Our Impact on Others: The Ripple Effect of Dialogue

It seems as if the country is in a bad state right now.  The anger, bitterness, unrest, accusations and misunderstandings that we have witnessed on a daily basis may not feel good -- no matter which side or perspective you identify with.

Questions that many people are asking - with cloudy or unclear answers:

• Where do we go from here?
• What kind of nation are we becoming?
• How do we overcome the intolerant emotions and actions that are rippling outward?

How often do we notice the outward ripple
of our words and actions?

I don't always notice the impact I have had on those around me.  Instead, I seem programmed to focus on my own wants, needs, and interests.  In moments of discord, I may begin to see the hurt and destruction I have had on relationships -- at home, at work, and in my community.  But, what about those other moments when I am not responding to hurt and separation?  Am I impacting others in positive ways as well?

Just think of our many roles (as parent, sibling, child, work colleague, friend, spouse, citizen):  Are we aware of how our words and actions -- influenced or seen through each role -- can positively effect those we meet?  A supervisor praising an employee has a different impact than unchecked criticism.  A spouse or partner saying and demonstrating, "I love you."  A parent gently and lovingly responding to a child.  A coworker cheering on our success.

I believe that each person has great power:  destructive power; healing power; power to influence a different outcome.

When will we sit and listen, with the
intention of understanding?

But, it seems that too many chairs are left empty:  times and places where we are invited to sit down and ask questions, questions rising from a genuine curiosity about another person's perspective.  Instead, in my experience and limited perspective, it seems that questions are asked to trap the other person or prove our way of thinking.

I wonder, as we contemplate the earlier questions of future direction and who we want to become, maybe it is time to sit down, relax, and allow our curiosity to rise within:

• What are your thoughts about...?
• How did you come to your understanding of...?
• Where do you think we can go from here...?
• What frightens you about the future...?

And, after asking these questions, the challenge is to remain seated... and listen, truly listen, to the wonder of another way of seeing and experiencing life.  We don't need to decide "who is right" and "who is wrong."  Instead, maybe it is time to just listen, and ask more questions.

If we accept this invitation, we might be led to letting go of our duality:  the duality of competition, conquest, and rightness/wrongness.  Is that so frightening?

Can  we at least celebrate our different views?

The individual challenge for each of us at this point in our country's history -- and the communal response to recent events -- requires that each one of us decides:

• Am I happy with the current discourse?
• What does Other mean to Me?
• Can I remain in relationship with those I don't understand?
• Am I willing to positively influence the future?

The fact is:  we impact each other - whether we notice the impact or not.  Our words and actions ripple outward and touch many lives.  Let us make a decision this week to create a positive ripple of caring and understanding.  I must decide -- we must decide -- to become the change we seek in the world, Our World.

Peace to you this week!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

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