Prickly Situations

I assume that we have had situations where we didn't know what to say: harsh words at home; misunderstandings at work; an inability to find the right words.  I want to believe that this is a human dilemma that we all face.

The aftereffects are the prickly or difficult conversations that often are ignored or avoided... only to discover later on that the issues have not been resolved

Do you focus on the thorns or the flowers?
(Photo: Neighborhood Cactus - Larry Gardepie)

These thoughts were going through my mind as I walked around my neighborhood this past week.  I have been a consultant for a local nonprofit's leadership team for several years.  Supervisors talk through issues where they are struggling to find answers.  We discuss various approaches to their situations, searching for solutions that make sense for them and their employees.

What has surprised me is how often no action is taken: sometimes, the situation resolves itself; oftentimes, it is ignored!

How close do you get to the thorny parts of life?
(Photo:  Wrigley Memorial and Botanic Gardens,
Avalon, Santa Catalina Island - Larry Gardepie)

I wonder why we ignore difficult situations:

• We are overloaded and don't have the time or the energy?
• We hope the problem will disappear?
• We are afraid of making the situation worse?

I would agree that not all problems have easy solutions, and I could be convinced that distance sometimes allows people to step back and consider different approaches.

Can you see beauty in any situation?
(Photo:  Neighborhood Cactus - Larry Gardepie)

What confuses me is when some supervisors describe the same situation over and over... and have done nothing to explore or settle the issue.    Why no action when the issue hasn't disappeared, resolved itself, and is ever present?

In moments of confusion and not understanding, I turn inward and wonder how often I do the same thing!

As we face uncomfortable situations in our lives, maybe we need a family member or friend to point out our patterns... walk with us through these thorny patches... and encourage us to break our cycles of fear and inaction.

Just look at nature:  even the thorniest of plants have beautiful flowers to be discovered... and so do we when we continue to grow and blossom!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Darkness to Light

Have you ever been with family or friends, sharing stories or information, hearing a retelling of a familiar experience... and learning something new?  I hope the answer is "Yes!" for all of us!

I had that happen this past week:  I was out to dinner with three friends when one person revisited a difficult situation we all knew about.  Rather than cut off the narration, we listened, asked questions, and filled in what we knew.

What do you see in your darkest moments?
(Photo: Moonlight at Sea - Larry Gardepie)

Afterwards, I reflected on the Retelling:  I learned how...

• Listening and asking questions allowed depth to emerge. 
• Various aspects of the event took on newer significance in the retelling.
  
• Stories and meanings evolve as we get further from the event.

I also realized that I sometimes quicken a friend's retelling by jumping ahead and filling in the gaps!

Do the first lights of understanding change your perspective?
(Photo:  Morning Clouds - Larry Gardepie)

What was different about this evening was our ability to relax and amble along as the story emerged.  It felt like darkness was giving way to light... missing pieces of the puzzle were being put together gently by many helping hands.

 

By retelling the shared experience, we could revisit Unintended Hurts inflicted without conscious knowledge of doing so.  I asked forgiveness for words I had said months earlier when I didn't know this fuller story.

Is there a way to clear away confusion?
(Photo: Morning Clouds - Larry Gardepie)

Maybe Retelling offers us a way to practice a new set of R's: 

• Realization:  an openness to hear new information.
  
• Responsibility:  an acceptance of roles we may have played.
  
• Reconciliation:  an alternative to holding onto grievances.

As we listen to ourselves and others retelling familiar tales this week, let's take new paths through these stories.  There may be a reason why we are hooked on this story:  there may be a lesson or two more to learn!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)