From Adjectives to Labels

Politics is one of those areas that I find fascinating... but would never consider personally for a profession!  We want the best people to step forward to be our leaders... but so much time, energy, and money is spent tearing down these people.  Such a paradox!

I've noticed over the last few decades how varying beliefs and values have divided us: we sometimes can't be in the same room with people who think differently!

Just look at our "social" media:  it is full of memes that repeat slogans and ideologies that separate us.

How do you handle differing views?
(Photo credit:  Facebook download)

Language helps us convey abstract thoughts to another person.  We use words to describe what we are thinking, feeling, seeing, and doing.  We may not always select the right words.  That is why patience and curiosity are important. 

I don't want to use this forum to highlight one political party over another, but a recent example of our current political discourse shows how words shift from being adjectives to becoming labels:  that is, describing someone's words and actions as Weird to then calling that person a Weirdo.

Words have power:  they influence our way of thinking; they sometimes call us to action.

Where are you generous in spirit?
(Photo credit:  Kindred Spirits, Cork, Ireland)

Have you heard this story about the American Indian Choctaw tribe:  in 1847, they heard about the Irish potato famine and collected $200 to send to the starving families in Ireland.  The Choctaw were not rich.  In fact, they too were suffering hardships.  Words describing hardships challenged these people to support others.

The Irish created the Kindred Spirits sculpture in County Cork to commemorate this act of selfless giving: nine 20-foot tall stainless-steel feathers arranged in the shape of a bowl of food.  The Choctaw and Irish are forever joined.

Words moved people to action:  humanity came together to understand Suffering Shared.

When do words set you free?
(Photo: Storefront Design, Carlsbad, CA - Larry Gardepie)

Shifting from adjectives to labels is quick:  we move from descriptors of what we are experiencing to opinions and conclusions about others.  This is the movement from adjectives to labels that I am describing.  We all do this!

I believe that language and words are meant to connect and build, to share meaning and understanding... and to explore similarities and differences.  I don't believe they are intended to hurt... but sometimes they do!

The challenge this election cycle is to listen to our words.  Like the Choctaw, how can we hear the suffering of another and be moved to support?

May our words this week help to free ourselves and others!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Disturb: To Stop Or Hinder

Disturbing is my word of the day!  Reading or watching the news... listening to people as they describe their COVID experiences... wondering about our future together...Disturbing!

In addition, I have been watching the Ken Burn's documentary, The U.S. and the Holocaust.  Watching and listening to the world of the 1930s and 1940s and comparing to the language and actions of today... Disturbing!

Do you expect or want others to agree with you?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Blondie, Dean Young and John Marshall,
February 6, 2021)

It seem that our human intellect can rationalize and protect almost anything... even harm to others.  One redeeming quality that we possess is Choice, that ability to watch, listen and choose another course of action.

I wonder what it will take, though, to motivate us to change our current choices?  If wars, climate change and pandemics can't awaken us to other possibilities, what can?  When will we shift our attention from the events and devices that entertain and distract us from what is Real?

How often do you give undivided attention to others?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Zits, Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman,
November 1, 2020)

As I listen and watch -- even when I interact with others -- I am trying to practice an exercise of asking myself questions:

• Was that an assumption or opinion?
• Is that conclusion closing off dialogue and possibilities?
• Did I just hear facts and data about that person or event? 

Listening more carefully and learning to analyze the information I am absorbing, has helped me to see how many decisions are based on assumptions, opinions, and expectations.  When I slow down and peel away the information and its source, I see reactions and unfounded or untethered messages biased by competing perspectives.

When do you feel empathy for others?
(Photo:  La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona, Spain,
Larry Gardepie, 2019)

It is disturbing to realize how much of my life has been on autopilot or reactionary.  Reflecting on these thoughts, I remembered a situation in third grade.  Our teacher, Mrs. Ruby Woodward, was the first Black teacher in our school.  I noticed her skin color, true -- but I loved her look on life and her enthusiasm.  I hadn't absorbed the lessons of discrimination or differences at that point in my life.  One day, as I was opening our classroom door outward, the door hit her young son, Timmy, in the face.  His glasses broke and his forehead began bleeding from the cut he received.

 

I was disturbed that I had hurt someone, especially my favorite teacher's son. After taking her son to the nurse, Mrs. Woodward took me aside and consoled me: explaining how accidents happen; I wasn't to blame; I wouldn't be punished.  What I experienced was kindness, compassion... and that her son had red blood just like mine when I was hurt.

 

In that moment the seeds of empathy were planted, and the knowledge that we can choose to understand, to have compassion, and to be kind.  We can make these choices every day... if we distinguish data and facts from assumptions, opinions, and false conclusions.

 
Through dialogue this week may we stop or hinder disturbing trends and move towards choices of kindness, empathy, and compassion.  May we distinguish what is real as we accept our common humanity.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Weeds of Ideas

Growing up I remember always questioning and exploring:  curiosity about how the world around me worked;  why friends' families did things differently; and if work systems could change.  Though I didn't need to, I took additional classes on ornamental horticulture, soil science, history, statistics, Greek... even though I was a computer science major!  Each semester the Dean had to approve my "course overload."  My interests and the academic choices seemed endless... but my time was limited and the university system wanted me to graduate!

Why?  There was so much to learn:  I wanted to grow... and I still do!

What filters what we see?
(Photo: Shaded Patio, Catalina Island,
Larry Gardepie)

As spring weather returns and new plant growth appears, it is time to weed and prepare the soil for our vegetable garden.  In the process of weeding, I recall a comment from one of my  horticulture professors:  "Weeds are plants that are misplaced."  He explained that weeds bring value to the environment.  We are the ones who have labeled them... and want to remove them.

I wonder about our Need to Weed.  Before the horticulture class, I was taught:

• Weeds draw water and nutrition from the plants we prefer.
• Weeds choke off the growth of other plants.
• Weeds are not the plants we have chosen to nurture.

 

Where does beauty exist?
(Photo:  California Poppy, Larry Gardepie)

Maybe these statements are true, but what is it about our desire to define, filter, and control what is considered a "weed" or "not a weed"?  People in California are faced with continued drought conditions, so some are returning to native drought-resistant plants -- those that are best suited for this environment.  It takes awhile to get used to the naturalness of these native plants - they don't always match what I learned earlier... some look like weeds!

Weeds and dialogue have a lot in common:  curiosity helps us to explore people's ideas, opinions, and conclusions; slowing down and listening heightens awareness of the filters to pull up or discard other ways of thinking or being; compassion and empathy surface as we relate to the person planted in our lives.

Where can we bloom where we are planted?
(Photo:  Conservatory and Lily Pond, Balboa Park,
San Diego, Larry Gardepie)

Learned filters determine what is choking growth or what is nurtured.  Noticing these filters provides choice on what is misplaced or not.  Choice allows us to consider Weeds of Ideas that we may have discarded without thinking.

Maybe as we consider the words we choose and the actions we take, we can learn to value diverse ideas and opinions.  Rather than controlling and removing what we don't like, we can sit with and marvel at the beauty of what is planted.

Be careful what you weed and toss aside this week!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)