Fragile Bubble Ideas Bursting

Cartoonists will use a bubble with words to display the characters' thoughts.  In our western culture, we have been taught to read left-to-right and top-to-bottom, so we read the frames of the comics and the thought-bubbles in that order.

Knowing the Rules helps us understand the sequence of ideas that is conveyed by the artist.  But that doesn't always work in the Real World!  Everything isn't always in sequence and orderly.

Try to read a comic strip from right to left or beginning in the middle:  you won't understand the comic's intent!

To many people who don't know us or our mind-set ("rules"), our thoughts may seem like soap bubbles that are created and float away.

How fragile are your thoughts?
(Photo:  Bubble Man, Sydney, Australia - Larry Gardepie)

Like a wave crashing on the shoreline, thoughts make their mark and then recede, leaving afterthoughts that soon fade away... or not, depending on the force of impact and duration!

Ideas, thoughts, and assumptions are similar.  They are fragile and momentary... until they solidify into conclusions and ideologies forced onto others: misunderstandings and misconceptions that burst forth and mark that other person.

Are there ideologies crashing against your values?
(Photo: Crashing Surf, Kona, Hawaii - Larry Gardepie)

Like it or not, we are living in a world of competing -- or warring? -- sides, each trying to destroy the other's way of thinking.  The issue I find with this approach?  Dialogue to understand another perspective is missing.  We are living in a Take No Prisoners approach!

To be successful in dialogue, we must honor and respect our values and what is important AND, at the same time, respect and honor the other person and their thoughts and ideas.

Are we being called to live with purple bubbles?
(Photo: Glass Spheres, ms Zaandam - Larry Gardepie)

I am struggling:  it seems like we have limited the coloring of our Fragile-Bubble-Making understanding of life with only Reds or Blues.  I am left wondering if we are missing the point of life:

• Transforming ourselves into something better;
• Balancing our views away from extreme positions;
• Seeking a way to move from Either-Or thinking to Both-And.

Is it possible to create rules that expand our understanding -- the convergence and mixing of all ideas -- while honoring and respecting both.

What would happen if our fragile thoughts and ideas were marked with a new Way of Being:  Respect, Honor, Kindness, and Acceptance.

Your thoughts?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Darkness to Light

Have you ever been with family or friends, sharing stories or information, hearing a retelling of a familiar experience... and learning something new?  I hope the answer is "Yes!" for all of us!

I had that happen this past week:  I was out to dinner with three friends when one person revisited a difficult situation we all knew about.  Rather than cut off the narration, we listened, asked questions, and filled in what we knew.

What do you see in your darkest moments?
(Photo: Moonlight at Sea - Larry Gardepie)

Afterwards, I reflected on the Retelling:  I learned how...

• Listening and asking questions allowed depth to emerge. 
• Various aspects of the event took on newer significance in the retelling.
  
• Stories and meanings evolve as we get further from the event.

I also realized that I sometimes quicken a friend's retelling by jumping ahead and filling in the gaps!

Do the first lights of understanding change your perspective?
(Photo:  Morning Clouds - Larry Gardepie)

What was different about this evening was our ability to relax and amble along as the story emerged.  It felt like darkness was giving way to light... missing pieces of the puzzle were being put together gently by many helping hands.

 

By retelling the shared experience, we could revisit Unintended Hurts inflicted without conscious knowledge of doing so.  I asked forgiveness for words I had said months earlier when I didn't know this fuller story.

Is there a way to clear away confusion?
(Photo: Morning Clouds - Larry Gardepie)

Maybe Retelling offers us a way to practice a new set of R's: 

• Realization:  an openness to hear new information.
  
• Responsibility:  an acceptance of roles we may have played.
  
• Reconciliation:  an alternative to holding onto grievances.

As we listen to ourselves and others retelling familiar tales this week, let's take new paths through these stories.  There may be a reason why we are hooked on this story:  there may be a lesson or two more to learn!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Seeing Anew

So much happens in our world that we don't see!  That's what I was thinking as I was walking along the shoreline the other day.  Unless we are present and have seen or experienced something, we have to rely on family, friends, work colleagues or some form of media to inform us.

Questions then surface:

• Which sources do we believe or trust?
  
• How do we know what is true or accurate?
  
• Do we need to experience it for ourselves?

 

When have you slowed down and stretched your understanding?
(Photo:  Yoga on the Beach - Larry Gardepie)

Experience, trust, and inquiry are important ingredients to enlighten our narrow views.  Sometimes we go in circles, repeating the same results... that is, until we open ourselves to new information.

 

It is this openness -- receptivity, interest, acceptance -- that creates Possibilities Unimagined.

What risks must you take to understand others?
(Photo:  Luau Fire Dance - Larry Gardepie)

Yes, openness... and risk!  Are we willing to let go of:

• What we thought was happening;
• The conclusions we arrived at;
• The opinions we made?

And, can we See Anew... that is, gain a broader perspective of our ever-changing world?

Do we see the changes before us?
(Photo:  Pacific Beach, San Diego - Larry Gardepie)

An image that I like to contemplate:

 

Wave after wave crashes on the people-infested beach, adding to and changing the beach as we know it today.  We stand and frolic in the water, refreshed by the breeze and ocean spray.  The heat of the day is cooled.  Our tiredness is refreshed.

 

I wonder if I truly understand the changes that are happening... to me, in the moment of being refreshed.... to the shoreline, as the waves slowly reshape what I know... to the sandcastle creations, that melt away with each wave.

Is that the Wisdom of Change:  accepting that change is happening each moment and seeing anew the refreshed landscape of life?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Trying To Be

I have always admired people who see what is happening: not the ones who can tell me the details of what is visually obvious but the people who seem to understand what is going on below the surface.  How do they do that:  Seeing to Understand?

I wonder if it is similar to people trying to differentiate between Doing and Being?  I tend to stay busy, focusing on deadlines, producing, wanting to improve a situation.  I guess it crowds out the time I could be present to What is Happening Now!

Who are you trying to be?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo Credit:  Pearls Before Swine,
Stephan Pastis, December 2, 2022)

With the holiday busyness drawing to a close, I also wonder if have a missed the Spirit of the Season?  The Giving and Receiving of Christmas allows us to pay attention to another person's needs and wishes, but how often do we truly understand what is happening below the surface:

• Why is that gift important to the person?
• Does the giving symbolize my love and caring?
• Am I trying to fill a space that no gift can accomplish?

It seems that sometimes the recognition of our Aloneness is what is important.

When do you feel isolated or alone?
(Photo:  Mazatlan Beach - Larry Gardepie)

There are times that just sitting with a friend is all that is needed.  Or listening... asking questions... not talking to hear my own voice but being present to another person's anxiety, worries, or pain.  I don't need to rush in and save.

 

 Sitting and being present may be the oasis that allows the giving and receiving to go deeper, allowing underlying thoughts and feelings to surface.  Now the real work of understanding occurs:  trying to be... present... authentic... accepting and understanding... human.

What does it mean to be present?
(Photo:  Puerto Vallarta Beach
- Larry Gardepie)

Another thought:  have you noticed that media outlets tend to use the week between Christmas and New Year's as a review of what has happened during the past year:  key stories; triumphs and tragedies; awards received?  Now might be the time for our own self-reflection:

• Do I lean more toward Doing or Being?
• Am I more comfortable with Giving or Receiving?
• Do I Understand What I See or See to Understand?

 

I guess the ultimate questions are:  What do you want from this New Year?  How will you be present more fully?  Are you willing to change?

 

May the next few days allow peaceful moments with Loved Ones where you can share what you are noticing, ask questions to understand, and listen to what is happening below the surface.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Accepting What Is

This week has been about Acceptance... of information received; of what others have experienced or are experiencing; of what I cannot control... and Choice.  That is, accepting what is and making a choice on how best to respond.

Earlier in the week I had a conversation with a family member.  We talked about how we were raised, our family memories, and who we are now as adults.  We are no longer those younger siblings who grew up in the same house together.  We have changed.  (I want to believe we have matured!)

A few days later a childhood friend notified me that he has been diagnosed with advanced prostrate cancer.  I sat with his texts, recalled our childhood antics, and asked how I might be a friend.  His responses were uplifting as he shared his love for family, his faith in God, and his trust in the medical professionals.  He seemed at peace with the challenges before him.

How might I accept what is happening to a family member or a friend?

How do you approach stormy days?
(Photo credit:  Charles Schultz)

And today, another friend texted about losing his "dream job" unexpectedly and with no reason given.  For several days he has been trying to understand why it happened and did he do something wrong.  As we texted, I sensed a struggle between trying to understand and acceptance, questions that cannot be asked and answers not given, despair and relief.  Were these his struggles or mine?  Maybe with the holidays coming up, this was a Gift to be with his young family as he took care of himself and them?

How might I listen and be present when Mystery Remains Unknown?

Can you see beyond what is happening?
(Photo:  Morning Fog over San Diego Bay
- Larry Gardepie

It seems that Life Happens... in very unexpected ways... and then we have a Choice in how we will respond.  It's not fun being moved off-course of plans and aspirations we desire, but maybe the lesson is more about letting go, accepting, and being tender with ourselves as we consider... What comes next?...  How do we survive?...  Will we be okay?

Towards the end of our text conversation, my friend said that each of his last few jobs have been better than the one before.  And, he concluded, maybe the next one will be even better!

How might I listen for Hope and Surprises?

What choices can you make?
(Photo:  Carnival Panorama - Larry Gardepie)

Listening, asking questions, being present, and trying to understand opens us to the possibility of What Is... Next.

Maybe it is time this week for us to accept what is, know that we have the power to choose, and Expect to be Surprised!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

That's Not Me

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized yourself?  What do you say?  For example:  I feel young inside but there is now an "older man" looking back at me!  I think, "Is that really me?"

These past few years I have seen my Dad and my brother in the mirror -- facial expressions, mannerisms, smiles, a twinkle in the eye... all reflections of me and others.  But, is that really me?

What is hidden behind what you see?
(Photo:  "Do Not Go Beyond Guardrail" sign,
Kauai, Hawaii - Larry Gardepie)

I might accept that I am getting older and acknowledge a family resemblance, but recently I had a different experience with the mirror:  my dermatologist had me apply a cream that burned the pre-cancerous cells on my face and scalp.  The first few days were like a bad sunburn:  the face peering back from the mirror was still me but was red and sensitive to the touch.

A week later sores and blotches covered most of my face.  Inwardly, I still felt the same person but outwardly I couldn't recognize myself.  I thought, "That's not me!"  It was the mirror's reflection that reminded me of the changes that had occurred in the past few weeks: the outward changes were due to the cream that I was applying... but was I the same person inwardly?  Had I changed in how I viewed myself?

Do you believe everything that people say about you?
(Photo:  Bubble Gum Alley,
San Luis Obispo, California - Larry Gardepie)

I attended several Zoom sessions and public events during these "face peeling" weeks.  Except for the burning and itching, I could overlook what I looked like... after all, I still felt the same inside.  But people would ask:  "Are you okay?", "What happened?", and "Is the situation serious?"

I began reflecting on the images we take on... self-imposed or other-imposed:

• How do I define myself?
• What do I accept from others?
• Do I see only "skin deep" or am I willing to look more closely at who people really are?

What distorts the beauty that is present?
(Photo:  Honolulu skyline - Larry Gardepie)

What have I learned from this "face peeling" treatment?  I am more aware of perceptions, opinions, and outlook.  I notice the difference between superficial aspects of my life and core beliefs and values.  I am grateful for friends who mirror or reflect back theories that I espouse but may not live fully.

 

And finally, accepting treatments to heal cancerous aspects of our lives is a good thing -- even when there is sensitivity and pain: that is, removing what distorts our inner beauty allows us to engage more fully with those around us.

May we recognize this week the "That's Not Me" moments as we accept the "This is Me" in Self and Others.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

Uniquely Normal or Normally Unique

Were you one of those kids who wanted to fit in -- to be accepted by your peers?  I remember periods of being less coordinated as my body grew and I had not mastered who I was becoming.  Standing on the sidelines to be picked on a team was intimidating, especially when I was selected last.

Comparing and judging seems to be universal as humans:  we are hardwired to seek out what is safe, normal, or just like us... and protect ourselves from being hurt or singled out for being unique.

Do you want to be normal or unique?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Pickles, Brian Crane)

By the 6th grade I was befriended by an adult who saw that I had talent as a runner.  Having a relative, friend or work colleague identify and encourage us is life giving:  the ability to believe in our own worth and value cannot be underestimated.  There is freedom that comes from belonging AND standing apart:  it creates that individual spark which illuminates even the darkest of moments.

When are you unique?
(Photo:  San Francisco skyline at night,
Larry Gardepie)

I guess I am reliving these earlier childhood memories of wanting to belong because of the societal drive to "return to normal" after these long pandemic-influenced months.  The pressure to conform and not stand out rises in me, bringing to mind those uncoordinated responses as my mind and body was evolving as a child.

I want to shout, "What about the uniqueness of Who I Am and my decisions to value self and protect others?"

Where can you stand out?
(Photo:  narrow street in Old Town Toledo, Spain)

I wonder, do we ever:

• Outgrow our childhood methods to select and accept others?
• Overcome how we think or feel when we are not chosen?
• Become comfortable with our Unique Self?
  

As we listen to what others ask of us this week, may we celebrate the times when we are uniquely normal and bless those times when we are called to be normally unique.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Life is Good

Whether at home, work, or leisure, we seek out what is routine and normal: those Patterns of Familiarity which bring comfort and a sense of security.  Just think of what soothes you throughout the day:  your typical wake up time; the morning beverage and food that starts the day; steps taken to ensure Loved Ones are prepared for their day; the route to work or what is completed before work begins… so many comfortable or normal patterns that define our days.

I wonder if that is why so many people felt uprooted or unnerved these past few years as our “normal” days were changed… we were afloat… life’s ordinariness beyond our control.

Where is your focus?
(Photo: Hawaiian Sunset, Larry Gardepie)

As these pandemic-affected years have given way to a different normal, I have found the need to break free from my day-to-day life, a desire to vacate the routines — “vacation from” these norms.  My solace is being on the ocean, a routine familiar before COVID… but also changed.  Each day is recognizable, but there are Moments Inspired — beyond my control — that distract me from the norms and usual rhythms of a day at sea.

Sometimes a breakthrough occurs as I encounter a new situation, cross paths with a companion traveler, or catch site of a beautiful sunrise or sunset.  The day seems different because of these unexpected encounters:  life is changed!

What rays of hope do you see on the horizon?
(Photo: Sunset over Pacific Ocean, Larry Gardepie)

 As I grow older, I find that I need both the familiar and the unexpected… the normal and the extraordinary… and I have limited control over what happens next!  Life is Good when I handle what I can, and then go along for the ride when the unexpected happens.

Seeking balance sometimes means letting go of my perceptions of how life should be — how I want it to be — and realize that others are experiencing much different realities than mine.

Can you see the goodness in yourself and others?
(Photo:  Sunset over Sea of Cortez, Larry Gardepie)

 
For instance, the war between Russia and Ukraine has unbalanced many of our lives.  Am I willing to let go of my frustration and anger over higher prices and realize that others are suffering much greater losses than I am?  Can I listen to a larger global message and realize that wars between nations and difficulties between individuals have similar roots?  Can I see goodness in others even when our norms are not aligned?

May we focus on the unexpected.  May we accept when future horizons cannot be controlled.  May we find a Willingness Within to see goodness in others.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)