Holidays (Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, Ōmisoka/New Years) as we celebrate Light, Birth, First Fruits, Gifting, and the Sacred in our world!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Do I Really Hear You?

After last week's reflections on whether I actually see -- and respect -- others, I began wondering about what I hear:

• Do I hear only what I want to hear? -- or --
  
• Am I truly open to hearing -- and listening -- to other points of view?

Yes, I admit, there are times when the volume of arguments is so loud and deafening that I close down, walk out of the room, and protect myself.  Also, there are times when I just don't want to listen.  Or I convince myself that I don't have the time or energy to engage an opposing insight.

I wonder what percentage of time I actually listen to and try to understand others?

What causes you to close down?
(Photo credit:  17 Reasons People
Aren't Listening to You, Inc.com)

Studies show that humans have a remarkable capacity to filter out and focus on specific sounds and stimuli.  We also can justify and rationalize any kind of response and behavior.  The diversity of thoughts and opinions almost seems infinite as we think or feel through very complex situations.  If we have the capacity to filter out or close down, I assume that we also can focus in and open up!

What happens, though, when we treat our thoughts, opinions, and conclusions as fact?  When we don't want to explore the facts of a situation?

Are there distractions that keep you from hearing?
(Photo credit:  Where Music and Empathy
Converge in the Brain, Mind & Body)

 A few definitions to consider before continuing:

 

Opinions:

• Beliefs or judgments that rest on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
• Personal views, attitudes, or appraisals. 

Facts:

• Something that actually exists; reality; truth.
• Something known to exist or to have happened.
  
  

How can we open ourselves to listen with intention?
(Photo credit:  Chinese Listening Practice -
Why and How to Get Started, FluentU)

Dialogue requires us to differentiate between opinions being shared and facts or truths that exist.  Being able to listen -- and ask -- about the certainty of concepts or thoughts we express allows us to come to a shared understanding:

• Ah... this is your opinion.
• Oh... that is a fact.
• I wonder... what do we (together) know for certain versus what you or I (individuals) believe?

Seeing and hearing invites us into Sacred Respect.  We may not agree, but...

• Are we willing to stay in relationship?
• Can we consider another viewpoint?
• Is it possible that other opinions or conclusions have validity?

 

Maybe respect is the key to unlocking how we live together: seeing and hearing the Sacred Worth and Value of each person.

 

What do you think?

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Unwanted...

Relief!  It's been more than a month since the presidential elections... and no more political ads!  We're back to normal... almost!... with television ads now trying to sell us cars and trucks, insurance, carpets and flooring, deodorants, cosmetics, prescription drugs, and so many other products that promise us happiness and contentment.

In either case -- political or commercial ads -- the volume tends to go up and there is an endless  repeating of words.

What I realized midway through this election cycle is that I have the Power to Mute what I don't want to see or hear!

What do you not want to hear?
(Photo credit:  Digital and TV Advertising Campaigns
Work Hand in Hand, PandoLogic Workforce)

Two things I noticed or wondered as I pressed the mute button:

• How much of the time was allocated towards ads and how little there was of the program I wanted to watch; and
  
• How often I mute others in my life: people or ideas that I don't want to see or hear.

The silence was deafening: both with the television sound off... and... not being in relationship with those I disagree with.

What is sacred to you?

 
As I considered these, I remembered a dialogue concept taught to us early on: the importance of seeing Sacred Worth and Value in each person.  In essence:

• Can we see our own sacredness and value?
• Can we recognize others and their Sacred Worth and Value?

It seems that  if we can ask the four questions that Don Juan asked Don Octavio, we might begin to see the need -- and maybe, wantedness -- of Love.

How will you seek what you want?

Though we may be experiencing relief from political ads, I wonder if we are content with filling their absence with commercials that numb us to what we really need?  Or maybe -- through introspection, reflection and awareness -- the Silence Noticed will allow us to choose what we actually want -- and need -- for our relationships:

• Dialoguing and listening;
• Being heard and seen;
• Searching for Sacredness and Worth...

 
And accepting that Only Love will answer the questions of happiness.

 

May this season of Gift Giving allow us to distinguish what we really want and need.  May Presents Shared in the Presence of Loved Ones and Friends open us to the gift of Sacred Worth and Value.

 

Blessings to you, my Sacred Friends and Colleagues!   Your presence is valued!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)