Do I Really Hear You?

After last week's reflections on whether I actually see -- and respect -- others, I began wondering about what I hear:

• Do I hear only what I want to hear? -- or --
  
• Am I truly open to hearing -- and listening -- to other points of view?

Yes, I admit, there are times when the volume of arguments is so loud and deafening that I close down, walk out of the room, and protect myself.  Also, there are times when I just don't want to listen.  Or I convince myself that I don't have the time or energy to engage an opposing insight.

I wonder what percentage of time I actually listen to and try to understand others?

What causes you to close down?
(Photo credit:  17 Reasons People
Aren't Listening to You, Inc.com)

Studies show that humans have a remarkable capacity to filter out and focus on specific sounds and stimuli.  We also can justify and rationalize any kind of response and behavior.  The diversity of thoughts and opinions almost seems infinite as we think or feel through very complex situations.  If we have the capacity to filter out or close down, I assume that we also can focus in and open up!

What happens, though, when we treat our thoughts, opinions, and conclusions as fact?  When we don't want to explore the facts of a situation?

Are there distractions that keep you from hearing?
(Photo credit:  Where Music and Empathy
Converge in the Brain, Mind & Body)

 A few definitions to consider before continuing:

 

Opinions:

• Beliefs or judgments that rest on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
• Personal views, attitudes, or appraisals. 

Facts:

• Something that actually exists; reality; truth.
• Something known to exist or to have happened.
  
  

How can we open ourselves to listen with intention?
(Photo credit:  Chinese Listening Practice -
Why and How to Get Started, FluentU)

Dialogue requires us to differentiate between opinions being shared and facts or truths that exist.  Being able to listen -- and ask -- about the certainty of concepts or thoughts we express allows us to come to a shared understanding:

• Ah... this is your opinion.
• Oh... that is a fact.
• I wonder... what do we (together) know for certain versus what you or I (individuals) believe?

Seeing and hearing invites us into Sacred Respect.  We may not agree, but...

• Are we willing to stay in relationship?
• Can we consider another viewpoint?
• Is it possible that other opinions or conclusions have validity?

 

Maybe respect is the key to unlocking how we live together: seeing and hearing the Sacred Worth and Value of each person.

 

What do you think?

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)