Sides

Do you remember as elementary school students when we were asked to "choose sides"... for sports teams, spelling bees, or to form study groups?  It was one thing when "the adult" (teacher or coach) selected the sides: Usually, it was based on where you sat in the classroom or "odd versus even" numbers.  The process to divide us seemed more random.

For physical education, though, team captains or leaders were appointed by the coach and these two people got to select their teams.  In these situations, many of us were chosen later in the process or at the very end.  Friendships or physical skills were key factors in being selected.

Whose side are you on?
(Photo credit:  quote by Veera Hiranandani, QuoteFancy)

There are many examples of how our society creates sides or divides us: professional sports, political parties, health status, age, religious and cultural groups... not to mention skin color and ideologies.

We cheer on our chosen groups and boo or ridicule "the Others."  We compete to win, and oftentimes we want to beat others.  We sit with or only listen to those on our team, in our party, or those who think like us.

Unlike grade school, though, when we went back to our seats after the spelling bee or contest -- re-forming ourselves back into "Our Class" or "Classmates" -- we remain separated in this Real World we co-inhabit.

Where would you sit?
(Photo credit:  Taking Sides, DepositPhotos)

Is divide and conquer part of our human nature?  Was it a survival skill we picked up along the way?  Or is something else emerging in our society where out-casting members of our race has become the norm? (Think of recent reality shows where voting people off the island and "You're Fired!" are now part of our lexicon.)

As a project leader at work, I had teams of people focused on specific tasks and outcomes.  Once we had accomplished our goals, people would return to their departments.  New teams were formed when other projects were identified.  There was continual movement of separating and coming together -- contracting and expanding -- based on the collective needs of the organization.

Do you find it difficult to not take a side?
(Photo credit:  Taking Sides, DepositPhotos)

The purpose of dialogue isn't to convert people over to your views or values.  Rather, listening and trying to understand another perspective opens all of us to possibilities:   Either-Or might transform into Both-And; Win-Lose could become Win-Win.

It's the elasticity of the rubber band that allows it to expand and surround whatever it gathers and holds.  When the band becomes too old and brittle or when it is stretched beyond what it can hold, it will break.

 I wonder where our elasticity is these days as we listen to people who think and act differently than us.  Are we too brittle and ready to break?  Or are we willing to nurture the elasticity that will hold us all together?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

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