Assumptions, Conclusions, and Late Nights

How easy it is to make assumptions... and assume they are right!  Oftentimes in the middle of the night, my mind will be unraveling the events of the day, trying to make sense of what was said, how I could have responded, and ways to rectify a situation.

Last night was no exception!  Anything electrical around the house is relegated to "The Professionals."  Since our contractor/handyman moved out of the area, we haven't had anyone to help with these tasks.

How do you respond when things fall apart?
(Photo credit:  Domino Breaches, CyberHoot)

Using Home Depot's ProReferral website, I was able to submit a request and have local professionals respond.  Talking to one of the electrical companies, we agreed on the project scope, price, and when it could be done.  We received and okayed the estimate.  Outstanding tasks: we needed to send pictures of the items we purchased and the company would call with a time when they would be onsite.

The next day I received a phone call from the electrician who would be completing the project: we finalized the cost; I texted the pictures; and he confirmed the time he would be at our house.

When do you veer off course?
(Photo: Grand Canyon Railroad, Arizona,
Larry Gardepie)

Follow me so far?  That night I replayed what had happened during the day, and wondered if Tom (the electrician who called) was from the company who agreed to do the work.  Or, was I still receiving referrals from the website?

On the call I assumed he was from the contracted company, but I never asked.  Being new to the ProReferral website, I didn't know how to stop any further referrals -- I assumed that once I had agreed to do business with one of the companies, the "match" would indicate to others that the request was closed.

The late night replay raised questions in my mind about my assumptions and conclusions.

How do you get back on course?
(Photo: Bright Angel Trailhead, Grand Canyon,
Larry Gardepie)

Through a series of texts and phone calls I found out that I had booked two different electricians!  My assumptions and conclusions were reasonable -- the company was waiting for my photos of the purchased items; we were waiting for a scheduling window; Tom's phone call occurred at the exact time that these two outstanding tasks should have been happening.

What was missing:  asking questions; checking out my assumptions; confirming what was known.

All is well -- we now have one electrician scheduled to complete the electrical work but I am tired today because of the late night unraveling of my unspoken thoughts!  I am learning that if I want to sleep peacefully at night, I must check out assumptions and question my conclusions... preferably as they are happening!

Do your assumptions or conclusions lead you in directions you did not anticipate?

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Questions Divided: Individual or Together?

Standing on the balcony of our stateroom, I watched the pilot boat inch closer and closer to our ship ready to offload the person who would guide us into port.  How interesting, I thought, as I caught the reflection of the pilot boat in the balcony's glass siding.  Knowing where I stood and the direction we were going, I knew which boat was real and which was the reflection.

But, I wondered, is life as simple?

• How do we know what is real or based in facts and what is a reflection of our thoughts, opinions, or projections?
• Are we willing to have a pilot -- a friend, a mentor, a spiritual director -- guide us into a port of broader understanding?

How do you determine what is true?
(Photo: Pilot Boat Reflection, Larry Gardepie)

The idea of reality and opinion -- fact and reflection -- continued over the next few days of our journey.  Entering an elevator one day, I noticed that two of us were standing on the daily floor mat:  today was Thursday, the mat stated.  I wondered if we could agree on this fact?

One day the floor mats had been changed out of all elevators... except one: that elevator had been off-line the previous day and the floor mat had not been changed -- it was the previous day's mat.  I wondered if people entering that one elevator would catch what happened... or would they carry that incorrect day with them, trying to convince others?

When can you stand on common ground?
(Photo: Elevator Floor Mat, Larry Gardepie)

How can we reach common ground in our knowledge, the information we receive, and our understanding of what we have learned?  It seems that questions like this can either divide us further or bring us together.

For me, the emphasis is on the relationship:

• Do we want to stay in relationship with the other person?
• Are we interested in or curious about the knowledge and facts they have gathered along their life's journey?
• Can we ask questions that suspend our need to be right or prove the other person wrong?

Are you able to see the beauty in the moment?
(Photo:  Fiery Sunset at Sea, Larry Gardepie)

What I love about being on the ocean is the interplay between water and air, ocean and sky.  On clear days, cobalt ocean waters reflect the deep blue of the sky; on cloudy days, the waters are dark, grey and sometimes turbulent when it is windy.  What is awe-inspiring is the moment when the dark, cloudy days suddenly burst open with clouds on fire reflecting the relationship of sun, water and light.

 

Staying in relationship and working towards that moment of understanding is what dialogue is about.  Our discussions may not be as fiery as a sunset, but the ability to step back and notice what is happening is what is important.

This week, may we:

• Distinguish between fact and reflection;
• Question what we don't know or haven't experienced; and,
• Seek guidance when we don't understand.
  

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

The Wonder of Knowing

Listening to this week's Impeachment Trial I am struck by how little of the story I know fully, am willing to hear, and want to believe.  Watching the replays of the January 6th U.S. Capitol riot were painful, reliving those moments of reality and shock:  This is America today?  This is US?

In a way it was a relief to have the wound open, to actually see how deep our divisions are.  But what next?

I wonder:

• Is there a desire to heal?
• Are we willing to talk through what happened?
• Can we sit and notice the pain and unbelief, directions that are not yet clear?

Are there times when your thoughts are cloudy?

 
Like many of the Senators, though, our minds seem made up.  We leave the room.  We doodle.  We check our texts.  We see through our individual or group-identified filters, assumptions, and conclusions about The Other, not willing to consider another story.

 

I wonder:

• Am I willing to sit in my discomfort and listen?
• Are the transgressions so vast that I cannot take one step closer to you?
  
• Can I choose to look through other windows when mine become dirty or cloudy?

What filters keep you from seeing clearly?

It is true:  each of us must rely on the moral compass or value system that guides us.  But the challenge, I believe, is whether that compass or system excludes other meanings and conclusions.  There may be boundaries we deice not to cross... but does that mean we cannot try to understand what happened?

 

I wonder: 

• Has there been a time in my life when I was ALWAYS right?
• When have I ALWAYS known what to do?
  
• Do I ALWAYS see clearly the decisions I make... and their impact on you? 

 

When can you be your Authentic Self?
(Photo credit:  Twins are Becoming Less Common
in U.S., for Good Reasons, MedicineNet)

 
As we sit and notice the discomfort or shock in various parts of our lives, maybe the invitation is to WONDER:  to ask questions of ourselves and others; to listen and apply what we understand to the moral compass and value system; and to consider whether ALWAYS is the best way of knowing the truth.

 

Maybe the Wonder of Knowing is in the discovery of who we really are:

• People who want the best for self and others.
• People who cause pain to self and others.
• People who need forgiveness and healing.

 
May we seek to know and be known as we truly are!  May we wonder!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)