Hope Happens: A Decision to Listen

I created a series of business cards this past year announcing Dialogue San Diego.  In sharing these cards with friends and acquaintances, it has been interesting to notice which cards are selected.  The favorites seem to be the ones with a photo of a Zen Garden, a set of stone steps descending, or two empty deck chairs.

I wonder what attracts us to what we like?  Or, when we are in a difficult situation, what keeps us locked in or set apart?  It seems that humans make hundreds, if not thousands, of judgments and decisions each day!  How do we know what we consider to be 'right' for us or what we like or don't like?  I have found in my life that some choices change depending on the situation.  Do they for you?

Who would you want to sit with?

The photo of the two deck chairs is probably my favorite!  The story behind the photo:  a few years ago, a friend and I were staying at a lodge on the Kenai Peninsula (Alaska).  At various times throughout the day, we would spend time on this deck sitting, talking, sharing the day's events... and listening... to the wind rustling in the forest below, to the birds chirping as they flew overhead, and to one another.  Whenever I see this picture, fond memories surface... as well as a sense of peace.  This photo reminds me that we are in relationship through dialogue: the act of being... sharing, listening, and reflecting.

When do you choose to sit apart?

I also know there are times when I have chosen to sit apart from others:

• When trying to unravel my thoughts;
• When needing to be still and listen to an Inner Voice;
• When in a difficult situation where I cannot move or don't know how to respond; or,
• When in pain and unable to share that moment.

It seems that there are times when words cannot express what we are thinking and feeling.  Dialogue invites us to notice... and when we are able, to share our thoughts and feelings.

How long have your chairs sat empty and unused?

This past week, while in Portland on a business trip, the region was hit with another snow and ice storm.  Offices were shut down: 'Local Employees' in my company could not get in to work; 'Remote Employees' -- like myself who were in town for a few days -- trekked across the icy block from the hotel to the corporate offices.  During one trip when I had to walk slowly and deliberately for fear of slipping on the ice, I photographed  a scene of snow-covered chairs.  I wondered when the last time someone sat in this place.  I wondered how often sitting apart has separated me from people I know, love, or don't understand.  I wondered how fear keeps us going along the icy pathways of our lives, instead of sitting, listening, and being warmed by the presence of another.  And, I wondered if there are scenes we don't see just because we don't slow down. 

This musing captured me the rest of the day.  There were times when I would become silent... and I knew it was time to explain my thoughts.  There were times when I missed what another person said... and I knew it was time to listen more deeply.  There were times when I didn't understand another person... and I knew it was time to ask clarifying questions.

I found that when I moved away from my inward tendencies and attempted to explain my reasoning or ask the other person for clarification, we were connected.  Dialogue began.  It was as if our inner thoughts, judgments, and decisions -- when shared -- moved us from  separation to relationship.  Hope happened!

When do you see the Sacred in the Other?

It is through dialogue -- talking, listening, and reflecting -- that we are attracted, even in difficult situations, to the Sacred Worth and Value of the other person.

Our invitation this week is to consider:

• Who do you want to sit with?
• Is there something you want to say?  To hear?
• How do you enter dialogue: expecting you know or anticipating surprise?

May this week open us to hope... as we make a decision to listen and as we seek the Sacred Within!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Adjusting to the New Year: Diving into Contrasts

I am proud of myself!  I haven't written 2016 all week!  But, to be honest, in many other ways I am having a hard time with this new year.  The constant news of transition planning - with the objective to erase one person's legacy for another, and the incessant pushing and pulling of differing visions... as if one way is Right and another is Wrong...  I am at a loss of how this is important in our daily lives.  I guess I am seeking truth and struggling with perspective.

Can you help?  Maybe read the following, and let me know what you think.

In his most recent book, Last Testament: In His Own Words, Benedict XVI was asked about the difference between the goals in his pontificate and those of the current pope, Francis.  The reporter's question sought to compare and contrast, to provide distinction and opposition.  I found Benedict's response intriguing:
 
"If one isolates things, takes them out of context, one can construct opposites, but not if one looks at the whole.  There may be a different emphasis, but no opposition."

What draws your attention?
(Westfield San Francisco Centre)

Does this mean that we spend too much time looking for separate and contrasting views rather than seeking the meaning and importance of the whole?  Does it mean that we tend to focus on those who agree with us rather than on the overall journey of Discovery, no matter where it leads?  I wonder what it would be like to train ourselves to seek a more expansive view?

In the past, I found the following questions important as I transitioned from one year to the next - I guess, a way to compare and contrast my experiences:

• What did I accomplish last year?
• Where would I like to be at the end of this new year?

But I wonder what it would be like to step back and ask a different set of questions?

• What values do I choose to live by?... followed by...  What values are important to you?
• How might my life have meaning?... followed by...  Can I tell you how meaningful you are in my life?

Are you ready to suspend judgment?
(Under the Dome, San Francisco Centre)

It seems that when I move away from MY way of looking at the world, I begin to see anew a broader and more exciting world:  Home.  It may mean that... A tree can be suspended upside down...  A child can provide wise counsel...  Another person can hold valid truths that may differ from my own.  It may mean that we need one another: for separately, I am alone and talking to myself, but together, I am ready to journey with you.  It may mean that dialogue encourages The Parts to become The Whole.  With dialogue, Right and Wrong become meaning-less words; and we become more open to and seek out the meaning-filled Truth in each other.

Dialogue invites us to adjust to the new Paths ahead.  It does not mean that we let go of the values or visions that have sustained us.  Rather, dialogue asks that we withhold judgment and conclusions as we listen for the Depth of Truth that permeates the whole of Life.  It is as if we are called to dive into the Unknown together... knowing that together, we will be surprised when we arrive!

Are you ready to plunge to new depths?
(Mazatlan cliff divers)

Questions to ponder this week:

• What do you like about yourself?... followed by...  What do you like about [insert Person's Name]?
• When do you feel alone and listening only to yourself?... followed by... When do you feel together and in dialogue with another?
• How might you adjust your view about Self and Other?.... followed by... How might you seek out the views of others? 

 
May the challenges of this new week allow you to dive into the depths of who You are - and who We are together!  (BTW: I am interested in hearing what you think!)

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Perspectives: What Choices Will We Make in 2017?

I remember when I was young and walking with my parents in a another part of our town.  We passed a front yard that was filled with corn, beans, tomatoes... and weeds.  I commented to my parents how 'messed up' the yard looked!  Mom asked me why I thought that, and I recall answering that it didn't look right... it wasn't like our house!  Dad always made sure our yard was well-kept and weeded.  Everything had a place: the front yard had lawn and flowers; the back yard had the vegetable garden; and by the end of the day, my siblings and I were expected to put our bikes and toys away.  That's the way it was supposed to be, right?

Mom, ever-patient... okay, mostly-patient with six young children!...  explained that the beauty of life is that people do things differently, and there is nothing wrong with having a vegetable garden in the front yard.  (Later in life, I learned that 'weeds' were just 'misplaced plants'!)

A Wish for 2017:
May we be open to other perspectives

At that young age, I was already comparing how our family lived... and had assumed it was The Right Way!  That reality came from my observation.  My parents never told me that vegetable gardens belonged only in the back yard:  I made up that rule!

Since that early lesson, I have been amazed at how often I quickly come to judgment about another person.  Where do I pick up so many certainties? 

A Dream for 2017:
May we go high when times seem low
(Jacob's Dream: A Luminous Path; Grace Cathedral, San Francisco)

Flash forward 30 years: I recall going through diversity training at work.  The facilitator talked about 'Taste of Home' experiences when we travel:  like seeing a McDonald's in a foreign city and suddenly feeling comfortable.  It seems that when we encounter something new or different, we inwardly desire something familiar... that follows our set of rules.

Each New Year creates a sense of beginning, hope, and resolutions.  But, it seems that we also want to cling to the familiarity of what we know and believe.

Questions I have for us in 2017:

• How will we move forward after such a disturbing election cycle when the country is so divided in opinions and beliefs?
• What new ideas or decisions will become disturbing to us?
• Where will we seek familiarity?

A Choice for 2017:
May we choose to live in hope
(World Tree of Hope, San Francisco) 

Maybe it is time to draw on images of hope and dreams of peace.  While in San Francisco recently, I encountered two settings that rekindled hope and peace for me:

• Jacob's Dream: A Luminous Path (Grace Cathedral) - an illuminated ladder with images of a human ascending and an angel descending, struggling together.
• World Tree of Hope (City Hall) - a Christmas tree bedecked with white paper cranes that had been decorated by people throughout the world with messages of hope

These artistic displays reminded me of the practice of Contemplative Dialogue and Dynamic Dialogue:

• I have a choice to slow down and notice when I am listening or seeing only one [my] perspective.
• I have a choice to be compassionate and non-violent towards Self and Other.
• I have a choice to allow new and creative solutions to surface by including all peoples and their perspectives.

An Opportunity for 2017:
May the blank page of each day be filled with positive stories

May this new day in a new week of a new year provide wishes, dreams and choices of hope and peace!  Blessings to you!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting