How Can I Help?

One beautiful aspect of being human is our diversity:  we have a variety of likes and dislikes; we approach problems in different ways; and we have the ability to observe and learn.  I think that is why I have enjoyed watching NBC's medical drama series, New Amsterdam.  Each week for five years we were drawn into stories that addressed current issues of bias, misunderstandings, and relationships gone awry.  The writers and actors walked us through ways to talk, listen, and adjust our mental models.

The series finale ended as it began years before: the hospital director asking, "How can I help?"

How can I help?
(Photo credit:  Cast of New Amsterdam,
Showbiz Junkies)

Hearing these four words throughout the series reminded me that we are partners on this Journey Called Life.  By asking the question -- and allowing the other person to answer -- we come to a shared understanding:

• This is what is needed;
• My answer may not be yours; and,
  
• I don't have to make a decision that disrespects you.

This TV show also modeled various ways to listen and let go: our primary goal is to create safe environments that respect our diversity and differences.

How can I help?
(Photo credit:  Cat helps lost baby duck, Ava Hamric)

In the final season, Max Goodwin, the hospital director, learned sign language because one of his doctors was deaf.  Dr. Iggy Frome, the head of Psychiatry, came to terms with his own insecurities to help those in his care.   Dr. Lauren Bloom, head of the Emergency Department, let go of wanting to take away her sister's addictions.  Dr. Floyd Reynolds, head of General Surgery, found the father that abandoned his family to understand what it meant to be family.

Each person and role struggled to be human, and learned to intentionally help one another:  "How can I help?"

How can I help?
(Photo credit: A Piece of Peace, L. R. Knost)

Five years later I am beginning to understand:  it is okay to be... broken... to not know the answers... to need help... to be human!

If you are looking for a show to binge on a weekend when it is raining or snowing, I would offer New Amsterdam.

May we be willing to ask others:  "How can I help?"  And, may we be willing to listen to and accept the answers.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Help Me Understand

For the past several years, long-time friends from elementary school have gathered virtually to reminisce on our childhood friendships and to catch-up on our lives.  Though we are different people decades away from our grade school years, there remains a kernel of who we were and are to one another.  I've been mulling over our last gathering:  at one point the conversation became much more serious than previous reunions.

Was it a reflection that we were ready to talk through today's complexities?  Were the differences in our current lives ready to stretch our past friendships?  Is there something hidden beyond the classroom and schoolyard remembrances?

Can you see beyond what you see today?
(Photo:  Balboa Park, San Diego, Larry Gardepie)

What I have learned about relationships in the intervening years since I was younger and more naive is the importance to value and accept people for who they are... their individual dreams, aspirations and experiences.  Mind you, I don't always remember these lessons!  Rather, I fall back into being anxious when not picked on a team or competing to be the best in the Classroom of Life or knowing that I have the right answer!

And, in the confusion of today's world, I find myself caught between opposing views or activists who require that I accept only their worldview.

I have to remind myself that I have moved away from the classroom and playground where the teacher or an adult moderated the environment... asking that we share the swings and balls and four square courts, allowing others who have raised their hands to answer the questions, and playing fair with one another.

Are you too close to a situation to see everything?
(Photo:  Dart Coffee Company, Santa Barbara,
Larry Gardepie)

Similar to our younger selves in the classroom and on the playground, I wonder if:

• We take some situations too seriously.
• There are instances when we do not see clearly.
• We may need to step back and listen.

In addition, maybe we could relax more, play, and have fun!

 

How can you step back and consider another perspective?
(Photo:  Dart Coffee Company, Santa Barbara,
Larry Gardepie)

A phrase that I learned and have come to value -- but again, I admit I don't always use:  Help me understand...  In this one phrase I am: asking for help; expressing that I don't understand; and when said with curiosity and humility, inviting you to share your thoughts and ideas.  In essence, the adult who moderated our classroom and playground environment surfaces within me:  can we live together and share what we know and understand?

May we learn to value and accept others.  May we play fair in thoughts, words, and actions.  May we help each other to understand.

 

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)