A Pencil and Ideas: When to Lay Them Down... and Listen

Many years ago I noticed that I had acquired a ball and chain.  My movements were limited.  I blamed it on The Pencil... but, maybe it was something more?

As an assistant director, I was called upon to make things happen when it came to projects, improving processes, and motivating the employees I supervised.  I took notes at meetings to keep me organized, engaged in the discussion, and remember who would follow through on various decisions.

At one meeting with the director and managers, I was in my habitual role of taking notes, asking questions, and trying to figure out how to accomplish these new directives.  At one point, the director asked me to stop taking notes and to put down my pencil.  She explained that what was being discussed were not decisions.  She wanted us to talk through options:  to listen, hear possibilities, and not focus on an outcome.

Through my lenses of responsibility and making it happen, I was hearing the conversation as directives rather than possibilities.  I was seeking reality, not a dream!

Chained to My Perspective
(Breaking the Chains, sculpture by Melvin Edwards;
Martin Luther King, Jr. Promenade, San Diego)

In these "Ball and Chain moments," it is important that someone:

• Notices what is happening;
• Slows down or stops the action or interaction; and
• Becomes vulnerable enough to risk naming what is being observed.

Courage to Stand Up and Say "Stop!"
(San Diego International Comic-Con, 2017)

I believe that is what Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and others in the Civil Rights Movement were attempting to do:  they were noticing what was happening; they were attempting to slow us down; and, with profound courage, they became vulnerable to the mistrust and hatred surrounding them.  They risked naming what they were observing:  Reality.

A Dream was planted as people interrupted their habitual responses and allowed new possibilities to be considered.  The actions of noticing, slowing down, and naming what was observed allowed other options to surface.

A Sign of Welcome
(St. John the Baptist Parish Church, Windsor, England)

Recently, I came across a sign outside a parish church in Windsor, England.  A Sign of Welcome:  all are welcome - whether you believe or not; no matter who you are or where you are from!  A sense of peace came over me.  I realized I no longer had to make anything happen:  I am welcomed.

Questions to consider this week which begins with the birthday remembrance of Martin Luther King, Jr.:

• Is there a "Ball and Chain" that limits you from hearing others?
• In what ways can you name the reality around you?
• How might you welcome others into a dialogue of new ideas and possibilities?

May we be inspired this week by the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., by the Civil Rights Movement, and by other movements that name injustice, intolerance and misunderstanding. 

May we become Signs of Welcome to those around us!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting 
(click on link to website) 

Horizons... How Far Can You See?

When you look down your street, what do you see?  Houses?  Trees?  Cars?  Well-kept yards or those in transition?  Sometimes, it is easy to see what is in front of us:  the objects themselves or the meanings we attach.  Other times, these familiar scenes may become obstacles:  we cannot see beyond them; we cannot see the next street over or the other parts of town we call "Home."  We may be caught up in the familiarity of what we know... and don't realize it may have changed.

I wonder:  what would it be like if we could truly see what is in front of us, going beyond what we expect or the meanings we have created?

Horizons…
Looking Behind at the Wake and Turbulence

For example, when a loved one or a friend makes a comment or tells a story:

• Do you hear only what is filtered through your definition of that person?
• Are there obstacles that limit what you want to see or hear?
• Do you allow yourself the opportunity to hear and understand through that person's current experiences and intention? 

Beautiful scenes begin to emerge when we see and accept another person's perspective.  A shared understanding of life begins to take shape when we dispel the fog that clouds our vision.

Horizons...
Looking Ahead at Beautiful Scenes

Traveling on the ocean, I am reminded from day to day and moment to moment how transitional the seascape is: ominous, dark clouds one moment transform into billowy clouds a few minutes later.  Further on, open horizons and breathtaking sunsets dance across the placid waters.

Our Lifescape is no different.  It is not a matter of holding onto one moment and making it The Only Way.  Instead, a Willingness to Journey through an ever-changing landscape of life is key to understanding:  knowing that dark moments and obstacles can become enriching scenes for calm waters ahead; accepting that placid waters may give way to turbulent times later.  We encounter changing situations, and we change.

We are invited to stay open to possibilities that reflect the nature of our willingness.

 Horizons…
Looking Within at Peaceful Waters

What questions are present for you at the end of this first week of 2018?

• Are dark moments and obstacles limiting what you see when encountering loved ones, work colleagues, and friends? 
• How might you become open to an awareness and willingness that you and they are changing? 
• Will you let go of the past and reach out to the future?  Will you listen with an intent to understand?  Are you hopeful for a new beginning? 

May we seek new Horizons of Understanding which recognizes obstacles... but moves beyond any limitations!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting 
(click on link to website) 

Moving from Old to New: What Will You Bring?

Old Year 2017.  New Year 2018.  According to the calendar, we are moving not only from one day to the next, but it is a transition from one year to another.  An end and a beginning.  A movement that inspires parties, services, reflections, hopes, predictions... and uncertainty.  The long sequence of holidays that began with Halloween and ends with New Year's (or the Feast of the Three Kings) drew us from one season to the next, Fall to Winter.  A movement of time.  A continuation of Life's Journey.

For me, a number of questions emerge at this time of year:

• What am I carrying from one year and into the next?
• Do I have a choice to leave some memories and stories in the past?
• Am I willing to lay down burdens that weigh on me?

From Old to New:
Are there immovable barriers in your path?
(Click link for:  Stonehenge, Wiltshire, England)

Having visited the Neolithic structure of Stonehenge several times over the past 30 years, I remain awed by its size, purpose, and the foresight of its creators.  Circling the stone pillars this past September, I wondered about the beliefs and structures in my life that have grown over time.

• Do I revisit these structures?
• Do I question their continued purpose or impact on my life?
• Have they become a mystery... that I protect and no longer understand?

 

From Old to New:
Are you locked into something you love?
(Click link for: Elevador de Santa Justa, Lisbon, Portugal)

My September trip eventually brought me to Lisbon, Portugal... a new discovery, a city I had never visited.  As I wandered around the touristy 'hot spots,' I came across a fence located above the skyline.  Initially, I focused on the beautiful view of old Lisbon.  But, as I drew closer to the fence and refocused, I noticed a number of locks placed in various locations.  Different shapes and sizes.  People's names, dates, and symbols etched or painted on the locks.  Public reminders of lovers and friends memorializing their relationships by locking one moment of their Life's Story. 

• When do I lock memories into my worldview?
• Who do I memorialize and with what symbol?
• Where do I place these locked memories... and the keys to unlock and remember?

From Old to New
Are you ready to invite others into your world?

As I move from Old to New - one day to the next day, one year forward - I realize anew how important it is to share my thoughts, inspirations, hopes, and fears with others.  The ability to sit and share - open up, unlock views, ask questions, and listen - is so necessary in our burdened and locked world.

Old Structures may need to be re-explored.  The moments memorialized or locked in time may need to be re-visited and re-moved.  Places and forms of dialogue may need to be newly-created, welcoming others into a safe environment to be open to and embrace what is both common and different.

• Am I willing to move from old to new?
• Can I lay down last year's burdens, worries, and fears?
• How might I become open to this year's uncertainty?

May we learn to let go of the unfinishedness of 2017, and move minute by minute into the hope that 2018 offers!  May we seek...

Peace.  Paz.  Pace.  Paix.   Friede.  Síocháin.  Shalom (שלום).  Barış.  Salām (سلام).  Solh (صلح).  Sānti (शांति).  Santipap (สันติภาพ).  Iríni  (Ειρήνη).   Lapè.  Zhi-bde (ཞི་བདེ).  Dohiyi (ᏙᎯᏱ).  Pokój.  Barış.  Minaggen.  Heiwa (平和 ).  Heddwch.  Kapayapaan.  Pokój.  Mir (Мир)...   
Peace to All on this beautiful Earth! 

Larry Gardepie


Dialogue San Diego Consulting
(click on link to website) 

Traditions and Memories

Traditions... customs... cultures... memories...  Have you ever spent time searching for the Perfect Gift for someone you love or prepare the most sumptuous meal for guests invited to your home?  Have you tried to replicate Christmases Past into the Present, hoping to recapture the Spirit you remember?

This season inspires us to explore ways to celebrate who we are.  We carry many thoughts and emotions into this season... joy-filled, sorrowful, contented, anxious, happy, child-like...   human experiences of remembrance.

By the time you read this post, though, it may be time to slow down... and relax!  A work colleague used to say, "You've done good!"  Look back now, and say:  I did the best I could!  It is time to celebrate the perfect gift, Who-You-Are-Becoming!

Traditions: Shared at Home

As you replay the past weeks of preparation, what are you carrying into this week:

• All that was expected?
• All that couldn't be finished?
• All that you accomplished? 

Maybe it's time to set aside what happened or did not happen, talk to a friend or loved one, and share the aspirations and accomplishments... with the intention of letting go.  Maybe it is time to Hold Lightly the stress or tensions that were felt inwardly... or may have erupted outwardly.

Memories:  Shared Outward
(Union Square, San Francisco)

And, maybe the perfect gift right now is to slow down and offer a new perspective for the approaching New Year:  You are Good!  Those around you are Good.  We are doing the best we can.  We are human.

For me, these holidays are holy days: a mixture of childhood memories, mixed with adult experiences of joy beginning and life ending.  My parents made Christmas special for us six children:  the magic; the family traditions; the gifts; the way we felt loved.  A season of childhood memories: family, warmth, and belonging.

A New Year:  Ready to Emerge
(The Glass Factory, Cabo San Lucas, Mexico)

But, this season can be one of emergencies, hospital visits, and being family in unexpected ways.  Both of my parents died in December (December 8; December 24), so the childhood memories are infused with adult decisions of carrying, letting go, and mourning.

You or others you know may be experiencing moments that may seem unseasonal or unusual.  As I attempt to listen to and understand others, I am learning that all of these situations and memories can be gifts to be unwrapped and treasured.

Unless we slow down and notice what is emerging in us... listening to what others are sharing about their seasonal memories, we may miss the challenges that are being experienced inwardly and outwardly.

What questions are emerging in you this week as you slow down... relax... and notice?


May this week remind you that "You are good!" and "You've done good!"

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting 
(click on link to website) 

Who Am I? Who Are We?

Walking around Windsor and Eaton, England, we came across a bevy or herd of swans.  Several people with bread and crackers were shore side.  The swans were very attentive!  Grouped together, facing one direction, they made their intentions known!

I watched the beauty and strength of these creatures as they vied for food, each bird pushing forward, focusing on its individual needs.

As I watched this spectacle of coordinated chaos, I wondered:

• How often do I focus solely on my individual needs?
• When do I participate in a single-focused Groupthink or Herd Mentality?
• Who am I when surrounded by others:  am I defined as an Individual or in terms of The Group?  Am I independent or controlled; alone or in-relation?

Reflecting:  Who am I... among so many?

A few days later I was on a tour of Claude Monet's home in Giverny, France.  The gardens were the site of many of his water lily paintings so I was interested in seeing what inspired him.  It happened that the gardens were overflowing with Locals who availed themselves of this last beautifully sunny and warm Fall day.  An anticipated individual reflective moment had suddenly been transformed by hordes of people vying for "The Best" Selfie and Group photo:  click click... then rushing to the next section of the gardens.

I was overwhelmed by the jostling crowds!  But, eventually, when I slowed down and focused on how the gardeners were keeping Monet's vision alive, I noticed a flickering of tranquility from within.

It is possible to be present, to focus on the task at hand (e.g., taking a photo), and still be aware of something greater:  I can experience both Individual and Other!

Reflecting: Where are you in my life - close or at a distance?
(For more info: click on: Claude Monet, Gardens, Giverny, France)

As I continued to wander slowly along the garden paths, the frenzied horde of tourists moved ahead and beyond where I was.  I no longer needed to Keep Up, Be First, or Have the Same Photo as the others.  I was free and able to soak in Moments of Beauty and Inspiration.

There is a time and a place where we can walk together, share the experience, and still move apart.  There can be a balance of Community and Self.

Reflecting:  Who am I in... in relation to the world?
(Claude Monet, Gardens, Giverny, France) 

How do these experiences fit in with dialogue?  Consider the following questions:

• When do I expect others to see, hear, and do things my way?
• How might I become more curious -- and inquire -- about what inspires others?
• Am I willing to let others know when I need to be around them... or when I need time alone?

As we move further into this holiday season, may the ebb and flow of group activities provide moments where you can be reflective and inspire your Individuality!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting 
(click on link to website)