Do I Really See You?

Vacations are interesting phenomena: we invest energy and thought when taking time away from normal routines.  We may find ourselves on a Staycation; visiting family and friends; returning to places we have enjoyed earlier; or explore new sites, sounds, and cultures.  Whatever we do, there is a decision to take time off and try something different.

I was reflecting on this need to "vacation" -- to be unoccupied, to vacate, to escape, to explore, to rest -- as I embarked on a 7-day Alaskan cruise.  Deciding where to go was exciting.  Making plans on what to see was fun.  Considering the health precautions and risks brought uncertainty and caution.  Packing before and unpacking after the trip was a chore.

The actions of planning and preparing in order to relax and enjoy were stretching the experience of seeing anew.

What do you choose to see?
(Photo credit:  Peek-a-Boo is So Much More
Than Baby Giggles, Peek-a-Boost Play)

These thoughts ruminated as the ship's crew openly welcomed us onboard: for months this pandemic had ravaged the travel industry and their livelihoods.  Now, they were overjoyed to see us!

In Dialogue: The Art of Listening Together, William Isaacs describes the respect and recognition conveyed in the Zulu greeting, Sawubona (I see you):

“At its core, the act of respect invites us to see others as legitimate. We may not like what they do or say or think, but we cannot deny their legitimacy as beings. In Zulu, a South African language, the word Sawubona is spoken when people greet one another and when they depart.  It means “I see you.” To the Zulus, being seen has more meaning than in Western cultures. It means that the person is in some real way brought more fully into existence by virtue of the fact that they are seen. As in most indigenous cultures, the memory of a sense of participation in nature has not been completely lost. To say “I see you” is to sustain you in this world.”

 That sense of seeing and respecting the other person as legitimate is core to dialogue.

Can you see the light hidden within the other person?

 
Prior to the cruise, we were notified that:

• People had to be fully vaccinated 14-days prior to embarkation;
• Due to the Delta variant surge, masks were required in public areas (e.g., elevators, shops, entertainment venues, casino, etc.).
  

Though we were vacating and getting away from our normal routines, we brought our pre-vacation thinking with us:

• I have freedom to choose.
• Others cannot tell me what to do.
• You have to deal with me when I don't follow the stated requirements.
  

What are our challenges, then, in this politically diverse and pandemic-separated world?  How do we respect and see others as legitimate when I cannot vacate my thoughts or conclusions about you?

Is your focus on the clouds or the sun?

Navigating a dysfunctional world is sometimes like cruising through turbulent waters:  we have a choice when to go directly through the oncoming waves and when to change course and run parallel with the swells.  The oncoming waves will cause pitching and rolling; the parallel waves may cause us to travel a little longer as we decide when the conflict has lessened.

To really see another person, then, we may need to see beyond the actions... focusing on respect and legitimacy that is so often hidden.  We may need to travel a little longer to understand the actions and conflicts in a new light.

The challenge may be as simple as: I see you.  I respect you.  You are legitimate.  Now, let's try to understand the actions that cause us to pitch and roll with discomfort.

May we learn to bring others more fully into existence this week by sharing the Zulu greeting of Sawubona... I see you!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)