Images: Who We Were and Are Becoming (Part 1)

Memory Lane... a street in Spring Valley, CA; a 2012 movie about a soldier who returns home from war, falls in love, and must relive the tragedy of his Lover's death; and a meandering reflection as I look back through past photos and stages of my life.  There are times in our lives where "Walking down Memory Lane" brings moments of insight about self, self-image, and our relationship with others.

Let's reflect back together...  What is your earliest photo or memory?

My parents kept my earliest photo in my Baby Album:  I was 11 hours old.  Of course, I don't remember those early days, but I often look at this photo and wonder about my parents and older brother:  What was it like for them to welcome a new member into their family?  What  was in store for them as Family was redefined?  Were there newborn promises and expectations as we walked through these first few days and years together?

An early photo or memory may cause us to revisit questions like Who am I?  and  Who will I become?

Self Image: Newborn Promises
Who will I become?

Another photo I cherish was taken at my maternal grandparents home in Iowa: my grandfather, great grandmother, older brother, Dad, [me] and Mom.  Family, promises, and dreams handed down through four generations.  (Even my grandparents' dog, Tiny, wanted to be memorialized in this photo!)  A photo and memories of Life and Midwestern Values passed on.

My childhood mind cannot quite recall this moment, but I do experience deep emotions whenever I revisit this photo:  family members long gone who shaped my early sense of self.

Another question rooted in the past:  Who and what is important to me?

Self Image: Four Generations
 Who is important to me?

Eventually my older brother and I would share our parents with four other siblings.  Individual personalities are hinted at in these frozen images: confidence; shyness; a twinkle in the eye; a mischievous grin.  Each person developing and becoming a unique Self.  (My youngest brother isn't in this photo, but he was on his way!)

Eventually, we began to realize that we were One-of-Many.  How fascinating when we become aware of others!  What we remember and the stories we tell about Self are now intertwined with a much larger narrative:  another person's perspective!

The questions we ask when in relationship: Will Self-in-Relationship be allowed to change?  and  Can we accept the newborn into an ever-changing Family?

Self Image: Siblings
I am one of many.

I am fascinated by early photos!  They describe the on-going story of who we were and are becoming:  People-in-Transition:

• What I remember... recalled through the veils of time and shadowed by my awakening.
• What others remember about me... seen through their hopes and concerns.
• What remains... Self-in-Transition... balanced between the memories of Self and Other and the current challenges which stretch us beyond these earlier stories.

An example:  the memory mentioned in last week's blog about Dad, in his frustration, saying to me, "Can't you get it through your head, You Knuckelhead?", doesn't show up in any of these photos I have shared.  It is a Memory Hidden Within, an internal photo album not always shared with others.  It is revealed though at the most unexpected times, when I feel vulnerable.

Each of us has these hidden albums:  times captured when we were hurt, became defensive, or sensed fear.  There are other albums as well:  experiences of individual joy, happiness, and contentment.  These albums exist and are connected to the public stories and memories.

A final question this week:  What would it take for us to share these hidden albums with others? 

May this week provide moments when photos, memories, stories and hidden albums are shared.  May we acknowledge the beautiful complexity of who we were and are becoming.  And may we recognize that each person has Sacred Worth and Value!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting