Picture This: What Do You See?

Family photos!  Vacation photos!  What do you notice about yourself when viewing or sharing photos?  I find that I get drawn in by the images... and, truthfully, I don't always fully listen to or remember the stories.  (Sorry to those who have shared their pix and stories!)  Instead, I notice that I retreat inward, create an alternative story about what I am viewing, and wonder what it was like to have lived that moment.  I enjoy the captured smiles, the laughter, and the Gift of Story:  memories and experiences frozen in time.

Let me share this first picture from a recent vacation.  What catches your attention?  What stories come to mind: Memories relived from your own experience?  Reminisces from other people?  Moments from television or a movie?  Or, do you make up your own version, an image of an 'island paradise'?

Waikiki Beach: a winter scene

I wonder if we are born Storytellers.  It seems that we add what we know or believe to the initial experience or image.  Then, assumptions and meaning are mixed in as we try to interpret and understand.

The baseline snapshot becomes a starting point for our fertile minds: the Story may grow in many different directions and dimensions very quickly.  It is as if Ready-Set-Go blends into one action as we traverse the varied dimensions of fact and truth, imagination and dreams, hope and aspiration... and more!
 

Same winter scene: from a new angle... What is different?

This second photo was taken on the same wintry day in Oahu as the first photo, but only a few minutes and several yards apart:

• The first photo:  a single view, facing westward;
• The second photo:  a panoramic view, facing north but capturing elements of west, north, and east.

Both show the same relative location but create entirely different images of a Waikiki moment.

I wonder, as we look around us at the places we visit and the people we encounter:

• How do we test what we are seeing and experiencing?
• What happens when we change our perspective?
• In what ways do we listen to and/or accept competing or differing views? 
• Are we willing to check out conclusions that may offer a distorted view of the facts?

Public 'Jenga' competition: choosing what facts
to pull, hoping the structure won't crash

I watched with fascination as four adults played Jenga with oversized wood blocks.  Each person carefully tested various pieces to determine which piece could be safely removed.  The actions of removing the piece and placing it on top of the structure were both important to maintain a balanced structure.

This reminded me of our Dialogue practice:

• Seeking opportunities to test assumptions.
• Inviting Self and Others to check out meanings and conclusions.
• Hoping that realities and relationships can remain balanced as we explore and discover new meaning.
• Accepting that we learn from mishaps, mistakes and falling structures.
• Holding lightly and with sacredness the experiences that bind us.  

May this week provide Jenga-moments of testing, risking, and learning!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Knock, Knock: The Choices of 'Who's There?'

Knock, Knock.  Anniversaries and memories: milestones of happy times... and moments where there were challenges and struggles.  Memories:  stories that we carry - like suitcases - along this Journey we call Life.

Six years ago this month I was in an unusual situation at work.  Decisions were made to promote another person instead of me.  The situation wasn't sinister.  It was about a choice:  Either - Or.  After the promotion was announced, events unraveled in an unexpected way; my options became limited; and the only path I could see ahead was to resign, ending a 23-plus year career at this institution.  History: stories and relationships ended.

For many weeks and months after I resigned, I would retell My Story, searching for a way to understand what happened and how I might have responded differently.  But I remained trapped in this dualistic (Either - Or) mindset.

Years later I came across this quote from Karl Valentin, a German actor, writer and comedian: "Today, I will pay myself a visit; I do hope that I'm at home."  A reminder that there is a choice: who will show up? 

We have a choice: who will show up?

Knock, Knock.  I've been doing fine for many years: being hired into a company who values my work contributions; focusing on lifelong relationships; and enjoying the study and practice of Dialogue.  I have realized that Choice is not always based on Either-Or.  There are many situations where we are called to Both - And solutions.

Then came last week!  I arrived at a restaurant where I was meeting a friend, and, from a distance, I saw one of the people who was involved in the work situation of six years ago.  The memories returned full force, the suitcases opened, and my baggage in relation to The Story were unpacked!  (Isn't it amazing how quickly we can remember and relive our pasts?)

We have a choice: can we sit quietly and reflect?

Knock, Knock.  As I sit and reflect, I wonder who I will find at my home... and with what baggage?  The person I am now -- or -- the person I was six years ago? 

But, just maybe, the answer is not what I expect.  Maybe I am Both-And... plus, Much More:  the Present-Person who has grown and changed; the Past-Person who doesn't understand the loss of years ago; and the Future-Person who is still learning, yearning, and waiting to arrive.

Another interesting quote from Karl Valentin:  "I really would have liked to love, but I didn't trust myself to allow it."

We have a choice: can we expand beyond
the baggage that weighs us down?

Knock, Knock?  Who's there?  Maybe the invitation for us this week is to consider who is at home and where love is allowed:

• Can I identify any triggers that unlock baggage I may carry?
• Are there any memories that weigh me down?
• How do I want to show up and be loved?  
  

May we be aware this week of the Both-And choices we are invited to make: showing up, loving who we are, and trusting ourselves to love and be loved!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Oblivious and Beyond: Am I Seen or Understood? Do I Seek to See and Understand?

Have you ever felt out of step with the world?  Forgotten?  Invisible?  Not valued?  I am sure many of us can relate to these feelings at some time in our lives!

Take for instance my invisible car.  There must be some reason why other drivers constantly pull out in front of my car or cut me off on the freeway:  the car must be invisible!

Or, maybe it is not the car... could it just be me?  That would explain why people bump into me without acknowledging that I was there or that we even had a mishap.  I am not seen or acknowledged!

Have you felt like you live on a different planet?

I experienced these moments recently on a trip.  Moments I now call Oblivious Moments:  times when one or more people live in Oblivion. 

Definition of Oblivion:

• The state of being completely forgotten or unknown;
• The state of forgetting or being oblivious.

Does the motion to get us through this frenetic and complex world require that we ignore or invalidate others?  Do we become oblivious to our surroundings so we can focus only on our goals and tasks?  Is it our way of surviving each day?
 

Have you felt ignored?

I am concerned at two levels:  it doesn't feel good to be invisible or forgotten, but I worry at how oblivious I might be to others!   Questions that I have been pondering this past week:

• How do I contribute to Oblivious Moments?
• Am I forgetting the sacredness that we each bring to our world?
• How might I remember your value?

Paradise: finding someone to share and value

As I have felt invisible and forgotten this week, I recall that Dialogue is an Invitation to become Invaluable.  Through:

• Awareness:  I notice my thoughts and feelings, and I seek to understand yours.
• Compassion:  I carry lightly those times we have forgotten our value.
• Interdependence:  I realize I need you... and I hope you need me as well.
• Creative Freedom:  we seek ways to survive and thrive together.

This week, may we seek to see and to understand.  May we not forget the Invaluableness of who we are!


 

Larry Gardepie
 Dialogue San Diego Consulting

When Your Day Doesn't Go As Planned

I am sure you've had days where it seems nothing goes quite like what you had planned or hoped for!  Well, let me tell you about one of my days... and what helped me survive!

Two days before leaving for an extended trip, I had mentally figured out what needed to get done and how much time it would take.  The steps were all do-able: the path was clear ahead.
 

The path looks clear, but...

One of the tasks was to stop by the pharmacy to pick up a prescription.  When I arrived, I discovered the pharmacist had not received the prescription from my doctor's office.  It was a Saturday!  I contacted the nurse on duty to explain the situation.  She took the relevant information, then she contacted the assigned weekend doctor.  He would not authorize the prescription without me going to Urgent Care to be seen by a doctor... even though I had been at my doctor's the previous day.

After driving to Urgent Care, signing in, waiting, being admitted to an exam room, waiting, explaining the situation to the doctor, going through the exam, and receiving the prescription, I was now back at the pharmacy... to find out the pharmacist was on a break for the next 30 minutes!  More waiting!  Almost three hours after the initial errand to pick up the prescription, I had the medication in hand.  Nothing earth-shattering, but now it was time to pick up the pieces of shattered plans and less time to prepare for the upcoming trip.

Yes, I am sure you can match this story with several of your own!  But the real question for all of us isn't how to survive these detours, but how we might thrive in this ever-changing and complex world?  How do we practice dialogue by remaining in the stances (Contemplative Dialogue: contemplative noticing or mindfulness, nondefended learning, and nonviolence; Dynamic Dialogue: awareness, compassion, creative freedom, and interdependence)?

There are many options to redirect us...

I can assure you, at the beginning of this 3-hour journey, I was being challenged by anger, frustration, blame and a myriad of other thoughts and emotions.  It wasn't until I was driving to Urgent Care that I had time to slow down and reflect on the situation: the pharmacist's assistant who listened and did as much as she could to help; the nurse who listened and provided caring support; the doctor who rightfully did not prescribe medication without records of an earlier exam; and a dear friend who offered to pick up the travel preparations.
 

As we choose another path ahead.

I realized that I was the one having the problem.  Once I became aware of the blockage in myself, I was determined to approach the Urgent Care personnel with understanding and compassion.  Texting a loved one, taking lightly the situation, and being aware of the violence I had been causing in the pre-Urgent Care hour helped to realign my thoughts and actions.  And the day before I left town... everything was done... with time to spare... and with a thankful heart for the creative ways that others helped.  Maybe next time there is a slight detour, I might slow down earlier and realize how good life is!

Questions to ponder when we encounter the unexpected:

• Am I focused only on my plans, thoughts, and actions?
• Am I aware of the plans and needs of others?
• Am I aware of how others may be  encountering similar detours and frustrations?
• Am I willing to relax and take lightly the situation?
• Am I willing to ask for help?  To give help?

Maybe this detour is the path we were meant to take, to meet new people, and to hear their stories! 

May the diversions from this week's planned activities provide unexpected opportunities and blessings!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting