What Do You See? What Do You Imagine? (Part 3 of 3)

By assembling puzzles as a family (click here to read Part 1 of 'What Do You See? What Do You Imagine?') and working with a non-profit's management team (click here to read Part 2), I have come to realize how important it is to become aware of what I known and what I imagine.  In this process of noticing, I am challenged to distinguish between facts, observations and assumptions, and I am encouraged to lay out these pieces on the table... for everyone to see and share.  Once these pieces of Knowledge and Meaning have been identified and sorted, we are invited to work together:  asking questions; checking out what we know and assume; and assembling a picture much more expansive than any one perspective.

This practice of identifying and sharing facts, observations, and assumptions, plus the added dimension of asking questions for clarity and understanding, will create a still deeper awareness that,

• Currently, some pieces may be absent; and,
• For some time in the future, the full picture may remain unknown.  

Thus, accepting both Absence and Fullness invites us to transition from a Problem-solving Mindset (reaching a goal; looking for what is missing; moving toward a finished product) to an outlook of Presence and Journey (how we live and work together; how our individual pieces create a whole; how we respond when we find ourselves caught between absence and fullness).

How might we shift from completing the final scene...
toward the discovery of the missing pieces' importance?
(A portion of a Thomas Kinkade puzzle)

After the five management team members assembled their individual sections (sky and treetops; a country house and trees; several village houses; a Celtic cross, a portion of a stone bridge, and water; a path leading to a another portion of the bridge), there was still a Hole in the picture: the picture was not Whole.

As the facilitator, I held back several pieces of the puzzle.  I wanted to see whether the team could imagine the final outcome without these few pieces.  By this point in the exercise, the management team could see the country village landscape, and a few assumed the missing pieces finished off the roof line of the village.  Accurate as this guess might have been, it was not complete.   The missing pieces formed the church's steeple - giving a specific meaning to that missing roof line.
 

What pieces are missing in your Life Puzzle?
The answer may be different for each of us!
(A portion of a Thomas Kinkade puzzle)

I was not making a point about church or religion.  I could have held back any four pieces to demonstrate: any one of us may consciously or subconsciously hold back information that could change the overall tenor or meaning of a discussion or decision.  The pieces in our possession may be as important as changing the meaning of a word:  adding W to hole changes the word to Whole... a new word, a whole new meaning!

I wonder... do you think that we can individually... and collectively... slow down, and ask:

• What am I missing?  What are you missing?  What are we missing together?
• What do I have?  What do you have?  What do we have together?
• What have I not shared?  What have you not shared?  What have we been unable to share together? 

It isn't until all pieces are shared and assembled
that we see clearly the landscape before us...
and the journey of how we got there!
(A Thomas Kinkade puzzle)

The answers to these questions may suggest that:

• Each person is important.
• What each person thinks, feels, and contributes is important.
• How we listen to and understand the facts, observations, and assumptions will affect the Absence and Fullness of any outcome. 

Thus, I would suggest, that we have a responsibility to engage in this journey of Discovery, sharing when we can the knowledge and understanding about this beautiful world we cohabit... together!


May this week allow times to discover absent pieces, bringing you and your loved ones to a Whole-y Life Puzzle!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

What Do You See? What Do You Imagine? (Part 2 of 3)

[Click here to read Part 1 of 'What Do You See?  What Do You Imagine?'.]

Five members of a management team; five small envelopes, one for each person.  Over the course of several weeks, each team member was instructed to:

• Assemble the contents of her/his envelope.
• List what is known about the contents of the envelope.
• Try to imagine what was missing.
• And then meet in small groups to describe what was seen and imagined.

By the end of the few weeks, four of the team members had seen three of the five sections of a jigsaw puzzle, and one person had seen four of the five sections.  Up until we met as a training group, no one had seen the whole puzzle.  What do you think happened?

What do I see in this section of the puzzle?
(A portion of a Thomas Kinkade puzzle)

As we gathered together to talk about what was seen and imagined, it was mentioned several times that the full picture was not clear or forthcoming.  Yes, by sharing facts (what was known), observations (what was noticed or perceived), and assumptions (what was imagined or speculated), individuals could piece together possibilities...  but no one could accurately describe the final landscape.  Do you find that unusual?

Comparing this new section with the first picture,
Can you imagine what the whole picture reveals?
(A portion of a Thomas Kinkade puzzle)

Some of the facts, observations and assumptions shared were similar, but the majority of what was revealed was unique to one person.  Each section focused on a specific aspect of the overall puzzle:  one person had the sky and treetops; another person seemed to have a country house and trees; still another had several village houses; another, a Celtic cross, a portion of a stone bridge, and water; and one section showed a path leading to a another portion of a bridge.  Do you assume people see things as you do?

The picture is almost fully assembled:
Can you imagine the complete picture... with four pieces missing?
(A portion of a Thomas Kinkade puzzle)

I know I go through the day assuming I see the whole picture: I know what is Right or Wrong by accepting fragments of a news report (no matter what source I read or view); I readily advise people based only on their side of the story...  The list goes on and on!  It is as if my observations and assumptions become facts, and I act -- or react -- on portions of reality!  I choose to move forward based on my personal section of the truth.  And, sadly, I miss the pieces of truth that you are gently holding onto, not even realizing there is a hole in my perceptions.  Our puzzle is incomplete.

Just imagine what life would be like if we relied on each other to share facts, observations and assumptions... in a manner that invited questions to be asked:

• How do you see this situation?
• What has been your experience?
• Why is this important to you?

If we could sift through and agree upon what is known and ask questions to help us understand what was noticed, perceived and speculated, maybe we could imagine a future picture that includes all of what is viewed and experienced.  Together, we could assemble our individual sections and begin to experience a much larger Truth.  What are your thoughts?

May this week present all of us opportunities to see and imagine a picture that includes all pieces of Life's Puzzle!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

What Do You See? What Do You Imagine? (Part 1 of 3)

My family owned dozens of jigsaw puzzles over the years.  With six children to keep occupied, my parents would assist the younger kids, and offer the older children more challenging ways on how to assemble the puzzles.  Most of the time we would begin with the straight edges - to provide an initial dimension for the finished puzzle.  Sometimes my parents would suggest that we not look at the picture on the box and assemble like-colored sections first.  We would then connect the completed sections and add the straight edges at the end.  The most challenging proposal came from Dad:  to turn the puzzle pieces upside down (picture down), thus seeing only the cardboard backing.  Completing the puzzle this way required that we focus only on the shapes of the pieces; no other clues could help us.

I believe working together on a puzzle helped us develop analytical skills as well as support our emerging socialization skills:

• How to be patient... and get along.
• How to assign areas of the puzzle... and know each was trying their best.
• How to see a different perspective... and trust another person.

What do you see? 
 Sky?  Clouds?  Maybe treetops? 
(A portion of a Thomas Kinkade puzzle)

'Dad's Challenge,' though, seemed to test all of these budding skills: How do you delegate a portion of the puzzle when you can't see colors and patterns? How do you trust another person's work when both of you need a similar shaped piece?  How do you accept another perspective when only focused on facts determined by shape and not color?

Was Dad, so many years ago, foreseeing the complexity of this fast-paced, modern world by helping us observe and analyze in a different way: Tell me what you see.  What are you thinking and imagining?

Or, was this merely a cost-saving method of keeping us occupied?  Completing a familiar puzzle by changing the way to assemble it with a fresh beginning and outlook.  It beat buying more puzzles to keep us occupied!

What picture is emerging or can be imagined?
Sky? Clouds? Treetops? Houses?
(A portion of a Thomas Kinkade puzzle)

Dialogue, in a similar fashion, invites us to describe what we see (facts and observations) and test what we imagine might be the outcome (assumptions and meaning).  I believe a learned skill in Dialogue is to see what is behind the completed or imagined scene - to ask questions:

• What do I see?  The facts or observations as I understand them.
• What do I imagine?  The assumptions and meanings I create.
• What do I not see or imagine?  The questions that can check out the facts, observations, assumptions, and meanings assigned.

What did I not see or imagine earlier?
A bridge?  A stream?  A path?  Grass?  Flowers? 
(A portion of a Thomas Kinkade puzzle)

Jigsaw puzzles have always fascinated me!  Putting together one piece at a time, a new picture continuously emerges.  And just think: one idea or thought shared may change the perspective of how we all see the world!

Questions to consider this week:

• What facts or observations have you assembled about a loved one, friend, or colleague?
• What assumptions have you created or meanings assigned to their intentions?
• Can you accept that the full picture is incomplete... of who they are becoming?

May individual pieces of your Life Puzzle begin to come together this week as you imagine new possibilities!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Seeing Clearly: We Have A Choice

Wanting to fit in.  Being liked by everyone.  Having friends.  It seems this has been an early preoccupation of my life.  Maybe it still exists for some of us now that we are adults:  to belong.  I wonder if this is our primary occupation in life, how we choose to live our lives interconnected with others?

Navigating relationships has sometimes been difficult for me since I am fundamentally shy and introverted.  There seems to be so much uncertainty, so much left to the likes and dislikes of others.  I always wondered if there was a 'trick' to making friends, an initiation rite or test that had to be passed in order to be accepted.

Almost like when someone holds up a hand and asks how many fingers do you see?  Isn't the answer obvious?  Is this a trick question?  What does the person expect? 'Four fingers and a thumb' or 'Five fingers'?  Am I going to be judged by my answer?

How many fingers do you see?

I was worried in the fourth grade when I was sent to the Principal's Office for asking a friend what the teacher wrote on the blackboard.  I was confused when I found out I was not 'in trouble' but was asked to look at a chart and read the letters.  I was astonished when I tried on my first pair of prescription glasses and could see what others saw so clearly.  I was excited when I could see the blackboard so clearly.  But, then I was hurt and humiliated when the boys in my class called me 'Four Eyes', grabbed at my glasses, pushed me around to knock off the glasses.  I became the butt of jokes.  Was it wrong to be able to see?

People trying to help us... others hurting us.  There is a wide spectrum between these extremes, oftentimes based on how we see, experience, and understand the intentionality of the other person.  It seems that words and actions, conscious and unconscious, come in and out of focus as we listen and become more aware of Self and Other.

There are tools to help us see clearly

By practicing the Dialogue Skills, I am learning that I have a free choice in how I see and respond.  (See Dialogue San Diego posting of January 29, 2017 to review the Dialogue Skills.)  It is a matter of using these tools daily to slow down, notice and accept that my assumptions and interpretations may be blurring or hiding the facts.  This situation may require asking more questions before I respond.  Maybe I need to invite the other person to share her/his perspective.  Maybe there is no need to respond in the moment, but simply to listen and try to understand.

Our choice is whether or not we use these tools
to see clearly our family, friends, and coworkers

We have a choice in how we see our loved ones, co-workers, and friends.

• Will we listen to advice that is meant to help?
• Will we use the tools to see more clearly who we are, who others are, and how to remain in relationship?
• Will we allow others to help us move through the dark and restrictive times of life?

May this week open up times to sit quietly, to listen to words of encouragement, to see more clearly, and to make a choice to trust!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Hearing Dimly: Focusing Outwardly

Lay quietly... without moving... for 25 minutes... that's all I had to do.  Nothing more was asked of me.

I was in a sarcophagus-like tunnel of an MRI machine, the noisy whirring and clicking of the mechanism encircling my body.  Gradual loss of hearing in my left ear and tinnitus warranted this clinical imaging.  The doctors and specialists were searching for any detectable damage or explanation for not hearing clearly.

After just a few minutes of confinement, I wanted to wiggle my fingers and toes.  I needed to move!  It seemed so unnatural to lay quietly... not moving... for 25 minutes!  Then, I began worrying:  Would my nose begin to itch?  What would happen if I began coughing?  Did the nurse attach the contrast dye to the IV?  And I thought: I should have accepted the muscle relaxant!

Focus!  Breathe!   Lay quietly... without moving... for 25 minutes... that's all I had to do.

As the minutes ticked by, I marveled at the difficulty in focusing, even for such a brief time.  My body needed to move.   My mind wanted to give the okay: move; do something!  I worried about things that had not happened.  I wondered how much time was left.

MRI machine: imaging for better health

Lay quietly... without moving... that's all I had to do.

The platform began to move outward... the 25 minutes must be over!  Already?!  Nope... not yet.  The nurse attached the contrast dye to the IV... and I was soon returning to confinement... with a friendly reminder from the nurse:  lay quietly... without moving...

During this second half, I began to focus on the dialogue practice - how it can open us to similar experiences:

• We are invited to notice when we hear dimly, reserving compassion for those times when we realize we are not listening.
• We are invited to explore internal and external relationships - Self and Other, searching for ways to heal or improve.
• We are invited to slow down, seeking contrasts between what is thought, felt, said, and done.
• We are invited to examine what is binding us, moving outward from our inner confinements.

British Museum: inner wrappings, outer beauty

As I lay quietly, unmoving, a memory and an image came to mind.  The memory:  a friend and I had visited the Egyptian Gallery of the British Museum a few years ago.  The image: a mummy wrapped tightly, sitting next to its ornate burial sarcophagus.

How often do we lie wrapped up in our inner thoughts and worlds when outer expressions of beauty belie this confinement?  Maybe, if we open up to others by sharing our thoughts and feelings, explaining our thought processes -- followed by an invitation to sit silently and listen to a contrasting point of view, we could experience the  process of being released from confinement.

Outward Journey: from confinement and darkness
to expansiveness and light

I survived the 25 minutes of laying quietly and not moving, but my journey is not finished.  It is time to wait patiently for the results, and then move toward treatment or acceptance.  And, a much deeper lesson was learned:

Sit quietly... not moving... and listen... anticipating that the confinement may be temporary... if I but hear and focus outwardly.

Questions to consider this week:

• Where might I sit quietly, not moving, and listen?
• How might I invite different points of views to be expressed, allowing new thoughts, ideas, and experiences to offer contrast to what I think and believe?
• In what ways might I seek better relationships to improve my life?

May this journey from our inner bindings and confinement direct us to an outer expansiveness of beauty and healing in our lives!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting