Hope Happens: A Decision to Listen

I created a series of business cards this past year announcing Dialogue San Diego.  In sharing these cards with friends and acquaintances, it has been interesting to notice which cards are selected.  The favorites seem to be the ones with a photo of a Zen Garden, a set of stone steps descending, or two empty deck chairs.

I wonder what attracts us to what we like?  Or, when we are in a difficult situation, what keeps us locked in or set apart?  It seems that humans make hundreds, if not thousands, of judgments and decisions each day!  How do we know what we consider to be 'right' for us or what we like or don't like?  I have found in my life that some choices change depending on the situation.  Do they for you?

Who would you want to sit with?

The photo of the two deck chairs is probably my favorite!  The story behind the photo:  a few years ago, a friend and I were staying at a lodge on the Kenai Peninsula (Alaska).  At various times throughout the day, we would spend time on this deck sitting, talking, sharing the day's events... and listening... to the wind rustling in the forest below, to the birds chirping as they flew overhead, and to one another.  Whenever I see this picture, fond memories surface... as well as a sense of peace.  This photo reminds me that we are in relationship through dialogue: the act of being... sharing, listening, and reflecting.

When do you choose to sit apart?

I also know there are times when I have chosen to sit apart from others:

• When trying to unravel my thoughts;
• When needing to be still and listen to an Inner Voice;
• When in a difficult situation where I cannot move or don't know how to respond; or,
• When in pain and unable to share that moment.

It seems that there are times when words cannot express what we are thinking and feeling.  Dialogue invites us to notice... and when we are able, to share our thoughts and feelings.

How long have your chairs sat empty and unused?

This past week, while in Portland on a business trip, the region was hit with another snow and ice storm.  Offices were shut down: 'Local Employees' in my company could not get in to work; 'Remote Employees' -- like myself who were in town for a few days -- trekked across the icy block from the hotel to the corporate offices.  During one trip when I had to walk slowly and deliberately for fear of slipping on the ice, I photographed  a scene of snow-covered chairs.  I wondered when the last time someone sat in this place.  I wondered how often sitting apart has separated me from people I know, love, or don't understand.  I wondered how fear keeps us going along the icy pathways of our lives, instead of sitting, listening, and being warmed by the presence of another.  And, I wondered if there are scenes we don't see just because we don't slow down. 

This musing captured me the rest of the day.  There were times when I would become silent... and I knew it was time to explain my thoughts.  There were times when I missed what another person said... and I knew it was time to listen more deeply.  There were times when I didn't understand another person... and I knew it was time to ask clarifying questions.

I found that when I moved away from my inward tendencies and attempted to explain my reasoning or ask the other person for clarification, we were connected.  Dialogue began.  It was as if our inner thoughts, judgments, and decisions -- when shared -- moved us from  separation to relationship.  Hope happened!

When do you see the Sacred in the Other?

It is through dialogue -- talking, listening, and reflecting -- that we are attracted, even in difficult situations, to the Sacred Worth and Value of the other person.

Our invitation this week is to consider:

• Who do you want to sit with?
• Is there something you want to say?  To hear?
• How do you enter dialogue: expecting you know or anticipating surprise?

May this week open us to hope... as we make a decision to listen and as we seek the Sacred Within!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting