Two Sides to Every Story

I am still processing my 6-day jury service of a week ago!  (Friends are probably getting tired of hearing about the trial!)

What I am noticing, though, is that I am beginning to reflect not on the facts and experiences of the trial, but on the implications of when two sides are in conflict.

I wonder:

• What traps us into our version of what was seen, heard, or experienced?
• Why do we end up walking away from friends or family, erupting with angry words, or resorting to retaliatory or violent actions?
• When do we realize we might need a neutral party to listen?  (Or, do we ever realize this?)

Two Sides: do you erupt when you don't like the results?
(Photo Credit:  Kilauea volcano, The Washington Post, 05/17/18)

I guess we all reach a place of frustration when we are not heard or our ideas are not understood or accepted.  How we respond within the arenas of frustration and misunderstanding may fuel the flames of division and hurt.  In fact, our actions -- or reactions -- may place a wedge between what connects us.

Sometimes, in order to see the whole picture, we must look from different perspectives.  I learned this anew when visiting the Grand Canyon last summer.  My finite mind and limited vision could not take in all of the beauty before me at one time!

As I walked along the canyon's rim, the scenery changed.  The views shifted as my eye focused from different angles.  As I slowly turned or moved along, I began to realize the magnitude of what lay before me.  One place, one point of focus, could not take in all that surrounded me.

Two Sides: where do you tend to focus?

In a similar way, part of our challenge may be the realization that we are human and are limited beings.  We have a spirit and a drive that propels us toward truth, honor, and other values we individually hold important.  These offer us ways to discover and interpret meaning in the world we inhabit.

When life experiences come in conflict, though, we must remember.... we have a choice:

Are we willing to seek out, listen to, and attempt to understand another viewpoint?

Two Sides: are you able to listen to all perspectives?
(Click on comic strip for larger image)

(Photo Credit:  Fred Bassett Alex Graham, 5/10/19)

As we practice our dialogue skills, maybe a neutral party could offer insights that neither side had considered previously.  In the jury trial, I was surprised how removed I was to the final verdict.  It took 12 impartial people to piece together what each person heard; and through our collective wisdom and experience we were able to reach a conclusion that integrated the facts presented to us.

Were there winners and losers in the trial?  Probably... if we wanted to focus on that perspective.  But maybe something else happened:  two parties were finally heard... and after six years, they could now move on with their lives.

Questions to consider:

• Is there one side that separates you from others?
• What is the reason you hold onto this position?
• How might you refocus and see another view?

This week, let us consider beyond the two sides that may be limiting us.  Let us try to look at the Whole.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)