Standing by Your Story?

Listening to a mentor-partner this past week, I wondered about statements that this person was making -- not whether they were true or not, but whether he was distinguishing between facts and assumptions.  He ended with "That's my story!"  Over the next few minutes, we explored this "story":

• What was known or assumed.
• What was observed or shared by others.
• If any biases or filters may have distorted what happened.
  
• How he was piecing together the situation that concerned him.

Understanding that we all "fill in the blanks" and we all "create stories" is a starting point for curiosity:  Am I interested in finding out what really happened?
 

What story do you remember?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Far Side, Gary Larson, 01/30/91)

This lesson hit home when I was watching a YouTube video, "Creating Perspective Art Using Paper Cups."  (Click on link to watch this 3-minute video.)

 

At one point in the video, it says "[The] Key is getting the proportions just right."

 

How true with the stories that we tell: balancing the perspectives of fact, fiction, assumptions, and truth!  We have collected all these disparate pieces of information, but we may have arranged them incorrectly or placed more emphasis on one aspect of the story than another.

How do you piece together the information you receive?
(Photo credit:  Creating Perspective Art Using Paper Cups,
Insider Art, YouTube)

Spending time with another mentor-partner, I heard her describe what seemed like two different stories:  her supervisor said one thing and a work colleague said another.  Having met with the supervisor and work colleague separately the week before, I could see that BOTH stories were correct!  It was a matter of the timeline:  WHEN something had happened.

 

Yes, the stories were different -- and confusing -- to the mentor-partner who had received information from the supervisor and work colleague... but as potential options were being discussed, people's input had changed the story's outcome.  Both stories were true... at the time WHEN they were told.

Does your story provide perspective?
(Photo credit:  Creating Perspective Art Using Paper Cups,
Insider Art, YouTube)

 The lessons for me?  Being able to:

• Keep an open mind about the information I receive;
• Realize that each perspective might be true -- at the time it happened; and,
  
• See the importance of getting the proportions just right.

That is, learning to balance what I hear with the assumptions and stories that I tell myself.  Rather than "Standing by my story," I must be willing to listen and become curious by asking questions about timeline (when), intentions (why), participants present (who), and checking out the facts (how).

May we become creative in the art of perspective!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Disturb: To Stop Or Hinder

Disturbing is my word of the day!  Reading or watching the news... listening to people as they describe their COVID experiences... wondering about our future together...Disturbing!

In addition, I have been watching the Ken Burn's documentary, The U.S. and the Holocaust.  Watching and listening to the world of the 1930s and 1940s and comparing to the language and actions of today... Disturbing!

Do you expect or want others to agree with you?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Blondie, Dean Young and John Marshall,
February 6, 2021)

It seem that our human intellect can rationalize and protect almost anything... even harm to others.  One redeeming quality that we possess is Choice, that ability to watch, listen and choose another course of action.

I wonder what it will take, though, to motivate us to change our current choices?  If wars, climate change and pandemics can't awaken us to other possibilities, what can?  When will we shift our attention from the events and devices that entertain and distract us from what is Real?

How often do you give undivided attention to others?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Zits, Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman,
November 1, 2020)

As I listen and watch -- even when I interact with others -- I am trying to practice an exercise of asking myself questions:

• Was that an assumption or opinion?
• Is that conclusion closing off dialogue and possibilities?
• Did I just hear facts and data about that person or event? 

Listening more carefully and learning to analyze the information I am absorbing, has helped me to see how many decisions are based on assumptions, opinions, and expectations.  When I slow down and peel away the information and its source, I see reactions and unfounded or untethered messages biased by competing perspectives.

When do you feel empathy for others?
(Photo:  La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona, Spain,
Larry Gardepie, 2019)

It is disturbing to realize how much of my life has been on autopilot or reactionary.  Reflecting on these thoughts, I remembered a situation in third grade.  Our teacher, Mrs. Ruby Woodward, was the first Black teacher in our school.  I noticed her skin color, true -- but I loved her look on life and her enthusiasm.  I hadn't absorbed the lessons of discrimination or differences at that point in my life.  One day, as I was opening our classroom door outward, the door hit her young son, Timmy, in the face.  His glasses broke and his forehead began bleeding from the cut he received.

 

I was disturbed that I had hurt someone, especially my favorite teacher's son. After taking her son to the nurse, Mrs. Woodward took me aside and consoled me: explaining how accidents happen; I wasn't to blame; I wouldn't be punished.  What I experienced was kindness, compassion... and that her son had red blood just like mine when I was hurt.

 

In that moment the seeds of empathy were planted, and the knowledge that we can choose to understand, to have compassion, and to be kind.  We can make these choices every day... if we distinguish data and facts from assumptions, opinions, and false conclusions.

 
Through dialogue this week may we stop or hinder disturbing trends and move towards choices of kindness, empathy, and compassion.  May we distinguish what is real as we accept our common humanity.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Facts or...

I've always enjoyed math and science!  There is something reassuring when math problems have solutions, and where we can explore questions about our world.  For me, having some level of trust in math and science became very real this past Friday: I found myself in the Emergency Room!

Professionalism, education, and compassion came together as doctors and nurses provided care and reassurance as they observed, asked questions, and applied their knowledge to my situation.

I am home and doing well, but I am left with many questions about this World Divided, a world needing and seeking healing.

When are facts real?
Click on comic to to enlarge
(Photo credit: Family Circus by Bill Keane, 10/28/20)

 For instance, I wonder about:

• Can we have a dialogue about the facts?  (As Billy asks his mother, "Will two plus two always equal four?")
• How can we listen to another person's experience... without minimizing that experience?
• Are we willing to be patient as we explore questions and situations where solutions may be very complex and seemingly elusive?

And, what happens when we receive new information that has the potential to change our perceptions:

• Are we able to  change our conclusions about that person or situation?

What happens when your definitions are challenged?
Click on comic strip to enlarge
(Photo credit:  Pickles by Brian Crane, 10/26/20)

 
Rather than readily -- or automatically -- absorbing another person's opinions or social posts, maybe the challenge is to become personally engaged in the process of curiosity:

• What don't I know?
• Can I become open towards exploration?
• Am I willing to Birth the Truth that emerges from our relationship?

How do you adjust your perceptions?
Click on comic to enlarge
(Photo credit  Pluggers by Rick McKee, 10/16/20)

Moving through my ER experience this week, I could not rely on my general knowledge of math and science.  Instead, I realized that healing in my situation required that I trust the people who have pursued medical solutions.  I was not asked to give up my role in my recovery.  Listening to their knowledge and experience, I was being educated on how my life could improve.  I had a choice: am I willing to listen, learn, and heal?

 

As we move past Election 2020, the Dialogue invitation is similar:  to practice -- to try on -- the attributes of:

• Humility:  I don't have all the answers.
  
• Exploration:  I am open to new possibilities.
  
• Acceptance:  I am willing to change my perspective.
  
• Loving:  I care for and can show compassion towards all people.
  

 
Healing will take place if we work together to build up... rather than tear down.

 

 

May peace reign in our hearts this week! 

 

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)