Disturb: To Stop Or Hinder

Disturbing is my word of the day!  Reading or watching the news... listening to people as they describe their COVID experiences... wondering about our future together...Disturbing!

In addition, I have been watching the Ken Burn's documentary, The U.S. and the Holocaust.  Watching and listening to the world of the 1930s and 1940s and comparing to the language and actions of today... Disturbing!

Do you expect or want others to agree with you?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Blondie, Dean Young and John Marshall,
February 6, 2021)

It seem that our human intellect can rationalize and protect almost anything... even harm to others.  One redeeming quality that we possess is Choice, that ability to watch, listen and choose another course of action.

I wonder what it will take, though, to motivate us to change our current choices?  If wars, climate change and pandemics can't awaken us to other possibilities, what can?  When will we shift our attention from the events and devices that entertain and distract us from what is Real?

How often do you give undivided attention to others?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Zits, Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman,
November 1, 2020)

As I listen and watch -- even when I interact with others -- I am trying to practice an exercise of asking myself questions:

• Was that an assumption or opinion?
• Is that conclusion closing off dialogue and possibilities?
• Did I just hear facts and data about that person or event? 

Listening more carefully and learning to analyze the information I am absorbing, has helped me to see how many decisions are based on assumptions, opinions, and expectations.  When I slow down and peel away the information and its source, I see reactions and unfounded or untethered messages biased by competing perspectives.

When do you feel empathy for others?
(Photo:  La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona, Spain,
Larry Gardepie, 2019)

It is disturbing to realize how much of my life has been on autopilot or reactionary.  Reflecting on these thoughts, I remembered a situation in third grade.  Our teacher, Mrs. Ruby Woodward, was the first Black teacher in our school.  I noticed her skin color, true -- but I loved her look on life and her enthusiasm.  I hadn't absorbed the lessons of discrimination or differences at that point in my life.  One day, as I was opening our classroom door outward, the door hit her young son, Timmy, in the face.  His glasses broke and his forehead began bleeding from the cut he received.

 

I was disturbed that I had hurt someone, especially my favorite teacher's son. After taking her son to the nurse, Mrs. Woodward took me aside and consoled me: explaining how accidents happen; I wasn't to blame; I wouldn't be punished.  What I experienced was kindness, compassion... and that her son had red blood just like mine when I was hurt.

 

In that moment the seeds of empathy were planted, and the knowledge that we can choose to understand, to have compassion, and to be kind.  We can make these choices every day... if we distinguish data and facts from assumptions, opinions, and false conclusions.

 
Through dialogue this week may we stop or hinder disturbing trends and move towards choices of kindness, empathy, and compassion.  May we distinguish what is real as we accept our common humanity.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Sitting in Their Place

I don't think I am crazy, but this week I have been thinking about shoes!  Not that I need any more:  I have dress shoes, tennis shoes, and sandals.  Each has its purpose in covering and protecting my feet while walking, relaxing or going out.  The connection between shoes, coverings, and protection took on more meaning after a recent Dialogue Learning Group meeting.

One of our members talked about a practice she uses to pray for and understand another person:  as a person of faith, an educator, and a school principal, she notices when she is having difficulty with a child, parent, teacher, or church goer.  Rather than dwell on the misunderstandings or issues, she sits in their place -- whether the school desk, a classroom, or the church pew used by that person.

How often do you notice other people's shoes?
(Photo:  Sky Tower, Auckland, New Zealand, Larry Gardepie)

 As she sits, she prays and listens:

• What must they be feeling or thinking in this situation?
• How might I understand their perspective or problem?
• Can I see and hear differently to overcome what overshadows us?
  
  

Have you ever wondered what it would be like
to be someone else?
(Quote:  Roman Krznaric)

Sitting in Their Place is similar to the adage "Before you judge another person, walk a mile in their shoes."  But, for me, there is a practical action and a rhythm in Rayleen's practice:

• Stepping away from my comfort zone;
• Placing myself in the other person's home turf;
• Sitting quietly and listening; and,
  
• Praying for understanding. 

Am I willing to listen and learn?
(Quote:  Harper Lee)

When I honestly work at my dialogue practice, I experience a willingness to go beyond the coverings that protect me. Empathy replaces my judgments.  Curiosity and questions begin to surface.  The dualities of Right-Wrong and MyWay-YourWay are no longer relevant.

When do I trust and help others?
(Quote:  Manuela McFee)

Like young children who tried on the clothes of siblings or parents to see what fit, maybe:

• We can try on the coverings that other people use to protect themselves.
• We can look in the mirror of another person's eyes to see the connections that bind us.
• We can accept the life and struggles that define the human person.

Whether "Sitting in Their Place" or "Walking in Their Shoes," we are Called to Change.

 

May we pray for relationships, blessings, and peace this week as we sit together.  May we seek to understand.  May we find a willingness to change.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

What Do You See?

Have you heard the expression "Before you judge others, you must walk a mile in their shoes"?  I was thinking of this admonition last week when walking along Coronado's Tidelands Park (San Diego Bay).  We had come across the sculpture, Penelope, a few months ago.  This time, though, we spent more time at the sculpture:

• Where was she looking?
• What did she see?
• Why was this art piece placed here?
  

What is interesting about this sculpture are the strips of metal that overlay the face and the hair.  The curves and overlapping strands create the likeness that shapes what my mind perceives.

How do you know you are seeing what others see?
(Photo:  Penelope, Tidelands Park, Coronado)

A friend and I gazed outward, taking in the beautiful view, the clarity of the mountains in the distance, and the bridge and water close at hand.  What was Penelope seeing?

It wasn't until I returned home that I looked up Penelope's story.  She is a character in Homer's The Odyssey, the wife of Odysseus, king of Ithaca.  For two decades, Penelope waited at home for Odysseus' return.  She was faithful to him even though suitors tried to marry her, assuming that Odysseus had perished.  Penelope's story is about loyalty to what she saw and believed.

Is it enough to agree with others
- to face the same direction?

I wonder if I will ever truly understand what others see or where their loyalties lie?  It seems that so much of our society demands to be understood... for who they are; how they experience this world; for agreement and loyalty to common strands of belief systems.  But, there are so many layers to our stories as we see and experience life in our 20s, 30s, 40s and older.  Life changes us as we encounter different situations, as we expand or contract our understanding, and as we seek empathy and compassion.

When I first encountered Penelope two months ago, I noticed that the sculpture is almost mask-like: something that we are invited to try on.  Going around the sculpture, a person can lean into the back of the art piece -- stepping inside.  Looking outward from inside Penelope's mask, the water, bridge, and mountains are focused differently.  We can truly see what Penelope sees by stepping inward!

What will draw us inward to see as others see?

As with all good art -- and stories -- we are drawn closer to Life Revealed.  Various perspectives are uncovered as we move outward or inward. With Penelope, the front or outward view at first seemed so clear... but it was difficult to imagine where she was looking, what she was seeing.  Moving inward, the mask took on an almost optical-illusion quality to it -- like those portraits where the eyes follow you as you move in different directions.

Am I looking inward or outward when I walk into the art installation?  Both dimensions are available when I step closer.  Am I able to see both?  Which do I favor?

As we seek to understand what another person sees, I wonder:

• Can we release the initial clarity we think we saw?
• Are we willing to step inside the thoughts and feelings others are sharing?
• Is it possible that multiple views are present -- all depending on where we stand or whose shoes we are wearing?
  

May this time of Thanksgiving draw us together... allowing us to be loyal to what we see... while at the same time, respecting what others see.  Let us give thanks for one another... no matter what we see or experience... differently!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)