From Adjectives to Labels

Politics is one of those areas that I find fascinating... but would never consider personally for a profession!  We want the best people to step forward to be our leaders... but so much time, energy, and money is spent tearing down these people.  Such a paradox!

I've noticed over the last few decades how varying beliefs and values have divided us: we sometimes can't be in the same room with people who think differently!

Just look at our "social" media:  it is full of memes that repeat slogans and ideologies that separate us.

How do you handle differing views?
(Photo credit:  Facebook download)

Language helps us convey abstract thoughts to another person.  We use words to describe what we are thinking, feeling, seeing, and doing.  We may not always select the right words.  That is why patience and curiosity are important. 

I don't want to use this forum to highlight one political party over another, but a recent example of our current political discourse shows how words shift from being adjectives to becoming labels:  that is, describing someone's words and actions as Weird to then calling that person a Weirdo.

Words have power:  they influence our way of thinking; they sometimes call us to action.

Where are you generous in spirit?
(Photo credit:  Kindred Spirits, Cork, Ireland)

Have you heard this story about the American Indian Choctaw tribe:  in 1847, they heard about the Irish potato famine and collected $200 to send to the starving families in Ireland.  The Choctaw were not rich.  In fact, they too were suffering hardships.  Words describing hardships challenged these people to support others.

The Irish created the Kindred Spirits sculpture in County Cork to commemorate this act of selfless giving: nine 20-foot tall stainless-steel feathers arranged in the shape of a bowl of food.  The Choctaw and Irish are forever joined.

Words moved people to action:  humanity came together to understand Suffering Shared.

When do words set you free?
(Photo: Storefront Design, Carlsbad, CA - Larry Gardepie)

Shifting from adjectives to labels is quick:  we move from descriptors of what we are experiencing to opinions and conclusions about others.  This is the movement from adjectives to labels that I am describing.  We all do this!

I believe that language and words are meant to connect and build, to share meaning and understanding... and to explore similarities and differences.  I don't believe they are intended to hurt... but sometimes they do!

The challenge this election cycle is to listen to our words.  Like the Choctaw, how can we hear the suffering of another and be moved to support?

May our words this week help to free ourselves and others!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Labeling By Surprise

Have you ever paid attention to the various labels used every day?  I guess at a basic level we are trying to describe what we are seeing and experiencing.  But, I wonder, how often we use words to box people in... to limit or bias the story-telling... to hurt or distance ourselves from others?

It's an eye-opening exercise to notice the labels you might use regularly or the ones you hear between family, friends or work colleagues:  male, female or non-binary; married, single or divorced; black, white, or BIPOC; straight or LGBTQIA+; energetic or lazy; trusted or shady...

The list goes on and on as we try to understand our world and convey thoughts and ideas to another person.

How do you see and describe your world?
(Photo credit: The Harmful Effects of Labeling People
(Ourselves and Others), Plus Finding Hope for the Future
- Leigh Aguirre, Registered Nurse at UCHealth)

I realize that even raising this to our consciousness might be labeled as Woke by some people... which raises more questions about what "woke culture" is and why it has been given a certain framework.  Words and actions are the ways that we communicate our thoughts and feelings to another person:  individuals trying to understand.

As an introvert, my thoughts are often jumbled or half-cooked when I decide to share ideas. Conveying intangible ideas by using language is almost like capturing smoke... as the smoke disappears!

Are we surprised by what we see or hear?
(Photo credit: Is a Surprise More Enjoyable
for the Receiver or the Giver?
- Nici Lucas, The Days of Gifts)

A dialogue practitioner mentioned to me recently her intention to "Keep space to be surprised."  That is, rather than becoming stuck on a word or label used by someone else, her hope is to become more curious, asking questions, and trying to understand the thought behind the word or label.

Rather than remaining on the surface level with the label, it may be more important to understand more deeply what the person is seeing and trying to convey.  Oftentimes, a label can be -- or is -- used to distract or separate us.  Questions and curiosity can focus and draw us together.

How can we bridge what divides us?
(Photo credit: Togetherness without being Together
- Abhineet Mittal)

Surprise might be the key to understanding the intangibles that we cannot see:

• What does that word or label mean?
• How is it being used?
• Why is this important to the other person?

Also, we may be surprised by what we discover when we ask questions, listen, and allow intangible ideas to transform into tangible actions of understanding.

May we be surprised this week when the smoke clears and our intentions are revealed.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Labels and Tapes: "I am..." and "You are..."

My name is Larry, and I am a Recovering Labeler.

In order to survive this world, I pigeonhole myself and others into neat definitions and file folders... I label myself and you!  I replay tapes that describe how I see myself:  "I am..."

And, to be honest, I have tapes about you as well:  "You are..." and "They are..."

What inner maze do you navigate
when thinking about self and others?
(Mosque-Cathedral, Cordoba, Spain)

I don't want to assume too much here, but I wonder if we all do this: seeing or hearing someone we don't really know and placing a label on them?  I have labels for:

• Politicians whom I agree with, and different labels for those I disagree with.
• Sales professionals who help me, and door-to-door sales people who interrupt my day.
• Family, friends, and work colleagues that support and encourage me, and those I don't understand.

Part of my recovery as a Labeler is noticing the labels I have created or tapes I replay:

Which ones are inaccurate and keep me from seeing clearly?

When do you allow the mists of misunderstanding
to dissipate, so you can see clearly?
(Mountains surrounding Montserrat, Spain)

You may be wondering why I am reflecting on my addiction to labeling self and others.  While mentoring someone this week, I noticed that she was focusing on all of the negatives about a specific situation.  I found myself identifying with her:  it is so easy to describe what I don't like!

The challenge for her... and myself... and, dare I suggest, all of us: can we name what we like about a situation, about others, and about ourselves?  Can we see the beauty in the intricate complexity of our relationships?  Can we lower the labels and stop listening to the self-recriminating tapes and see anew? 

Can you find beauty in the intricate
design and interconnections with others?
(The Alhambra, Granada, Spain)

I don't think I can stop myself entirely from labeling.  It seems so hardwired into how we experience our world.  But my hope is... one moment at a time... that I will notice when I have trapped myself with definitions and conclusions that limit our interactions.

Once I notice the label or tape, can I:

• Hold the label and tape gently, and wonder where these came from?
• Consider that my conclusions may not be accurate?
• Explore more deeply who I am, who you are, and what we currently understand and believe?

It is in these reflective moments that I can release the constraints that keep me from seeing the beauty and value in you, and I can silence the self-incriminating tapes that imprison me.

 
May this week surprise us with positive outlooks, experiences, and self-discovery.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

What is PC anyway?

During the 2016 presidential primaries, I noticed that politicians decried others as being "PC" (politically correct).  In recent years the struggle focuses on the "Cancel Culture."  I find the languaging and labeling of opposing views disturbing.  Where is there an attempt to bring people together?  Rather, the words or labels become ideological wedges that are used to separate.

With this in mind I sought refuge in the daily Dear Abby column and the Letters to the Editor.  Though these forums do not offer in-person conversations, we catch glimpses of people's points of view and struggles faced.

Jeanne Phillips ("Dear Abby") shared two lessons she learned from her mother, Pauline:

• When we aren't sure, ask the other person, and
  
• Always err on the side of respect.

Is it as simple as asking and showing respect?

When have you witnessed respect shown to others?

 
I was thinking of this as I stood in line for my second COVID shot.  Having qualified by age and health history, I was fortunate to be there.  People were social distancing, wearing masks, listening and following the directions of the volunteers helping us.  Are we being PC?  Showing respect?  Individually staying separate in order to keep all of us together and healthy?

How then are we called to respond to people who have other viewpoints?  With labels like anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers?  Or respectfully asking to understand their beliefs and conclusions?

What happens when we all become blind?
(Photo credit: An Eye For An Eye...)

Reverend Lawson paraphrased a quote normally attributed to Mahatma Gandhi by saying: "An eye for an eye... just increases blindness."  Unlike the Cancel Culture label that negatively focuses on the "mob mentality of erasing history," I wonder if Gandhi and Lawson saw that blindness occurs when we seek vengeance and not the truth that must be heard.

Asking and showing respect seem to be at the core of understanding another person, not labeling and pushing aside.

How might we err on the side of respect?

We have eyes so that we can see; ears so we can hear; brains to think and reason... and hearts to feel compassion and empathy.  What would happen if we sought, heard, understood, and felt the pains, sorrows, joys and triumphs of others?  Maybe we could stay in relationship, see what creative solutions arise, and allow the tensions between us to cancel the political cultures that separate and divide us.

As Dear Abby suggests: let us ask the other person what we are unsure of, and err on the side of respect!

 
Peace and good health to you and your loved ones!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Conventional Labels

Take a few minutes and write down 15 words that describe who you are.  Reflect on your list, and circle the most important descriptor.  Now, review the list:

• Are the majority of the words roles and responsibilities (e.g., parent, child, relative, job)?
• How many are adjectives (e.g., physical characteristics, intellectual, temperaments)?
• Which descriptors are self-given?  How many are ways that people describe you?

Finally, mark those words that describe you as an individual and which describe you in relation to others.

It seems that we -- and others -- select words that describe the multiple facets of who we are in this world.  We try to understand how we are similar or different.

How do I define myself?
(Photo credit:  Cedric Richmond, Jr., Pledge of Allegiance, CNN.com)

 
Political conventions and campaigns use many labels to differentiate the candidates -- and followers -- from The Other.   Watching this week's Democratic Convention I noticed that I was "at home" (belonged) with some speeches but "felt distant" or separated from others.  I wonder if it will be the same next week while watching the Republican Convention?

Do I accept and perpetuate only those labels that bring me together with like-minded people?  Maybe I also accept and perpetuate labels that separate me from people who think differently.

How do we define ourselves?
(Photo credit:  RNC Convention 2016, USNews.com,
Dominick Reuter/AFP/Getty Images)

 
Thirteen-year old Brayden Harrington spoke at the last night of the Democratic Convention.  He exemplified how labels can be overcome:  rather than being boxed in or shamed as a stutterer, he described how this characteristic allowed him to connect with another life-long stutterer, Joe Biden.  The courage of speaking out drew these two people together, to go beyond the label and see the true person.

Going back to your list of descriptors and the one circled as the most important:  how did it feel to limit yourself to one label?  Does this label connect you with others?

How do others define us?
(Photo credit:  Brayden Harrington, DNC Convention 2020,
Indiana Express)

 
I wonder how often our labels (of self and about others) are used to:

• Build up or tear down?
• Encourage exploration or hold us back?
• Create relationships or separate us?

May Labels Used invite us to dialogue on their meaning and history.  May we seek courage to not allow labels to overrule the most important aspects of ourselves.  And may labels be used to bridge our differences.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)