That's Not Me

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized yourself?  What do you say?  For example:  I feel young inside but there is now an "older man" looking back at me!  I think, "Is that really me?"

These past few years I have seen my Dad and my brother in the mirror -- facial expressions, mannerisms, smiles, a twinkle in the eye... all reflections of me and others.  But, is that really me?

What is hidden behind what you see?
(Photo:  "Do Not Go Beyond Guardrail" sign,
Kauai, Hawaii - Larry Gardepie)

I might accept that I am getting older and acknowledge a family resemblance, but recently I had a different experience with the mirror:  my dermatologist had me apply a cream that burned the pre-cancerous cells on my face and scalp.  The first few days were like a bad sunburn:  the face peering back from the mirror was still me but was red and sensitive to the touch.

A week later sores and blotches covered most of my face.  Inwardly, I still felt the same person but outwardly I couldn't recognize myself.  I thought, "That's not me!"  It was the mirror's reflection that reminded me of the changes that had occurred in the past few weeks: the outward changes were due to the cream that I was applying... but was I the same person inwardly?  Had I changed in how I viewed myself?

Do you believe everything that people say about you?
(Photo:  Bubble Gum Alley,
San Luis Obispo, California - Larry Gardepie)

I attended several Zoom sessions and public events during these "face peeling" weeks.  Except for the burning and itching, I could overlook what I looked like... after all, I still felt the same inside.  But people would ask:  "Are you okay?", "What happened?", and "Is the situation serious?"

I began reflecting on the images we take on... self-imposed or other-imposed:

• How do I define myself?
• What do I accept from others?
• Do I see only "skin deep" or am I willing to look more closely at who people really are?

What distorts the beauty that is present?
(Photo:  Honolulu skyline - Larry Gardepie)

What have I learned from this "face peeling" treatment?  I am more aware of perceptions, opinions, and outlook.  I notice the difference between superficial aspects of my life and core beliefs and values.  I am grateful for friends who mirror or reflect back theories that I espouse but may not live fully.

 

And finally, accepting treatments to heal cancerous aspects of our lives is a good thing -- even when there is sensitivity and pain: that is, removing what distorts our inner beauty allows us to engage more fully with those around us.

May we recognize this week the "That's Not Me" moments as we accept the "This is Me" in Self and Others.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

Looking Upward and Outward

Sitting in a hotel atrium a few weeks ago, I naturally looked up... gaining a different perspective of my surroundings.  I say naturally because it came so easily.  I guess I look up a lot... at trees and clouds; at vaulted ceilings in cathedrals; and yes, at cobwebs hanging down from the beams in the family room!  

Maybe as a child we got used to looking up:  into the eyes of Loved Ones; for approval and recognition; and at our role models, idols, and heroes.

What inspires you to look up?
(Photo:  Embassy Suites BWI,
Larry Gardepie, 2022)

Weeks before and after this Atrium Awareness, I noticed that I was looking outward:  at the grandeur of the Grand Canyon; the magnificent rock formations in Bryce and Zion National Parks; and the expansiveness of the Columbia River Gorge.  So much natural beauty surrounding us... if we but take the time to notice, absorb, and be transformed!

What do you see when you look outward?
(Photo:  Columbia River Gorge,
Larry Gardepie, 2022)

Dialogue offers similar opportunities to look upward and outward, moments when we:

• See beyond the words and actions;
• Accept what is actually present; and
  
• Believe in the grand and magnificent miracle of relationships that expand our humble selves.
  

How can you change your perspective?
(Photo:  Sun illuminating Rossio Fountain, Lisbon,
Larry Gardepie, 2017)

Sometimes it is a matter of changing one's position or perspective to see the light shining through another person or having the courage to look into the sun to catch the rays that illuminate their words and actions.  Looking upward and outward can become natural to us if we are willing to share what we are thinking and feeling... followed by listening to the other person.  No action or response is necessary... except for the acceptance of a new perspective that is offered to us.

Sitting and looking up in an atrium or outward at natural beauty allows us time to consider that we may not have seen or experienced it all.  We are invited to see beyond what we knew before, and we can remove the cobwebs that distract us from seeing the Beauty Ever-Present.

May our eyes refocus our hearts upward and outward this week.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

What Do You See?

Have you heard the expression "Before you judge others, you must walk a mile in their shoes"?  I was thinking of this admonition last week when walking along Coronado's Tidelands Park (San Diego Bay).  We had come across the sculpture, Penelope, a few months ago.  This time, though, we spent more time at the sculpture:

• Where was she looking?
• What did she see?
• Why was this art piece placed here?
  

What is interesting about this sculpture are the strips of metal that overlay the face and the hair.  The curves and overlapping strands create the likeness that shapes what my mind perceives.

How do you know you are seeing what others see?
(Photo:  Penelope, Tidelands Park, Coronado)

A friend and I gazed outward, taking in the beautiful view, the clarity of the mountains in the distance, and the bridge and water close at hand.  What was Penelope seeing?

It wasn't until I returned home that I looked up Penelope's story.  She is a character in Homer's The Odyssey, the wife of Odysseus, king of Ithaca.  For two decades, Penelope waited at home for Odysseus' return.  She was faithful to him even though suitors tried to marry her, assuming that Odysseus had perished.  Penelope's story is about loyalty to what she saw and believed.

Is it enough to agree with others
- to face the same direction?

I wonder if I will ever truly understand what others see or where their loyalties lie?  It seems that so much of our society demands to be understood... for who they are; how they experience this world; for agreement and loyalty to common strands of belief systems.  But, there are so many layers to our stories as we see and experience life in our 20s, 30s, 40s and older.  Life changes us as we encounter different situations, as we expand or contract our understanding, and as we seek empathy and compassion.

When I first encountered Penelope two months ago, I noticed that the sculpture is almost mask-like: something that we are invited to try on.  Going around the sculpture, a person can lean into the back of the art piece -- stepping inside.  Looking outward from inside Penelope's mask, the water, bridge, and mountains are focused differently.  We can truly see what Penelope sees by stepping inward!

What will draw us inward to see as others see?

As with all good art -- and stories -- we are drawn closer to Life Revealed.  Various perspectives are uncovered as we move outward or inward. With Penelope, the front or outward view at first seemed so clear... but it was difficult to imagine where she was looking, what she was seeing.  Moving inward, the mask took on an almost optical-illusion quality to it -- like those portraits where the eyes follow you as you move in different directions.

Am I looking inward or outward when I walk into the art installation?  Both dimensions are available when I step closer.  Am I able to see both?  Which do I favor?

As we seek to understand what another person sees, I wonder:

• Can we release the initial clarity we think we saw?
• Are we willing to step inside the thoughts and feelings others are sharing?
• Is it possible that multiple views are present -- all depending on where we stand or whose shoes we are wearing?
  

May this time of Thanksgiving draw us together... allowing us to be loyal to what we see... while at the same time, respecting what others see.  Let us give thanks for one another... no matter what we see or experience... differently!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)