Listening to Self and Others

Many years ago as a seminary candidate, I went through a series of psychological assessments and interviews.  Instead of being intimidated by the process, I was intrigued by the self-learning along the way.

For instance, when I met with the psychologist to review the MMPI results, she astutely noted that I would have problems as an ordained priest!  The issue?  The inventory assessment revealed that I was 99% empathetic!  (For those who know me, this might not come as a surprise!)

The psychologist explained that I might have issues when working with people:  I would vicariously feel the pain and suffering of others.  She cautioned that if I didn't learn coping skills, I would become overwhelmed by other people's tragedies.

Do you see and feel the pain of others?

(Photo Credit:  Muslims Praise New Zealand Prime Minister 
for Her Empathy, Actions after Attack, Washington Daily Report)

I listened to this advice, and spent time in the seminary paying attention to the pastoral care and counseling assignments, the evaluations by supervisors and peers, and any inner language that distracted the counseling relationship.  In addition, I continued to avail myself of the psychiatrists the seminary employed to help talk through my questions and experiences. 

I have found that it's important to have empathy for the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of others, but I also learned the importance of knowing self and balancing the needs of others with my own.

Can you identify violence when focused on self and others?
 
(Photo Credit:  How 'Hate Speech' is Defined
by Social Media Giants, The Federalist Papers)

A few weeks ago I decided to take a breather from social media.  It was a difficult decision as there are so many positive connections that are made through our smart devices.  I found that my empathy was going unchecked as I read posts or comments that seemed to attack another person or point of view.

The pain I felt for others was becoming extreme - to the point that I was feeling negative towards myself and others.  The attacks became personal!

What impacts you?  How do you impact others?
 
(Photo Credit:  Making a Positive Impact with your
Non-Profit Social Media Strategy, Mobile Cause) 

I deleted the Dialogue San Diego Facebook page.  I deactivated my personal Facebook account, and have limited my Messenger contacts and content.  I changed the notifications on most social media accounts.  I have to consciously look for input rather than becoming distracted by the constant alerts signalling that I have new input... something to read, try to understand, and answer.  And, I now turn off my phone at the end of the work day.  If all of this seems draconian, read on!

The results of listening to myself have meant that I have begun to listen anew to others.  Now, I have a more conscious desire to connect... rather than react to the device sounds that I had become accustomed.

My smart device no longer advises me when I am needed.  Rather, I have begun exploring ways to reconnect with those I love and care about... walks, phone calls, lengthier emails, meals together.  The listening is good!  And, the Relationship Reawakened feels smarter than any device so far!  In other words, I have begun reconnecting with Self and Others!

May our hearts, minds, and empathy become balanced this week as we take care of those we love!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)