A Maze of Dead Ends

Do you enjoy puzzles and word games?  I do!  The process of thinking through a number of possible solutions and narrowing down to one answer is stimulating.  So many possibilities... but why can ONLY ONE be Right?!

There are so many ways to to be challenged these days:  online games and jigsaw puzzle apps; books of word searches, crosswords, Sudoku, and acrostic brainteasers; TV shows that pit contestants against one another... and the list goes on, especially when we look at our day-to-day lives!

Do you see a world of possibilities?
(Photo credit:  Chirag Upreti - NASA)

Once, when traveling in southeast England, a friend and I attempted to walk through a life-size hedge maze.  The problem?  We almost missed our train because we couldn't find the maze's exit!  Dead ends prevented us from finding the Right Way out!  Yelling over the hedge walls didn't help... fellow mazers were just as lost as we were!

Reflecting on other dead ends in my life, I haven't been as frantic.  Similar to working out a solution in a puzzle or word game, I notice the obstacle or dead end, step back, retrace my steps, and consider another way out of the situation.  (It helps not to be rushed for time!)

How do dead ends help you?
(Photo credit:  Couple Creates 7-foot-high Maze in Their
Backyard with Only One Way Out - New York Post)

It sometimes helps to be able to "phone a friend," "ask the audience" or have some of the options removed.  In fact, like mazes and puzzles, dead ends and multiple answers sometimes slow us down and invite us to consider another way to move forward.

Is this what we do with our assumptions and conclusions about other people?  When they exhibit behavior we weren't expecting or when our conclusions don't match the outcome, do we step back and reconsider what we were thinking?

What life signs keep you safe?
(Photo credit:  California DMV Road Side Test Video)

The gift of puzzles and games is when we are a-mazed at the end result:

• What we learned about ourselves;
• How the dead ends helped us; and,
  
• Were we willing to ask for help?

I hope that you enjoy the challenges of this next week... treating each dead end as a way to step back, seek help, and learn.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Answers to Questions

I have been hooked by the BBC series, Call the Midwife.  It is in its 13th season and is based on Nurse Jenny Worth's real-life stories of working as a midwife in the East London slums of the 1950s.  Vanessa Redgrave is the voice of the older Jenny as she recounts the lessons learned from the brave women surviving childbirth in the horrid conditions of this post-war era. 

One statement stood out at the beginning of a recent episode: "We are the answers to each other's questions."

What questions do you have about our current social
and political conditions?
(Photo credit:  DepositPhotos.com)

We are faced with hundreds of questions every day:

• What do I want for breakfast?
• Who will pick up the kids after school? 
• Can I trust what I read or hear?
• Who do I believe in this situation?
• How will I pay this month's bills?

Some questions have easy answers; others are more complicated.  Some situations are familiar enough where we can choose similar results; other situations have never been encountered and take more thought.

Are you curious about learning new answers?
(Photo credit:  WavebreakmediaMicro)

What I find interesting as I look back at my life is the fact that questions and answers were a part of our early learning:  teachers would ask questions and we would raise our hands to be the first to answer.  We were told that there were no stupid questions... and, if we had a good teacher, we were not embarrassed if we answered incorrectly.

 

It seemed that my younger years were filled with curiosity and exploration.  I wanted to learn.  Somewhere along the way, our Classroom of Life has discouraged some questions... and even some answers!  (And, as we all have learned, there are some topics we are told not to discuss!)

Can questions and answers be given with love and caring?
(Photo credit:  Oculo)

What I have noticed in my dialogue consulting is the importance of questions.  I cannot understand the other person without asking questions.  If I assume I know the answer, I often misunderstand the person's situation.

I have learned -- and continue to learn! -- that I must:

• Ask permission to ask a question.
• Approach every situation with kindness and curiosity.
• Refrain from judging based on my lenses and biases.
  

After all, we may be the answer to another person's question... as long as we understand the question!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

Yet To Unfold

As I listened to my teachers and professors of elementary school, high school, university and graduate school, I felt like a sponge... absorbing information... enjoying the moments of learning and the wonder of new insights.  Later, as a trainer and consultant, I would get excited when ideas and discoveries were shared and awareness was expanded.

I am amazed at connections that occur internally and externally when Light Bulb Moments unite us and drive us to new discoveries.

Each day can surprise us with discovery!

What have you learned today?
(Photo credit:  The Simple Genius of the Blackboard, Slate)

What I have begun to realize, though, is the importance of Unfolding:  the shrinking of one's Awareness Unknown; the openness to Knowledge Shared; and the willingness to Learn Anew. 

As a child, I would Learn for the Answer, being able to answer a question on a quiz or a test.  The focus was on the collection of information in order to respond correctly.

As time went on and I entered adulthood, I began to understand the difference between Knowledge and Wisdom, being able to hear a question... PAUSE... and consider various approaches to a situation.

It's that ability to accept Unfolding Mystery... there may be More!

How often do you reach out to others?
(Photo: Mermaids Swimming through San Pedro,
San Pedro, California - Larry Gardepie

Practicing Dialogue -- even imperfectly most of the time! -- I am beginning to see another difference:

There is much more than answering correctly as in the earlier:

• Question -- Answer construct of childhood;

And the later discoveries of:

• Question -- [Pause] -- Answers understanding of Knowledge and Wisdom.

Now, I am trying to understand a dialogical structure of:

• Question -- [Pause] -- Exploration.

The emphasis is no longer on An Answer or The Right Answer or Knowledge and Wisdom.  The process is Exploration and Discovery, the lifetime journey of Searching and Encountering.

When have you been a lifeline of understanding?
(Photo:  American Merchant Marines Veteran Memorial,
San Pedro, California - Larry Gardepie)

As a child, I assimilated a lot of information, but I didn't pay attention to the internal processes of filtering and categorizing that information.  When I began to pause in my learning process, I began to realize how some filters were separating me from people and I was labeling others according to my value system.  The Pause allowed me time to consider that Truth could hold many answers.

 

Practicing dialogue -- listening, asking, and trying to understand -- opens a new reality:  We Are In This Life Together.  If this reality is true, then answering a question correctly may not be as important as the Question itself -- that willingness to ask a question and wonder about the question.

 

May we reach out this week in a Spirit of Exploration -- seeking understanding and truth; linking us to the Human Lifeline.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)