Answers to Questions

I have been hooked by the BBC series, Call the Midwife.  It is in its 13th season and is based on Nurse Jenny Worth's real-life stories of working as a midwife in the East London slums of the 1950s.  Vanessa Redgrave is the voice of the older Jenny as she recounts the lessons learned from the brave women surviving childbirth in the horrid conditions of this post-war era. 

One statement stood out at the beginning of a recent episode: "We are the answers to each other's questions."

What questions do you have about our current social
and political conditions?
(Photo credit:  DepositPhotos.com)

We are faced with hundreds of questions every day:

• What do I want for breakfast?
• Who will pick up the kids after school? 
• Can I trust what I read or hear?
• Who do I believe in this situation?
• How will I pay this month's bills?

Some questions have easy answers; others are more complicated.  Some situations are familiar enough where we can choose similar results; other situations have never been encountered and take more thought.

Are you curious about learning new answers?
(Photo credit:  WavebreakmediaMicro)

What I find interesting as I look back at my life is the fact that questions and answers were a part of our early learning:  teachers would ask questions and we would raise our hands to be the first to answer.  We were told that there were no stupid questions... and, if we had a good teacher, we were not embarrassed if we answered incorrectly.

 

It seemed that my younger years were filled with curiosity and exploration.  I wanted to learn.  Somewhere along the way, our Classroom of Life has discouraged some questions... and even some answers!  (And, as we all have learned, there are some topics we are told not to discuss!)

Can questions and answers be given with love and caring?
(Photo credit:  Oculo)

What I have noticed in my dialogue consulting is the importance of questions.  I cannot understand the other person without asking questions.  If I assume I know the answer, I often misunderstand the person's situation.

I have learned -- and continue to learn! -- that I must:

• Ask permission to ask a question.
• Approach every situation with kindness and curiosity.
• Refrain from judging based on my lenses and biases.
  

After all, we may be the answer to another person's question... as long as we understand the question!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

Yet To Unfold

As I listened to my teachers and professors of elementary school, high school, university and graduate school, I felt like a sponge... absorbing information... enjoying the moments of learning and the wonder of new insights.  Later, as a trainer and consultant, I would get excited when ideas and discoveries were shared and awareness was expanded.

I am amazed at connections that occur internally and externally when Light Bulb Moments unite us and drive us to new discoveries.

Each day can surprise us with discovery!

What have you learned today?
(Photo credit:  The Simple Genius of the Blackboard, Slate)

What I have begun to realize, though, is the importance of Unfolding:  the shrinking of one's Awareness Unknown; the openness to Knowledge Shared; and the willingness to Learn Anew. 

As a child, I would Learn for the Answer, being able to answer a question on a quiz or a test.  The focus was on the collection of information in order to respond correctly.

As time went on and I entered adulthood, I began to understand the difference between Knowledge and Wisdom, being able to hear a question... PAUSE... and consider various approaches to a situation.

It's that ability to accept Unfolding Mystery... there may be More!

How often do you reach out to others?
(Photo: Mermaids Swimming through San Pedro,
San Pedro, California - Larry Gardepie

Practicing Dialogue -- even imperfectly most of the time! -- I am beginning to see another difference:

There is much more than answering correctly as in the earlier:

• Question -- Answer construct of childhood;

And the later discoveries of:

• Question -- [Pause] -- Answers understanding of Knowledge and Wisdom.

Now, I am trying to understand a dialogical structure of:

• Question -- [Pause] -- Exploration.

The emphasis is no longer on An Answer or The Right Answer or Knowledge and Wisdom.  The process is Exploration and Discovery, the lifetime journey of Searching and Encountering.

When have you been a lifeline of understanding?
(Photo:  American Merchant Marines Veteran Memorial,
San Pedro, California - Larry Gardepie)

As a child, I assimilated a lot of information, but I didn't pay attention to the internal processes of filtering and categorizing that information.  When I began to pause in my learning process, I began to realize how some filters were separating me from people and I was labeling others according to my value system.  The Pause allowed me time to consider that Truth could hold many answers.

 

Practicing dialogue -- listening, asking, and trying to understand -- opens a new reality:  We Are In This Life Together.  If this reality is true, then answering a question correctly may not be as important as the Question itself -- that willingness to ask a question and wonder about the question.

 

May we reach out this week in a Spirit of Exploration -- seeking understanding and truth; linking us to the Human Lifeline.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Assumptions, Conclusions, and Late Nights

How easy it is to make assumptions... and assume they are right!  Oftentimes in the middle of the night, my mind will be unraveling the events of the day, trying to make sense of what was said, how I could have responded, and ways to rectify a situation.

Last night was no exception!  Anything electrical around the house is relegated to "The Professionals."  Since our contractor/handyman moved out of the area, we haven't had anyone to help with these tasks.

How do you respond when things fall apart?
(Photo credit:  Domino Breaches, CyberHoot)

Using Home Depot's ProReferral website, I was able to submit a request and have local professionals respond.  Talking to one of the electrical companies, we agreed on the project scope, price, and when it could be done.  We received and okayed the estimate.  Outstanding tasks: we needed to send pictures of the items we purchased and the company would call with a time when they would be onsite.

The next day I received a phone call from the electrician who would be completing the project: we finalized the cost; I texted the pictures; and he confirmed the time he would be at our house.

When do you veer off course?
(Photo: Grand Canyon Railroad, Arizona,
Larry Gardepie)

Follow me so far?  That night I replayed what had happened during the day, and wondered if Tom (the electrician who called) was from the company who agreed to do the work.  Or, was I still receiving referrals from the website?

On the call I assumed he was from the contracted company, but I never asked.  Being new to the ProReferral website, I didn't know how to stop any further referrals -- I assumed that once I had agreed to do business with one of the companies, the "match" would indicate to others that the request was closed.

The late night replay raised questions in my mind about my assumptions and conclusions.

How do you get back on course?
(Photo: Bright Angel Trailhead, Grand Canyon,
Larry Gardepie)

Through a series of texts and phone calls I found out that I had booked two different electricians!  My assumptions and conclusions were reasonable -- the company was waiting for my photos of the purchased items; we were waiting for a scheduling window; Tom's phone call occurred at the exact time that these two outstanding tasks should have been happening.

What was missing:  asking questions; checking out my assumptions; confirming what was known.

All is well -- we now have one electrician scheduled to complete the electrical work but I am tired today because of the late night unraveling of my unspoken thoughts!  I am learning that if I want to sleep peacefully at night, I must check out assumptions and question my conclusions... preferably as they are happening!

Do your assumptions or conclusions lead you in directions you did not anticipate?

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

What is the Question?

Have you ever counted the number of questions you ask each day?  I started... one day... then noticed I got bored and moved on.  I kept waiting for a question to arise, but became distracted with work, projects, and searching the web.  Maybe that individual mining of information on the internet is where my inquisitiveness is directed these days.

But, do you remember:

• The spontaneous inquisitiveness of a 3 year old?
• The adage, "There's no such thing as a stupid question"?
•  The game, "20 Questions"?
  

It seems that curiosity and questions were social activities:  discovering the world by asking one another what we thought or were thinking and feeling.

How many questions do you ask a day?
(Photo credit:  Asking Questions is Really Hard,
Huffpost - The Blog)

There are moments in life when we are left with questions... that are meant to be asked.... that may not have answers.  I wonder why we don't ask them?  Are we afraid of the answers?  The interaction?  The unknowing?

I read in a dialogue book recently that 40% of questions are actually statements in disguise and another 40% are judgments in disguise.  That leaves about 20% of our questions that truly spring from curiosity... where we are seeking to understand... that allow new information to be shared.

Are you curious about what others think?
(Photo credit: The Value of Listening,
Harvard Graduate School of Education)

Rather than counting how many questions I ask each day, maybe my focus should be on what generated the question:  sharing my view (a statement); projecting conclusions (judging); or exploration (curiosity).  It seems that the gift of discovery is what prompts a 3-year old's mind... that invites questions of the unknown... and allows us to engage together in a game of Question-Asking.

Just think of the societal transformation if we could relegate our statements and judgments into Advocacy (this is what I believe) and reserve the purity of our questions to genuine Inquiry (What do you think?... I really want to know about... Will you help me?).

Do your questions allow new ideas to
emerge from old thoughts?
(Photo: US Naval Military Sealift, San Diego)

By dismantling older ways of thinking and being, we might be able to experience the emergence of new information and knowledge.

Yes, the focus is on the types of questions we ask, but more importantly, I believe, is the relationship that spawns from these questions.  Are we willing to seek answers together rather than individual searches of the internet that lock us into our isolation?

Let us consider:

• What is the question?
• Am I curious about new information?
• Can I invite you into a relationship of discovery?

What do you think?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

The Wonder of Knowing

Listening to this week's Impeachment Trial I am struck by how little of the story I know fully, am willing to hear, and want to believe.  Watching the replays of the January 6th U.S. Capitol riot were painful, reliving those moments of reality and shock:  This is America today?  This is US?

In a way it was a relief to have the wound open, to actually see how deep our divisions are.  But what next?

I wonder:

• Is there a desire to heal?
• Are we willing to talk through what happened?
• Can we sit and notice the pain and unbelief, directions that are not yet clear?

Are there times when your thoughts are cloudy?

 
Like many of the Senators, though, our minds seem made up.  We leave the room.  We doodle.  We check our texts.  We see through our individual or group-identified filters, assumptions, and conclusions about The Other, not willing to consider another story.

 

I wonder:

• Am I willing to sit in my discomfort and listen?
• Are the transgressions so vast that I cannot take one step closer to you?
  
• Can I choose to look through other windows when mine become dirty or cloudy?

What filters keep you from seeing clearly?

It is true:  each of us must rely on the moral compass or value system that guides us.  But the challenge, I believe, is whether that compass or system excludes other meanings and conclusions.  There may be boundaries we deice not to cross... but does that mean we cannot try to understand what happened?

 

I wonder: 

• Has there been a time in my life when I was ALWAYS right?
• When have I ALWAYS known what to do?
  
• Do I ALWAYS see clearly the decisions I make... and their impact on you? 

 

When can you be your Authentic Self?
(Photo credit:  Twins are Becoming Less Common
in U.S., for Good Reasons, MedicineNet)

 
As we sit and notice the discomfort or shock in various parts of our lives, maybe the invitation is to WONDER:  to ask questions of ourselves and others; to listen and apply what we understand to the moral compass and value system; and to consider whether ALWAYS is the best way of knowing the truth.

 

Maybe the Wonder of Knowing is in the discovery of who we really are:

• People who want the best for self and others.
• People who cause pain to self and others.
• People who need forgiveness and healing.

 
May we seek to know and be known as we truly are!  May we wonder!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)