Honestly... To Be Fair

I'd like to check something out with you: when using words like "Fair" and "Respect," how are you defining those words -- and in relation to what?  For instance, I can hear echoes in my mind about "That's not fair!" but the voice seems to have child-like tones, and the memories are usually when I was treated unfairly or disrespectfully.  To be fair, there have been times when I have looked outward at situations when others were treated unjustly and inhumanely... but, to be honest, the majority of the time I am referencing me and my situations!

I wonder how often our mental models are formed -- and remain anchored -- in past situations:  rooted in childhood and centered on how we were treated?

How do you define "Fair" -- and in relationship to whom?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit: Baby Blues, Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott, 02/03/23)

It makes sense that our responses to situations are shadowed by individual experiences, but what happens when we encounter Situations Unknown that require a more Collective Response?  What skills have we developed to help us bridge these Past Echoes and learn to Look Beyond ourselves?

I can't always stop these voices.  After all, I learned how to survive and flourish in the environment of my childhood.  Moving outward, I have learned to notice these tapes playing, and to wonder if there is a broader vision of fairness and respect that goes beyond me.

As we grow older, we are called to look outward at a larger horizon... even when there are clouds that shadow what we see!

Can you get beyond the clouds that shadow your horizon?
(Photo:  Cloudy Ocean - Larry Gardepie)

The skills of observing and noticing give us time to pause and reflect on what we hear -- those inward tapes and outward voices; see -- treatment of Self and Other; and understand -- justices and injustices.  Through these skills, Awareness surfaces and begins to recolor the past and bring brilliance to the present.

How can we see anew the beauty around us?
(Photo: Ocean Sunset - Larry Gardepie)

As we move into this next week, our invitation is to notice when fairness and respect are not present, and to balance the pendulum away from Only Self and Only Other.  Our challenge is to honestly treat everyone fairly.

Peace to you and your Loved Ones!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Help Me Understand

For the past several years, long-time friends from elementary school have gathered virtually to reminisce on our childhood friendships and to catch-up on our lives.  Though we are different people decades away from our grade school years, there remains a kernel of who we were and are to one another.  I've been mulling over our last gathering:  at one point the conversation became much more serious than previous reunions.

Was it a reflection that we were ready to talk through today's complexities?  Were the differences in our current lives ready to stretch our past friendships?  Is there something hidden beyond the classroom and schoolyard remembrances?

Can you see beyond what you see today?
(Photo:  Balboa Park, San Diego, Larry Gardepie)

What I have learned about relationships in the intervening years since I was younger and more naive is the importance to value and accept people for who they are... their individual dreams, aspirations and experiences.  Mind you, I don't always remember these lessons!  Rather, I fall back into being anxious when not picked on a team or competing to be the best in the Classroom of Life or knowing that I have the right answer!

And, in the confusion of today's world, I find myself caught between opposing views or activists who require that I accept only their worldview.

I have to remind myself that I have moved away from the classroom and playground where the teacher or an adult moderated the environment... asking that we share the swings and balls and four square courts, allowing others who have raised their hands to answer the questions, and playing fair with one another.

Are you too close to a situation to see everything?
(Photo:  Dart Coffee Company, Santa Barbara,
Larry Gardepie)

Similar to our younger selves in the classroom and on the playground, I wonder if:

• We take some situations too seriously.
• There are instances when we do not see clearly.
• We may need to step back and listen.

In addition, maybe we could relax more, play, and have fun!

 

How can you step back and consider another perspective?
(Photo:  Dart Coffee Company, Santa Barbara,
Larry Gardepie)

A phrase that I learned and have come to value -- but again, I admit I don't always use:  Help me understand...  In this one phrase I am: asking for help; expressing that I don't understand; and when said with curiosity and humility, inviting you to share your thoughts and ideas.  In essence, the adult who moderated our classroom and playground environment surfaces within me:  can we live together and share what we know and understand?

May we learn to value and accept others.  May we play fair in thoughts, words, and actions.  May we help each other to understand.

 

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)