Navigating relationships has sometimes been difficult for me since I am fundamentally shy and introverted. There seems to be so much uncertainty, so much left to the likes and dislikes of others. I always wondered if there was a 'trick' to making friends, an initiation rite or test that had to be passed in order to be accepted.
Almost like when someone holds up a hand and asks how many fingers do you see? Isn't the answer obvious? Is this a trick question? What does the person expect? 'Four fingers and a thumb' or 'Five fingers'? Am I going to be judged by my answer?
|How many fingers do you see?|
People trying to help us... others hurting us. There is a wide spectrum between these extremes, oftentimes based on how we see, experience, and understand the intentionality of the other person. It seems that words and actions, conscious and unconscious, come in and out of focus as we listen and become more aware of Self and Other.
|There are tools to help us see clearly|
By practicing the Dialogue Skills, I am learning that I have a free choice in how I see and respond. (See Dialogue San Diego posting of January 29, 2017 to review the Dialogue Skills.) It is a matter of using these tools daily to slow down, notice and accept that my assumptions and interpretations may be blurring or hiding the facts. This situation may require asking more questions before I respond. Maybe I need to invite the other person to share her/his perspective. Maybe there is no need to respond in the moment, but simply to listen and try to understand.
|Our choice is whether or not we use these tools|
to see clearly our family, friends, and coworkers
- Will we listen to advice that is meant to help?
- Will we use the tools to see more clearly who we are, who others are, and how to remain in relationship?
- Will we allow others to help us move through the dark and restrictive times of life?
May this week open up times to sit quietly, to listen to words of encouragement, to see more clearly, and to make a choice to trust!
Dialogue San Diego Consulting