Labeling By Surprise

Have you ever paid attention to the various labels used every day?  I guess at a basic level we are trying to describe what we are seeing and experiencing.  But, I wonder, how often we use words to box people in... to limit or bias the story-telling... to hurt or distance ourselves from others?

It's an eye-opening exercise to notice the labels you might use regularly or the ones you hear between family, friends or work colleagues:  male, female or non-binary; married, single or divorced; black, white, or BIPOC; straight or LGBTQIA+; energetic or lazy; trusted or shady...

The list goes on and on as we try to understand our world and convey thoughts and ideas to another person.

How do you see and describe your world?
(Photo credit: The Harmful Effects of Labeling People
(Ourselves and Others), Plus Finding Hope for the Future
- Leigh Aguirre, Registered Nurse at UCHealth)

I realize that even raising this to our consciousness might be labeled as Woke by some people... which raises more questions about what "woke culture" is and why it has been given a certain framework.  Words and actions are the ways that we communicate our thoughts and feelings to another person:  individuals trying to understand.

As an introvert, my thoughts are often jumbled or half-cooked when I decide to share ideas. Conveying intangible ideas by using language is almost like capturing smoke... as the smoke disappears!

Are we surprised by what we see or hear?
(Photo credit: Is a Surprise More Enjoyable
for the Receiver or the Giver?
- Nici Lucas, The Days of Gifts)

A dialogue practitioner mentioned to me recently her intention to "Keep space to be surprised."  That is, rather than becoming stuck on a word or label used by someone else, her hope is to become more curious, asking questions, and trying to understand the thought behind the word or label.

Rather than remaining on the surface level with the label, it may be more important to understand more deeply what the person is seeing and trying to convey.  Oftentimes, a label can be -- or is -- used to distract or separate us.  Questions and curiosity can focus and draw us together.

How can we bridge what divides us?
(Photo credit: Togetherness without being Together
- Abhineet Mittal)

Surprise might be the key to understanding the intangibles that we cannot see:

• What does that word or label mean?
• How is it being used?
• Why is this important to the other person?

Also, we may be surprised by what we discover when we ask questions, listen, and allow intangible ideas to transform into tangible actions of understanding.

May we be surprised this week when the smoke clears and our intentions are revealed.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Who Knows What About Whom?

You may recognize these names:  Erle Stanley Gardner, Louise Penny, Mickey Spillane, and Margaret Truman.  Each are authors of mystery series that have brought to life Perry Mason, Armand Gamache, and other characters who observe, ask questions, unravel murders, and reveal Secrets Hidden.

Throughout my childhood and into adulthood, there is one constant in my life:  I am curious!  I enjoy solving puzzles!  There is something satisfying about gathering clues, looking at possibilities, and discovering "The Answer"!

How many questions do you ask each day?
(Photo credit:  40 Favorite Interview Questions from Some
of the Sharpest Folks We Know, First Round Review)

What I am discovering about life, though:  oftentimes, there are numerous possibilities, several answers, or different conclusions to the mysteries that we encounter every day.  This makes Real Life more challenging than a jigsaw puzzle or a book that leads us to one result.

In other words, each person remains a Book Unopened with pages of Mysteries Unsolved... even when we have shared experiences or have lived together for years.

Do you ask questions to prove a point,
to understand, or because you are curious?
(Photo credit:  20 Questions to Get to Know People
or Someone Better, BetterHelp)

For instance:  I grew up the second of six children.  We had the same parents, went to the same church, and attended the same schools... but we are so different in our personalities, interests, and occupations.  We haven't lived together for decades, and yet something still binds us together.

What I have noticed in the past year where I've had the opportunity to spend time with each sibling and their loved ones:  we are no longer the same people we were when we grew up together.  The core of who we are may be recognizable.  But as an adult sibling, I can no longer be boxed into my role as second child.  Rather, I am now called to encourage and witness Truth Unfolding.

In essence, we are Strangers Meeting and getting to know one another again... and again... and again!

(Photo credit:  Things to Do with Friends and Family,
The Southern Times)

It is that Mystery-of-Knowing-but-Not-Knowing another person that intrigues me.  (Curiosity!)  I cannot assume I know what someone will think, say, or do.  We are constantly changing!  Isn't it better to wait, hold back our assumptions and conclusions... and be surprised?

Like the mystery authors and their famous fictional characters, we are called to observe, ask questions, and unravel the mystery of each person we encounter. 

Isn't that an interesting challenge for us this week?!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)