Inside the Lines?

As a child, I remember my parents and teachers telling us to color inside the lines of the drawing.  Later on, as a second grade teacher, I instructed my students the same way... "Stay inside the lines."  (I found out later this was about hand-eye coordination and developing small motor skills.)

Even when we "lined up" outside the classroom, we were expected to line up in straight lines.  As a shorter student, this often meant I couldn't see anything in front of us!

Finally, one of our teachers had us line up in order of height -- smaller in front, taller in back.  I could now see what was in front of me, but suddenly I realized I was the third shortest boy in the class!  (Rules bring awareness!)

Do you stay "inside the lines" (follow the rules)?
(Photo credit:  Coloring Inside the Lines, Derrick Hurst)

For those of us who were taught how to drive, we learned the Rules of the Road... how to stay inside the proper lanes... when to indicate our next action... how fast we were expected to go (or not go!).

As a Country of Law and Order, these earlier SCRs (Socially Constructed Realities) molded and defined us.  We knew what to do and what was expected of us.  We were kept safe by these overlayering SCRs.

How many rules do you follow religiously?
(Photo:  San Diego Freeway - Larry Gardepie)

I believe it is healthy to have conversations about these rules, expectations, and constructed realities.  They provide context for our societal interactions.  And, as society changes, we must address new realities and guidelines.

What is disappointing, though, is how these norms are being reversed unilaterally... without discussion or input from the affected populations.  We bludgeon The Other with our own unwritten biases and self-rules.  We are Right -- They are Wrong.

Did you hear the invitation to dialogue... and listen?
(Photo credit:  Pope Leo XIV, Vatican News)

As world leaders change, there is an understanding that priorities might shift.  But did you notice the differences in how media sources covered the transition in U.S. politics and the death of Francis I, the mourning period, and the days of decision-making that culminated in the announcement of Leo XIV?

Pope Leo has called us to love, to dialogue... and to listen.  Are we ready to accept this invitation?

SCRs and the world order may be changing, but questions for us:

• Can we indicate our next actions with dignity and respect for the other?
• Whether inside or outside the lines, can we work toward trust and unity?
• How do we develop the skills to dialogue with and listen to differing viewpoints?
  

Each person holds the answers to these questions.  How do you respond?

Reminder:  Rules and Dialogue bring Awareness.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

What Rules Do You Play By?

I was upset about something our neighbor was doing the other day:  How could he be so inconsiderate?  Doesn't he realize the affect it has on his neighbors?  And what about the damage he is doing to the hedge that separates our properties?  Doesn't he care?

These thoughts and questions were coursing through my mind and causing tension in my body.  Then, another set of questions began to form:  I wonder if he knows how I feel about this issue... or the hedge?

What rules have you learned?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Pearls Before Swine, Stephan Pastis)

As I began to slow down and consider a different line of thinking, I realized that my family made decisions based on our neighbors -- asking them questions, checking to see if this change might upset them.  And, when it came to plants along the property lines, I remember listening to my dad as he talked to the neighbors about what they liked or didn't like.  In fact, part of the discussion included who would be responsible for the plants - watering, fertilizing, pruning and weeding.

My parents' approach might have been influenced by their Midwestern values, or that my father grew up on a farm where neighbors helped one another, or that we had 6 children who could easily disrupt the tranquility of our neighborhood!

Are there rules you disagree with others?
(Photo credit: Algorithm Could Predict Fights Between
Couples Before They Happen, The Telegraph)

Through my earlier lived experiences and observations I have accumulated a set of "rules" that make sense to me.  These SCRs (socially constructed realities) may be based on family, neighborhoods, culture, nationalities, and education.  As I stormed on in my mind about my current neighbor, I wondered which of My Rules were being challenged:

• Were these rules known and common to everyone?
• Was he aware of how I felt or what I was concerned about?
• How might we come to understand or agree upon Rules Shared?

What rules do you follow or not follow?
(Photo: Old Town, San Diego, Larry Gardepie)

Ever so slowly I looked beyond the immediate rule-setting and rule-following:  I began to realize that I might be more of a Rule Follower than a Rule Challenger... and I see others through lenses of my expectations and assumptions.

 

I wonder if that is what is happening in our society these days:

• Are we willing to listen for the rules, expectations and assumptions projected on others?
• Can we dialogue about the Learned Rules that separate us and seek out Shared Values that connect us?
  
•  How might we remove lenses that obscure what we see so that we might understand more clearly?

May we honor the rules that have shaped and guided us, but may these rules also be challenged and discussed so that we adjust what is relevant and shared today.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

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