Rebuilding Who We Are

How far back do you know about your family tree?  Do you recall stories told by your parents and grandparents... and great grandparents?

When my parents moved our family from Iowa to California, the nearest relatives to our town were in the San Francisco Bay Area and Arizona.  We did what we could to stay in touch: expensive long-distance phone calls on birthdays and major holidays; periodic vacations to Iowa; and a weekend trip to visit our closest aunts and uncles.

As a child, the calls seemed too short and the trips were too long!

Who are you connected with?
(Photo: Family Tree - Larry Gardepie)

Though Family Connection was important, our church, school, and neighborhood communities were just as important!  Knowing that people could rely on you -- and that you could rely on them -- were social building blocks that provided stability and safety.

Recently, people down the street moved, the house was sold, and the new owners began removing the roof, walls, and landscaping.  Over time new foundations have been laid and the rebuilding process has begun.  We don't know their final plans.  Rather, we must wait and see what is revealed.

What social supports have you built?
(Photo: Renovation Project - Larry Gardepie)

Life provides many opportunities for us to get to know others, form friendships, and create a Chosen Family.  And, there are times when people leave us -- growing up, moving away, and passing on.  We must be ready to say good-bye and slowly rebuild.

For me, it's the waiting that is difficult:  waiting my turn among six children to talk to Grandma and Grandpa; asking "Are we there yet?" on the 3-day road trips to Iowa; holding back judgment when anticipating the neighbor's plans.

How do others see you?
(Photo: House in Coronado, California - Larry Gardepie

I want the connections to be fast, perfect, and permanent... and if I am honest, unchanging!  But, that may not be real!

This week, as I walk by the House-Being-Rebuilt, I will ponder how to practice patience in my connections... allowing friendships and foundations to settle... before I consider Who We Are and Who We Are Becoming. 

Please join me on this rebuilding project!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Curiously Exploring

Have you ever wondered how your childhood has influenced your adulthood?  I grew up in the era of TV programs like "Gilligan's Island," "Brady Bunch," and "Star Trek" (the original series).  Then came the "The Carol Burnett Show," "The Mary Tyler More Show," "The Love Boat," and "All in the Family."  See any changes in how life presented itself to a young TV viewer?

Whether you grew up in this same period or before or after, certain images, quotes, and theme songs probably draw you back to your earlier self.

Let's get lost in a few of these memories!

Do you remember when you were curious about life?
(Photo credit: Curious About Curiosity?
Professor Studies How Children Learn, UVAToday)

For instance:

• What did "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" mean?  (Everything centers around Marcia!)
• What was the Skipper's affectionate name for Gilligan?  ("Little Buddy")
• Do you recall the name of Mary Tyler More's theme song?  ("Love is All Around")

Just think of how these messages affected many of us: we didn't need to be the center of attention, and love and friendship were important even when there are disagreements.

How do you envision your universe?
(Photo credit: Carina Nebula, NASA's Webb Space Telescope)

 
Star Trek taught us to explore, seek out, and boldly go where no one had gone before.  And, it introduced us to Vulcan's IDIC philosophy ("Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations") and "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" -- or as Captain Kirk would reply, "Or the one."

 

These messages merged with our innate sense of curiosity:  we wanted to explore, accept, and put others first.

Are you willing to explore the depths of yourself and others?
(Photo credit: Ocean Exploration - Technology, National Geographic)

Why am I reliving childhood memories and messages?  I was working with members of a leadership team this past week.  As I listened to their struggles and challenges, I noticed that I was curious about how organizational structure and norms had overridden messages common to many of our childhoods:  sharing, caring, and listening.

 

 For this week, maybe we could return to the images, quotes, and theme songs that spoke to us as children... of friendship, love, and attention... and explore curiously where no one has gone before?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Blindness: A Human Condition

Have you ever sat with your doctor or optometrist and taken a color blindness test?  For me, the first time was at our family doctor's office when I was a child.  I was asked to identify the numbers hidden in several colored circles.

Being a person who likes challenges and wanted to pass the test, I hurried through each card.  The doctor didn't give any feedback, and I began to wonder and second guess myself:

• Did I miss something?
• Could I have misunderstood or made a mistake?
• Maybe I hurried through and didn't pay attention?
  

What's wrong with me?  Is the doctor trying to trick me?

What do you see (or not see)?
(Photo credit: Color Vision Deficiency
- American Optometric Association)

Color blindness does run through my family, but I eventually found out that I saw colors within the normal spectrum.  This childhood experience, though, fascinated me:

• The need for feedback and approval;
• The self-doubt and questioning;
• The desire to be normal and accepted; and,
  
• The quickness in blaming or suspecting someone else.
  

How many of us can identify?

Do we notice our own blindness?
(Photo credit: Color Blindness - Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments
- Prasad Netralaya)

What I have noticed over the years:  there are many different types of blindness that we may struggle with -- color blindness; congenital blindness; night vision; macular degeneration; central vision loss...

 

And, if we are honest with ourselves, there are several forms of cultural, ethical and spiritual blindnesses that limit how we see and experience this beautiful world.

Are we willing to notice and accept our limitations?
(Photo credit:  Cultural Blindness - Definitions, Examples,
Pros, Cons - HelpfulProfessor.com)

Blindness is an inability to see; an unwillingness to perceive or understand; and, sometimes, it is a lack of judgment or ignorance.  Blindness is a human condition that we all experience in some form.

 

This is where we need one another: for feedback and affirmation; correction and treatment; support and carrying... and to slow down blaming the other person for our own limitations.

 

What blindness or limitation will you notice and explore this week?

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Untapped Re's

This past weekend I was back "home" -- the town where my siblings and I were raised after my parents, my older brother, and I moved from Iowa to California.  A group of us met for two days to sort through, document, digitize and store poster boards, photos, and albums from our elementary school years.  We ended up with five 27-gallon storage bins of items... and accompanying memories!

Several stories were shared as we reminisced about our childhood years and growing up in our close-knit neighborhoods.  Life seemed simpler as beautiful remembrances floated around the "gym" (our former parish hall and the original church building).

What memories are beautiful in your mind?
(Photo:  Purple Carpet along Ocean View Blvd.,
Pacific Grove, CA - Larry Gardepie)

This act of Reminiscing and Remembering caused other Re's to float to the surface:

• Re-connecting with childhood friends.
  
• Re-examining life's choices and decisions.
  
• Reconciling past hurts and misunderstandings.
  

I wondered how often these Re's have gone untapped in my life... that is, until I slow down and Re-capture what is important.

What bridges can you build in difficult situations?
(Photo:  Ocean and Shoreline Meet at Pacific Grove - Larry Gardepie)

One dialogue-related "Re" is the Re-do, the ability to pause a conversation when it goes sideways, talk about what each person is thinking and feeling, and explore what words may have triggered uneasiness in the relationship.  Then, the Re-skill begins:  testing out other word choices which respect the intent of the original conversation and allows each person to listen and understand anew.

This practice of Redo -- doing over -- helps us to tap into a desire to Stay in Relationship, even when difficult conversations need to occur.

Is there a way to move above a situation and see it more clearly?
(Photo: Aerial View of San Diego and Coronado Bridge - Larry Gardepie)

Are there other Re-words that can:

• Improve clarity and understanding?
• Build bridges instead of walls?
• Remind us of our common humanity?
  

What do you think?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

The Power of the Missing

Have you ever labored over a 1,000-piece puzzle over a series of days only to find out at the very end that one piece is missing?!  You search the box, the table, the floor.  You retrace your steps.  You question everyone who has been near the puzzle, and you even suspect the practical joker in your family.  No one is allowed to sweep or vacuum the floor for days.

I know this is beginning to sound like a New Testament parable, but I am not going there!

Do you focus on the missing or the whole?
(Photo:  almost completed Kincade Puzzle - Larry Gardepie)

A mixture of emotions passes through you as you eventually reconcile the incompleteness of your creation.  You look at the puzzle... and focus only on the loss... the missing piece!

I wonder how often we spend on Incompleteness and Missing... What Isn't rather than What Is.  Do we even notice the magnificence of the rest of the puzzle?

This may sound like the Cup-Half-Empty or the Cup-Half-Full, but I am not going there either!

What happens when we don't see everything... or everyone?
(Photo:  Tulips outside Empress Hotel,
Victoria, B.C. - Larry Gardepie)

Sadly, it seems that we sometimes need to miss something in order to treasure it:  like a family member who is no longer present or has moved away; a relationship that ended; or a question that hasn't been asked.  Sometimes the missing or incompleteness helps us to refocus on what is important.

Does this sound like Reconciliation and Forgiveness?  Maybe... but I am not going there either... entirely!

Who would you like sitting next to you?
(Photo:  Tulips and Empty Bench, Victoria, B.C. - Larry Gardepie)

Life's Journey invites us to Notice:  Creation, relationships, accomplishments... and our limitations.  As humans, none of us are perfect!  We are incomplete.  Our understanding is just one piece of a much larger puzzle.

Therefore, it is important that we reconcile that we cannot do everything. And we must search for the missing and understand when we are half... not whole.  In other words, we need one another... and everyone must be included.

The real puzzle is:  How?  Maybe we start with:

• Who do you miss?
• Who would you like sitting next to you?
• What questions would you ask?
• What do you want to learn?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)