Being Kind... A Wor[l]d Apart

Just wondering: when you hear the word, Kind, what goes through your mind?  What is your definition of Kindness?  How does a Kind Person behave?  Is a Kind Person considered strong or weak?

These thoughts went through my mind as I reflected on the contrast between various Kindness memes posted on Facebook and the reality of how some people express themselves in the Comments section of Facebook or on X ("formerly know as Twitter").

How do you respond when there are disagreements?
(Photo credit:  Facebook download)

Sometimes, there is a harshness and an accusatory nature to people's interactions online and in the written word.  What is off-putting:  The words?  The tone?  The labeling?

Kindness?  Am I missing the kindness in a person's raw honesty?  Or is kindness absent when we disagree?

Do you choose to be kind... all the time?
(Photo credit:  Banksy, Facebook download)

You can see that I have a lot of questions when it comes to What We Say and What We Do!  Oftentimes, kindness, respect, and understanding are missing when we disagree.  We protect ourselves from the other...Person? Ideas? Actions?

The phrase "I guess we agree to disagree" -- even when said kindly -- recognizes the barrier between us.

How do you make others feel?
(Photo credit: Winnie the Pooh Addict, Facebook download)

The dictionary lists many synonyms for Kind and Kindness -- compassionate, generosity, sympathy, tenderness -- but only one antonym -- cruel.

The choice might be very simple as we meet others and listen to their differing experiences:

• Do we want to show compassion... or cruelty?
• Do we want to be generous... or selfish?
• Do we want to sympathize... or ignore their humanity?

The contrasts are stark when looking at words and actions this way:  we may be words and worlds apart!

 We have a choice today: To Be Kind... or Not!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

The Gift of Small

There is something about drawbridges that fascinates me: the various designs to raise and lower sections of a bridge; the duality of allowing land-based and water-based transportation to share the right-of-way; and the simple methods of road barriers and lights to stop traffic and to signal when it is safe to proceed.

I assumed drawbridges allowed larger ships to pass up or down a river or waterway.  Recently, when a drawbridge went up on the intracoastal highway, I scanned up and down the waterway for a large ship... and was surprised to see a small vessel with a tall mast stopping all the traffic!

The focus wasn't on how big the vessel was but on its need to move beyond the barrier.

When do you open up?
(Photo: Drawbridge on Intracoastal Waterway
- Larry Gardepie)

Stepping back, I began to reflect on times in my life when small actions achieved great results:  a smile; offering a seat on the bus to another person; saying hello to a stranger (an "unknown new-friend") as I passed by.

And there were many times when people reached out with a caring hand:

• After graduate school I had a sizable credit card balance and school debt.  A friend offered money -- a no interest loan -- to help me get established.
• A family member listened when I needed support.
• A work colleague showed me how to be a better supervisor.
  

In each case, a seemingly small action opened a Right-of-Way of shared peace and understanding.  It was safe to proceed.

How do you clean up dead growth?
(Photo - Fish Pedicure - Larry Gardepie)

In some ways our world seems backwards to me: we expect big results, large bonuses, and huge successes.  Our financial markets demand record profits to be labeled "Successful."  People with money seek more money.  We have moved away from Seeing Needs to Filling Wants.

Maybe it's the Gift of Small that is more important for us these days:

• Being kind to another person.
• Looking for the positive in others.
• Seeking reconciliation and forgiveness.

It's the beauty of walking humbly that transforms us into grace-filled people who can fly above the desires to be great.

Are you ready to be transformed?
(Photo: Monarch Caterpillar - Larry Gardepie)

In the words of St. Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy. 

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love. 

For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Let us pray for the Gift of Small this week -- beginning with a smile and kindness to others.  Amen.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Disturb: To Stop Or Hinder

Disturbing is my word of the day!  Reading or watching the news... listening to people as they describe their COVID experiences... wondering about our future together...Disturbing!

In addition, I have been watching the Ken Burn's documentary, The U.S. and the Holocaust.  Watching and listening to the world of the 1930s and 1940s and comparing to the language and actions of today... Disturbing!

Do you expect or want others to agree with you?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Blondie, Dean Young and John Marshall,
February 6, 2021)

It seem that our human intellect can rationalize and protect almost anything... even harm to others.  One redeeming quality that we possess is Choice, that ability to watch, listen and choose another course of action.

I wonder what it will take, though, to motivate us to change our current choices?  If wars, climate change and pandemics can't awaken us to other possibilities, what can?  When will we shift our attention from the events and devices that entertain and distract us from what is Real?

How often do you give undivided attention to others?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Zits, Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman,
November 1, 2020)

As I listen and watch -- even when I interact with others -- I am trying to practice an exercise of asking myself questions:

• Was that an assumption or opinion?
• Is that conclusion closing off dialogue and possibilities?
• Did I just hear facts and data about that person or event? 

Listening more carefully and learning to analyze the information I am absorbing, has helped me to see how many decisions are based on assumptions, opinions, and expectations.  When I slow down and peel away the information and its source, I see reactions and unfounded or untethered messages biased by competing perspectives.

When do you feel empathy for others?
(Photo:  La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona, Spain,
Larry Gardepie, 2019)

It is disturbing to realize how much of my life has been on autopilot or reactionary.  Reflecting on these thoughts, I remembered a situation in third grade.  Our teacher, Mrs. Ruby Woodward, was the first Black teacher in our school.  I noticed her skin color, true -- but I loved her look on life and her enthusiasm.  I hadn't absorbed the lessons of discrimination or differences at that point in my life.  One day, as I was opening our classroom door outward, the door hit her young son, Timmy, in the face.  His glasses broke and his forehead began bleeding from the cut he received.

 

I was disturbed that I had hurt someone, especially my favorite teacher's son. After taking her son to the nurse, Mrs. Woodward took me aside and consoled me: explaining how accidents happen; I wasn't to blame; I wouldn't be punished.  What I experienced was kindness, compassion... and that her son had red blood just like mine when I was hurt.

 

In that moment the seeds of empathy were planted, and the knowledge that we can choose to understand, to have compassion, and to be kind.  We can make these choices every day... if we distinguish data and facts from assumptions, opinions, and false conclusions.

 
Through dialogue this week may we stop or hinder disturbing trends and move towards choices of kindness, empathy, and compassion.  May we distinguish what is real as we accept our common humanity.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

A Heart That Listens

Have you heard the phrase "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?  Recently, I read  that this saying first appeared in Greek in the 3rd century BC.  The saying did not surface in English in its current form until the 19th century.  There were similar versions as people over the centuries attempted to explain the subjective nature of what we like or don't like.

I wonder:  does Beauty Exist... whether we see it or not... and we have the personal choice to experience it or not?

Are we able to see beauty?
(Photo credit:  Michael Tompkins)

In other words, our seeing and accepting Beauty does not negate its existence.  Rather, our personal and individual choices filter the world:  we accept only a portion of the beauty that exists; there is so much more than what we hold in our limited and time-focused minds.

If this is true about Beauty, is it the same for Truth and Kindness and Goodness?  They exist, but our minds pass over what we do not understand.  Our finite lives experience what we are able to in that Moment of Choice.

Does beauty exist if we don't see it?
(Photo: Sunset at Sea, Larry Gardepie)

Dialogue is one tool that allows us to ask questions, to seek understanding, and to touch briefly another person's world... a world of Truth and Beauty that already existed even before our questions and understanding.  The passing over and resurrecting The Choice to see beauty invites us into opportunities to reconnect with family and friends.  The ability to Be Kind and Listen is the salve that heals our blindness to the Beauty, Truth, and Goodness that already existed in those around us.

When can your kindness heal the hearts of others?
(Quote attributed to:  F. Scott Fitzgerald)

May these Holy Days of Passover, Ramadan and Easter open our minds and eyes to the Holy One that exists in you and your families.

Blessings as faith stories are remembered and dialogue enkindles what is important. 
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)