Ending Reflections

Is it possible that another year is coming to an end?!  It seems like 2024 just began... and we were looking forward to the extra day (Leap Year:  February 29), Summer Olympics, and the Presidential Elections!

Now it is time to look back and reflect:

• What have we learned about ourselves?
• What could we have done differently?
• Did we show love, kindness and caring towards others?

Where has your heart led you?
(Photo: Heart in San Francisco Project - Larry Gardepie)

I have met many beautiful and wonderful people over this past year.  Our diversity in nationalities, cultures and faiths have helped me to understand something about myself:  I-Do-Not-Know-Everything.  Rather, I have so much to learn!

 

This simple admission on my part can open my mind and heart to accept another person's experiences.

What do people see in your reflection?
(Photo: Salisbury Cathedral Baptismal Font, England - Larry Gardepie)

Then, as I listen and accept others, I have found Curiosity-Becomes-Engaged.  I find that I ask more and more questions: no longer to judge against What-I-Know but to lessen What-I-Do-Not-Know.

 

I must admit, my ability to listen and ask Questions-Out-Of-Curiosity is not perfect!  But when I am aligned to a childlike quality of Wanting-to-Learn, I find life easier!

How clearly do you see The Real?
(Photo: Chilkat Bald Eagle Preserve, Haines, Alaska - Larry Gardepie)

The interesting part of being human is our ability to choose... to know or not know; to learn or not learn; to be kind or not.

 

In most situations, we have a choice in how we respond.  I wonder how often I -- or you -- stay on autopilot in this busy world and do not see the choices before us? 

 

As we end this Year 2024, I am curious:

• What have you learned about yourself and our world?
• What would you change or want to do over?
• How would you like to end this year and begin the next?
  

 

I would like to end this reflection by thanking you for your insights and comments this past year (through blog comments, personal texts, and emails).  I have learned from you!

 

May you stay safe over the New Year's celebrations... choose wisely!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Hidden Among Us

I was an altar server for several years during my elementary and high school years.  Our original church had a small room ("sacristy") at the front of the church off the sanctuary.  For such a small space, it had 3 doors:  one that went outside; one that went into the church proper; and one that went into the sanctuary.

This is the place where the priest and servers put on their vestments and where the chalices, altar wine, hosts, etc. were stored.  At that time, it was a place reserved mostly for the priests and altar servers.

What is hidden in your life?
(Photo credit:  Fun with Puzzles)

One Sunday a woman knocked on the outside door of the sacristy before Mass.  She wanted to talk with the priest.  This was unusual at the time!  I wondered what she wanted.

The priest talked to her for a short time, then closed the outside door.  When it was time to begin Mass, the priest asked me to open the outside door, let the woman into the sacristy, and place a folding chair at the open door that led into the sanctuary.

Do you always find what is hidden?
(Photo credit:  Where's Waldo?, Paperflite.com)

Throughout Mass, the woman sat or stood at the sacristy-sanctuary door, praying along with everyone in the church.  When Mass ended and we returned to the sacristy, the woman was gone.  The priest could see that we were puzzled.  He explained that the woman had agoraphobia - it was difficult for her to be in large crowds.

This was one of many instances in my life where I have witnessed understanding and compassion: being able to listen to another person's story; hearing the fear, pain or loss; and working to alleviate the suffering -- even when going against the norm.

These moments allow the hidden to be revealed.

Can you see beyond the walls we create?
(Photo credit:  Woman Hiding Behind Cubicle,
iStock Getty Images)

What is interesting about this memory:  as a youngster, I recognized this person.  She was very involved in our parish life.  Her revelation to the priest opened in me a new understanding about her - and how scary it must be for her to help others while fighting against her fears.

Isn't that the way it is with each of us?  There are aspects of our lives that are shared with others... and there are hidden areas.  We can be generous and understanding when we are in the realm of what is normal... and we are sometimes asked to go beyond what is accepted.  We are human... and we need one another!

The lesson I learned that Sunday morning?  Sharing our fears and phobias with others can invite us into grace-filled moments of understanding and compassion.  In that way we can live, learn, pray, and remain a community.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

What are We Willing to Unlearn?

Ann, a longtime friend -- and dialogue colleague -- was born with poor hearing.  To understand others and to survive in this hearing world, she learned to lip read.  She was so excited when she became eligible for a cochlear implant.  Her recent surgery was a success!  But now comes the hard work!

Ann must unlearn skills that have aided her throughout her life.  Friends now come to her home to read to her.  She listens to each word or sentence and repeats back what she hears.  She is rewiring her brain to focus on a physical attribute that could not be relied on in the past.

And, she must unlearn her lip reading skills.

What skills do you use to understand others?

(Photo credit:  GAN Networking Can Do Lip
Reading and Output Speech, NeuroHive)

As I listened to Ann describe her joys of hearing -- and the frustrations of unlearning, I wondered:

• What skills have I learned to compensate for losses in my life?
• How do I survive in a world dominated by truths -- or untruths -- that I don't understand?
  
• Do I hear clearly what others are saying?

Are there lessons that need to be unlearned?

(Photo credit: You Must Unlearn What
You Have Learned, Marco Giberti)

Think about how you learned to communicate.  For most of us, it was mimicry:  imitating family and friends around us.  Now, think of the assumptions that we may have accepted along the way: the people we loved and emulated figured out how to survive in this world... and Must be Right in what they said or did.

 

What happens, though, when the world changes and the skills we learned earlier no longer work in this New World?  It isn't a matter that our models got it wrong.  It may be as simple as new Ways of Being have emerged in this ever-changing world... like the evolution from living with hearing loss to earlier versions of hearing aids to cochlear implants.

 

Is it time to examine what lessons we learned earlier and decide what we should unlearn... and relearn?

Are you willing to become curious about others --
and unlearn untruths?

(Photo credit:  Why Unlearning Matters?
How to Unlearn?, Social Science Space)

Ann mentioned that she has a short window to unlearn and relearn -- retraining her brain.  She can now hear clearly the crispness of the S, and she is finding that her own verbal skills are improving as she talks.  She reminisced about her long-trusted friend, Lip Reading... and what it means for her to let go.  Now the hard work of unlearning and relearning!

 

Is that the same with us?  As we recognize what we need to unlearn, I wonder if there is an urgency to become curious, to hear clearly another person's truth, and to understand differently?

May we find reasons this week to unlearn poor listening skills.  May we seek ways to hear more clearly.  May we be willing to relearn what it means to understand.  

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)